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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Would you find this out of order or just a harmless joke?

127 replies

Sishirunak · 03/08/2022 08:02

I don't drink at all and haven't for years, not because of any alcohol issues, I just react badly to alcohol, can't tolerate a lot and hate being hungover.
Anyway my partner does and I met him and his friend in a bar this week. My partner just had a pint of orange juice which is unusual for him. I asked if it was just orange, he said yes, and told me to finish it as he didn't want the last bit.

I took a drink of it and immediately realised it was beer. They both burst out laughing and had been in on it. I just laughed but looking back do you think this was a bit of a dick move, or was I just being sensitive?

OP posts:
5foot5 · 03/08/2022 13:34

alnawire · 03/08/2022 13:10

Paddington with marmalade on his face Smile

Show quote history

Now that's funny!

RichardsGear · 03/08/2022 13:41

Just a daft joke. Honestly 🙄. Roll your eyes and move on.

WeAllHaveWings · 03/08/2022 13:48

tbh I would have seen it as a joke and laughed, but it doesn't matter how I would have seen it it matters how you saw it.

If you don't like that type of joking, or you feel he did it to humiliate, disrespect or upset you then you are simply not compatible. No need to find fault or blame.

CloudCatz · 03/08/2022 13:54

A sip that you spit out isn't going to effect you, is it? Or do you react to even that? I wouldn't care. He probably thought you'd notice/smell it wasn't OJ before you actually took a sip.

Society · 03/08/2022 13:59

OneTC · 03/08/2022 13:12

Loads of beers look and even smell like citrus.

Perfectly believable imo

They smell like beer with citrus. They don't just smell like fruit juice. You can always smell the hops in beer.

Dotjones · 03/08/2022 14:04

You should LTB, not because of this joke but because he told you to finish it. You're not his fucking slave.

SliceOfCakeCupOfTea · 03/08/2022 14:14

alnawire · 03/08/2022 12:43

People are saying it would be worse as it would affect her health. If she was a recovering alcoholic it could be a sip that destroys her life. If she was allergic, it could kill her.

The fact that she chooses not to drink and will come to no ill health from the tiny sip of beer is the main difference here.

You are completely missing the point about it being her choice. It's not up to her DH or anyone else to decide 'a tiny sip' won't harm her. She does not drink alcohol. She has chosen not to. That should be respected.

It's worrying the amount of posters advocating for ignoring a woman's choice and doing whatever they choose because she will 'come to no I'll health' - there is a wee red flag in there...

It's got naff all to do with OP being a woman and him being a man.

And, from the sounds of it, it is quite factual to say that that one tiny sip of beer won't harm her. She isnt allergic so no reaction, she isn't an alcoholic so no fear of falling off the wagon. It literally will cause her no harm in any way. Her DP didn't 'decide' that.

It was a joke. She didn't find it funny, and it sounds like you wouldn't either. Nevermind, he knows where her boundary is for next time. I would have found it funny as would plenty of people on this thread. Therefore you stating that it point blank is not funny is incorrect.

Now if he did this again knowing OP wouldn't find it funny, it becomes an arsehole move.

Strugglingtodomybest · 03/08/2022 14:24

If you don't like that type of joking, or you feel he did it to humiliate, disrespect or upset you then you are simply not compatible. No need to find fault or blame.

This. It really doesn't matter whether or not other people would find this prank funny, it only matters what you think. If you have now discovered that pranking each other is not something you want out of a relationship, that is fine. We don't all have to like the same things. I would explain it to my partner and then if they did it again, that would definitely be being disrespectful.

godmum56 · 03/08/2022 17:41

5foot5 · 03/08/2022 10:48

Ok @alnawire I will bite.

But first it must be acknowledged that humour cannot often be explained. Many times if you try to explain a joke it ceases to be funny. Think of the scenes at the end of the Vicar of Dibley when Geraldine has to dissect the joke for the sake of Alice who simply doesn't get the punch line.

However, this was more in the line of a prank than a joke. I know that on mumsnet "prank" is often seen as a dirty word and some people claim not to find them funny ever. They claim that pranks are just cruel and are intended to humiliate people. I think it is a question of degree personally.

When I was very small I thought the funniest thing ever was a trick teaspoon which we had purchased on a day out at the seaside. The spoon had a hole in it, but when it was pushed in to a bowl of sugar it looked like a normal teaspoon. I would take great delight in offering the sugar to guests who were having a cup of tea and then watching there look of surprise when all the sugar trickled out through the hole in the spoon. It was that reaction, that "Oh!", which I found hilarious.

So was I an unusually cruel four year old seeking to humiliate our guests? Probably you think so, but fortunately everybody I played this trick on saw the joke and joined in the laughter.

And that is the thing about pranks and practical jokes. Very often the "victim" will also see the funny side and join in with the giggle.

But I guess there is a sliding scale with the teaspoon at one end and much more intentionally cruel stunts at the other. As an extreme example, telling someone that a loved one had died and then when they are about to collapse with grief saying "Nah, only kidding." I imagine only some kind of psychopath would find that funny and the majority of people would be appalled. But for the oddities who did find that amusing it is essentially the same thing, the "humour" is in observing the shocked reaction of the person on whom you have played the prank.

I imagine most people will set there own bar on this sliding scale - up to a certain point still funny and a joke, after a certain point cruel and humiliating.

Back to this sip of beer. Whether or not you find it funny will depend upon where you set your own personal bar on this scale. If you are not on the scale at all, not even at the teaspoon end then no, of course you won't find it funny. Or if you will allow that the teaspoon joke was mildly risible but feel the sip of beer was going too far then, fair enough, past your own personal limit but still basically the same joke. It relies on the shocked reaction of the "victim" for its humour.

Myself I find it a harmless prank. The OP's DH was not trying to get her drunk by spiking her drink in some way, e.g. giving her a vodka and orange - that would indeed be cruel and wrong. He gave her the beer knowing she would immediately realise what it was and for him the funny part was seeing her expression of surprise when she tasted it. If I had been the OP in that situation I am pretty sure I would have seen the funny side of that and not felt at all upset or humiliated. But obviously we all differ in what we find funny and allowable as a joke.

Show quote history

ther bit you have missed out is what is funny (or grownups pretend is funny) when a child does it can be dickish and nasty when done by an adult.

OldFan · 03/08/2022 17:45

Not ok at all. He tricked you into non-consensually taking a substance he knows you didn't want and which is bad for your health/wellbeing.

OldFan · 03/08/2022 17:49

I wouldn'tve liked it because it's tricking you into doing a thing you don't want to do. Creepy

oviraptor21 · 03/08/2022 17:52

One sip may not do any harm. But I wouldn't be impressed as I don't like the taste at all. I'd need my own drink pretty damn quickly in order to take the taste away.

GoodJanetBadJanet · 03/08/2022 18:03

It's never funny to mess with someone's food or drink, as someone who suffers from allergies and intolerances I think it's an arsehole move and potentially dangerous
YADNBU

autienotnaughty · 03/08/2022 20:28

This is a dick move. You don't drink by choice and he lied and gave you alcohol. It doesn't matter if it's only a sip. That's wrong. And he laughed with his friend at you.

Peders · 05/08/2022 13:48

So He knew you didn't drink alcohol,
He tricked you into having a sip
He thought your reaction was very funny
He made you feel embarressed in front of his friends

A nice partner you have

MoodyTwo · 05/08/2022 19:52

I'm sorry I don't think it's a big deal

You don't drink because you don't like the effect, however the last bit of his 'OJ' wouldn't do anything ...

GoodJanetBadJanet · 05/08/2022 19:58

I'm sorry I don't think it's a big deal
You don't mess with people's drinks or food.
I suffer from allergies and find your attitude frankly scary, you don't get to decide what you think should go in people's bodies!
Even if you think it's just because they're being precious, or don't like the effect or whatever.
That is THEIR CHOICE.
Not yours.

lilila · 05/08/2022 19:59

Dick move. A 'friend' old me there was chicken stock in my soup part way through eating it..I'm vegerarian

MrsTerryPratchett · 05/08/2022 20:04

I hate banter, pranks and other humour designed to humiliate for laughs. I like comedy. Just not humour which is predicated on someone being hurt, upset, scared or humiliated,. DH knows this so if he did similar, I would be upset.

I'd assume it's technically spiking and therefore technically illegal. Giving someone alcohol by stealth isn't a great idea, folks. Even for the bantz.

WinterMusings · 05/08/2022 20:04

alnawire · 03/08/2022 08:20

God this is a. Bit much. Fuck me it was a sip of beer. A joke.

Can you explain the funny part?

The 'joke' being beer & orange juice don't look the same, don't smell the same and he doesn't usually drink orange juice.

WTF would it be oj?

they were laughing at her being such an idiot.

alnawire · 05/08/2022 20:06

they were laughing at her being such an idiot.

Yeah, that's actually what's wrong about this.

EveryFlightBeginsWithAFall · 05/08/2022 20:08

He probably thought you'd realise by the smell so wouldn't drink it . I'm really surprised you got to the point of sipping it! Even those that look a bit like oj smell like beer

georgarina · 05/08/2022 20:39

Just sounds like a stupid joke. Taking the last sip of a pint won't do anything. I couldn't get worked up about this unless there is a massive backstory.

Greenleaf22 · 05/08/2022 20:47

He was being a dick but I would be more bothered that him and his mate where in on it as you’re his partner and he should have more respect for your choices.

Greenleaf22 · 05/08/2022 20:50

alnawire · 05/08/2022 20:06

they were laughing at her being such an idiot.

Yeah, that's actually what's wrong about this.

I agree, as the beer/OJ isn’t the issue it’s them laughing at her.

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