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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Would you find this out of order or just a harmless joke?

127 replies

Sishirunak · 03/08/2022 08:02

I don't drink at all and haven't for years, not because of any alcohol issues, I just react badly to alcohol, can't tolerate a lot and hate being hungover.
Anyway my partner does and I met him and his friend in a bar this week. My partner just had a pint of orange juice which is unusual for him. I asked if it was just orange, he said yes, and told me to finish it as he didn't want the last bit.

I took a drink of it and immediately realised it was beer. They both burst out laughing and had been in on it. I just laughed but looking back do you think this was a bit of a dick move, or was I just being sensitive?

OP posts:
Itiswasitis90 · 03/08/2022 08:33

I've never seen a beer that looked like OJ. Dick move but if your overthinking this, then I'm guessing you aren't happy in your relationship and it's more then just him pranking you.

FrancescaContini · 03/08/2022 08:33

Someone doesn’t drink alcohol but it’s funny to put some in her drink, according to many of you here.

Would it be funny to add something dairy to a dish to someone who’s lactose intolerant/ add pork to a meal served to a Muslim and pretend it’s chicken/ put nuts in a dish and give to someone with a nut allergy - etc, etc? Then reveal the truth, and laugh at them?

The possibilities are endless!! How hilarious 😶

Begoniasforever · 03/08/2022 08:37

FrancescaContini · 03/08/2022 08:33

Someone doesn’t drink alcohol but it’s funny to put some in her drink, according to many of you here.

Would it be funny to add something dairy to a dish to someone who’s lactose intolerant/ add pork to a meal served to a Muslim and pretend it’s chicken/ put nuts in a dish and give to someone with a nut allergy - etc, etc? Then reveal the truth, and laugh at them?

The possibilities are endless!! How hilarious 😶

He didn’t add alcohol to her drink? You appear confused.

Society · 03/08/2022 08:39

@FrancescaContini he didn't put anything in her drink. It was his drink, in a bar. Completely different scenario to putting something someone is allergic to into their meal that could potentially kill them.
Do you usually mistake beer for orange juice?

OliveHenry · 03/08/2022 08:40

Not funny behaviour at all.

There are many modern beers which look like orange juice, especially if poured without a head. There's a trend for unfiltered double IPAs which look very thick and cloudy!

Would you find this out of order or just a harmless joke?
orangeisthenewpuce · 03/08/2022 08:43

To all those people saying she should dump him I think he should dump her for taking herself so seriously.

Severntrent · 03/08/2022 08:43

Its not like you're allergic or would react to one sip of beer. Its just a not particularly funny joke. I'd have made fun of him for doing a 14 year olds joke and moved on.

5foot5 · 03/08/2022 08:44

Someone doesn’t drink alcohol but it’s funny to put some in her drink, according to many of you here.

Nobody has said that, only you. He did not "put something in her drink". As other posters have said, if he had put some tasteless alcohol in orange juice to trick her in to drinking a significant amount and thus suffer the aftereffects, then that would be unacceptable. Everybody on here has agreed that.

But he didn't. He offered it to her knowing she would realise immediately and not consume more than a mouthful probably not even that. He might even have thought she would guess from the smell. Nobody could have any bad after effects from one mouthful of beer.

A slightly silly joke no doubt thought up on the spur of the moment because of the unusual nature of the drink. Hardly LTB territory

alnawire · 03/08/2022 08:45

@Begoniasforever

It is really concerning for the couple of posters whi have effectively had a near meltdown over this.

Replying to more than one post isn't having a near meltdown. Interesting use of emotive language to quash the posters you don't agree with. Yet when asked why it's funny you had no words other than to tell me nobody could explain it to me!

For most folks it’s just a daft joke,

Although there are several posters who don't think so, so not 'for most'

I mean who can’t tell the difference between beer and orange juice.

This isn't relevant. OP shouldn't have to be on guard in case her own partner decides to lie.

It was a sip of beer.

A sip of beer OP did not want.

End of

You don't actually get to decide that. People can and will contribute to post on this thread, be it with similar or differing opinions to you and I. I was prepared to listen to yours and asked you to explain. You hit back with a dig. So you can't explain why it's funny and you think your opinion is the only opinion, and you stared the post in responding to saying it's concerning for others!

Runoutofusernames · 03/08/2022 09:09

orangeisthenewpuce · Today 08:43

To all those people saying she should dump him I think he should dump her for taking herself so seriously.
This...with bells

KrisAkabusi · 03/08/2022 09:45

This isn't relevant. OP shouldn't have to be on guard in case her own partner decides to lie.

Have you never played a prank on anyone? Ever? Laughed if you witnessed one?

Pinklady245612 · 03/08/2022 10:29

I feel your pain OP, my 'friends' spiked several of my drinks on my hen do when they knew full well I didn't drink. They couldn't see the issue at all, even after I explained it was like giving a vegetarian a beefburger and telling them it was a veggie burger. We got through the wedding but my friendship group changed drastically afterwards.
In your position I would be majorly pissed off. I wouldn't get rid of my husband on this alone, but he'd have some serious apologising to do

alnawire · 03/08/2022 10:32

KrisAkabusi · 03/08/2022 09:45

This isn't relevant. OP shouldn't have to be on guard in case her own partner decides to lie.

Have you never played a prank on anyone? Ever? Laughed if you witnessed one?

I definitely understand pranks. The problem I have is that 'pranking' someone who does not drink alcohol, into drinking alcohol, is not a prank.

The really interesting thing this thread shows is the culture and normalised use of alcohol. If OP has said she did it drink because she was an alcoholic for example, or another medical reason, that would have been accepted without question and her DH would have got slaughtered on here. Sadly though because it's a choice OP has made it's not respected and she is being made out to be both stupid and uptight. How embarrassing.

DysmalRadius · 03/08/2022 10:34

He told her it was something she likes and it was actually something she doesn't like - it's hardly a joke, just a lie intended to make her consume something that she didn't want to.

I suppose if you think pranks that rely on people taking you at your word are funny then this falls into that category, but I would be unimpressed if someone did it to me because it's such a pointless waste of trust.

godmum56 · 03/08/2022 10:35

KrisAkabusi · 03/08/2022 09:45

This isn't relevant. OP shouldn't have to be on guard in case her own partner decides to lie.

Have you never played a prank on anyone? Ever? Laughed if you witnessed one?

actually no and I dislike them. they always strike me as punching downwards and unpleasant. As for the OP yes I think it was intended as a joke but that doesn't mean it wasn't a dick move...."pranks" often are

Pinklady245612 · 03/08/2022 10:38

Really shocked at the number of people saying this is ok, it's 'only' alcohol. It's only alcohol to you, but as someone who chooses not to drink I'd be really upset if someone purposely tried to trick me into ingesting something I've chosen not to.

Would you trick a vegetarian into eating meat and laugh?
Would you trick a Hindu into eating beef and laugh?
Would you trick someone with a gluten intolerance into eating gluten and laugh?

The reason behind not drinking alcohol is irrelevant, it's the OP's life choice and should be respected

5foot5 · 03/08/2022 10:48

alnawire · 03/08/2022 08:20

God this is a. Bit much. Fuck me it was a sip of beer. A joke.

Can you explain the funny part?

Ok @alnawire I will bite.

But first it must be acknowledged that humour cannot often be explained. Many times if you try to explain a joke it ceases to be funny. Think of the scenes at the end of the Vicar of Dibley when Geraldine has to dissect the joke for the sake of Alice who simply doesn't get the punch line.

However, this was more in the line of a prank than a joke. I know that on mumsnet "prank" is often seen as a dirty word and some people claim not to find them funny ever. They claim that pranks are just cruel and are intended to humiliate people. I think it is a question of degree personally.

When I was very small I thought the funniest thing ever was a trick teaspoon which we had purchased on a day out at the seaside. The spoon had a hole in it, but when it was pushed in to a bowl of sugar it looked like a normal teaspoon. I would take great delight in offering the sugar to guests who were having a cup of tea and then watching there look of surprise when all the sugar trickled out through the hole in the spoon. It was that reaction, that "Oh!", which I found hilarious.

So was I an unusually cruel four year old seeking to humiliate our guests? Probably you think so, but fortunately everybody I played this trick on saw the joke and joined in the laughter.

And that is the thing about pranks and practical jokes. Very often the "victim" will also see the funny side and join in with the giggle.

But I guess there is a sliding scale with the teaspoon at one end and much more intentionally cruel stunts at the other. As an extreme example, telling someone that a loved one had died and then when they are about to collapse with grief saying "Nah, only kidding." I imagine only some kind of psychopath would find that funny and the majority of people would be appalled. But for the oddities who did find that amusing it is essentially the same thing, the "humour" is in observing the shocked reaction of the person on whom you have played the prank.

I imagine most people will set there own bar on this sliding scale - up to a certain point still funny and a joke, after a certain point cruel and humiliating.

Back to this sip of beer. Whether or not you find it funny will depend upon where you set your own personal bar on this scale. If you are not on the scale at all, not even at the teaspoon end then no, of course you won't find it funny. Or if you will allow that the teaspoon joke was mildly risible but feel the sip of beer was going too far then, fair enough, past your own personal limit but still basically the same joke. It relies on the shocked reaction of the "victim" for its humour.

Myself I find it a harmless prank. The OP's DH was not trying to get her drunk by spiking her drink in some way, e.g. giving her a vodka and orange - that would indeed be cruel and wrong. He gave her the beer knowing she would immediately realise what it was and for him the funny part was seeing her expression of surprise when she tasted it. If I had been the OP in that situation I am pretty sure I would have seen the funny side of that and not felt at all upset or humiliated. But obviously we all differ in what we find funny and allowable as a joke.

Idontthink · 03/08/2022 10:50

hes an idiot and disrespectful.I don’t drink because I can’t stop when I do and will have another and another and so on but when I go out and I say I’ll have non alcoholic lager I get oh come on have a drink -every time.
no one repeatedly asks do you want a cigarette if you say I don’t smoke
it’s bloody annoying

Herejustforthisone · 03/08/2022 11:16

It’s a bit like tricking a vegan into eating meat. Not the end of the world but a really fucking shitty thing to do when someone has chosen to actively avoid consuming something. I wouldn’t like being the butt of a joke between my husband and his friend.

Alconleigh · 03/08/2022 11:23

He sounds a bit thick. People who love practical jokes and 'pranks' often are. Same intellectual level as finding Mr Bean hilarious. And there are loads of fruited sours that look, and indeed smell, exactly like fruit juice.

Strugglingtodomybest · 03/08/2022 11:32

Well explained 5foot5

alnawire · 03/08/2022 11:38

@5foot5

A teaspoon with a hole in it isn't comparable with tricking someone who does not drink alcohol into drinking alcohol.

You have tried to explain to me what a prank is. I wasn't asking what a pranks is, but thanks for giving it a go I guess?

Blsp · 03/08/2022 11:42

Maybe he just thought it was hilarious you had mistaken beer for orange juice and that's why he let you finish it. Friend obviously knew it was beer but wasn't necessary in on any plan to give it to you. Maybe just spur of the moment taking the piss out of you for thinking he was sat with a pint of orange.

OneTC · 03/08/2022 11:43

Inexcusable dick move

QueSyrahSyrah · 03/08/2022 11:49

Herejustforthisone · 03/08/2022 11:16

It’s a bit like tricking a vegan into eating meat. Not the end of the world but a really fucking shitty thing to do when someone has chosen to actively avoid consuming something. I wouldn’t like being the butt of a joke between my husband and his friend.

It's not thought is it. The OP herself says she doesn't drink because she can't tolerate 'a lot'. This was a sip, not 'a lot'. If he'd bought her an alcoholic pint when she asked for a non-alcoholic one and watched her unknowingly drink it all then that would be a shitty thing to do.

A vegan doesn't tolerate any animal products, so even a bite or a sip would be a shitty thing to do.