To think my sister shouldn't ask this

[Tillow4ever]

So I've always helped feed my sisters cats when they go away if she needs it, and she's done mine a couple of times. No problem, I love cats and she only lives a few minutes drive away or 10 minute walk.

Last year I helped out and noticed one of the cats kept shitting everywhere. I messaged to let her know in case the cat was unwell or unhappy. She replied "oh that's just Moggy's name, she always does that. That's why I left a pack of wipes out". I was a bit miffed that she hadn't forwarded me of this, but cracked on with it.

Roll around to this year and I'm helping out again. Message beforehand was the cat still shits everywhere, but they're currently on a special diet so it's really sloppy too. Not exactly happy about this, but what could I say - it's my sister!

Gone round there today and there are 3 lots of shit, 2 ridiculously loose and 1 firm (suggesting 2 cats now doing it) and a puddle of piss directly between the 2 litter trays. No sign of either litter tray being used. They also have a cat flap.

Now I know you'll say I should just say no - but it's family and it's hard when we both do favours for each other. But I'd never expect her (or anyone I wasn't paying) to come round and clean up that sort of mess knowing it would definitely happen on a daily basis.

AIBU to think she shouldn't even ask someone to deal with this and that should she be looking to pay a professional to come in? Or even better, should she have looked into WHY this cat behaves like this? To me it says the cat is stressed/unhappy/unwell as they are usually such clean creatures. And to refuse to use the litter tray or go outside to use it is just weird. I just couldn't imagine asking her to come and feed my cat and tell her there was a chance this might happen.

The cats are probably just pissed off because their routine isn't normal, people aren't home etc. Toilet issues when they are stressed are very normal.

It doesn't require a vet or a specialist to investigate if it only happens when they go away.

If you don't want to deal with it in future, you have to say no.

Your sister is a very neglectful, irresponsible cat owner. She needs to figure out why this is happening.

But they do it all day every day she says - it's not just when she's away. That I could grumble about and put up with (although I still think she should pay someone knowing it happens). But this is something the cat has been doing for the last couple of years or so (I certainly don't remember her doing it when she was younger).

This is what I think - I've gently asked in the past if she knows why/has she asked the vet etc, but my sister just shrugs it off. She absolutely loves cats, but isn't always a responsible owner (one of her cats is massively overweight for example - not the one doing the pooing - and yes he's lovely, but it's not healthy for him). I'm trying to remember if this all started after they got another cat, or if they already had all 3.

I doubt a cat sitter would be more equipped or happy to deal with it than you, if it is indeed your sister neglecting the cat, rather than a diagnosed medical condition with a treatment plan.

I would suggest that you clean as much as you are comfortable with, for the sake of the cat(s). Not for the comfort of your sister.

Your sister is a shit cat parent. The cats need to see a vet to see if there is an underlying health condition. It's obviously not because their routine is off if the cat is doing it with your sister being home too.

Sorry you've to clean that up. The odd "accident" or a furball fine but not full on piles if shite dotted around and now puddles of piss!

Nope, wouldn’t be cleaning up cat shit. No way. Vile.

I'll clean it (what I can see - I'm not going looking for it upstairs) because I'm not going to let her come back to a houseful of cat diarrhoea or leave the cats in that.

No a professional wouldn't be anymore equipped to handle it - but you should be paying someone to deal with things like that, not relying on goodwill! Plus, a professional might turn round and tell her that's not really acceptable and that she needs to look into why the cat is doing it, because it isn't normal behaviour.

I think it's just the sheer volume of it I found there tonight and that she's never tried things like changing the cat littler to see if it will use the litter tray with something other than the cheapest crap she can get! And all she left me was a roll of cloth and a bleach spray. No gloves, no bags. There's an open lidded bin to put it all in, but that's going to stink by the end of the week!

Thanks - I KNOW how much she loves her cats, so feel bad even suggesting she's a bad owner. But she really should be looking into this I think, not just shrugging and saying it's just what she does

If it was just when she was away, I'd begrudgingly accept it because that's out of her control.

If I don't reply for a bit it's because I'm off out shortly, but I will look in for replies and advice on how to broach it with her later!

Fantastically missing the point of the thread but my god her house must stink!!

And yes, she's a bad cat mummy!!

If it's any consolation, many years ago my sister asked me and my (then) boyfriend to stay at her house for a week to look after her three kittens, and only informed me just as she was leaving that all three of them had fleas and that she was 'going to deal with it next week when she'd been paid.' We got bitten to hell.

She's a lot more responsible now and a really good pet owner now that she's middle-aged rather than 23, but any favour she asks will inevitably gradually escalate into being way more than expected. For instance 'Would you be able to water the plants while I'm away for three days?' would turn into 'So actually I think I'm now going to be away for week' and then 'Also, I'm having new carpets and they can do it when I'm away so would you be able to be there all day that day after you watered the plants' and so on and so on.

Can you limit them to one room, with the cat flap. And put puppy pads all over..

Advice on how to broach it with her?

Can't you just tell her you are totally fed up of cleaning up cat shit all the time, she is massively taking the piss going away and leaving someone to deal with it and, even though she says she loves her cat, she is a cruel and irresponsible owner for not taking it to the vet to get the problem sorted. That should cover it.

Oh and telling her you won't be looking after her cats again until she has got this under control.

is there a public bin that people put dog crap in that you could use?

It is an outrageous ask on her part, having you clean sloppy cat shit every day.

Sounds like a nightmare! I also had the inevitable "oh can you water my plants too" text an hour after they left......

If I saw them I potentially could have done - but 2 of them I never see. They are likely hiding somewhere in the house.

Also, if it's as I suspect and the issue is one of the other cats, it might make it even worse. Plus my sister wouldn't be happy when they usually have free reign, and why should I have the expense (and inconvenience) of going out to buy puppy pads or something (with no guarantee it will work).

You just need to be honest with her, surely?

Sis, I'm not going to be able to look after your cats next time you go away, that was a bloody nightmare. There was piss and shit everywhere every time I went in, and I'm not up for that again. So, did you have a good time?

Let her make of that what she will, it's perfectly reasonable.

Advice on how to broach it with her?

Can't you just tell her you are totally fed up of cleaning up cat shit all the time, she is massively taking the piss going away and leaving someone to deal with it and, even though she says she loves her cat, she is a cruel and irresponsible owner for not taking it to the vet to get the problem sorted. That should cover it.

Oh and telling her you won't be looking after her cats again until she has got this under control.

I wish. It's just not worth the family fall out and drama. And there are times where we need her to feed our cat, so I know she'd just say no to spite us over it. She always takes the piss with everything - e.g. an occasional request for morning childcare ended up being asked for a regular every week deal, that meant I'd have to be ready to receive her child over half an hour before my normal get up time and not even the same day each week either. I pushed back on that, she got really arsey and said she'd never ask me for a favour again and got someone else to take on the responsibility. If her kid is sick, she'll always ask me because I work from home rather than push her husband to work from home or take the day off (although he'll happily take a day off to pull her out of school to go out for the day) because her job is one that can't be done from home.

No idea where the nearest one would be - and I don't fancy having to go to a shop (I rarely leave the house these days, I only do online shopping) to buy some poo bags at my own expense anyway. If she comes home to a stinky house maybe it will make her re-think the situation!

Thank you - that might be the best way, just say it was really bad whilst she was away and suggest she asks the vet for ideas for the cat!

If she always takes the piss with everything then you need to stop letting her.

I don't know if this would be useful or not in her situation, but can smell in a situation like that can permanently taint a house. It will become almost impossible to sell or if she rents she may have to pay a huge fee.

You might try and pass this information on as a way to move her towards investigating what's going on.

Cat excrement issues are one reason I no longer have a cat. Sometimes they are almost impossible to solve if things have gone wrong, and it comes down to getting rid of the cat, which is difficult to face.

For this week only and peace of mind, shut them into the room with the flap. Spread out the trays, and perhaps change the litters. I’d second the puppy pad idea. It’s not going to cost a huge amount and worth it for ease of cleaning? Can’t be that difficult to find them? And could you flush it rather than bin it so the house isn’t completely disgusting when she gets home?

I agree that letting her cone back to the stink is a good idea.

but I'm wondering - what do you notice when you go over there normally? It sounds like she isn't looking after them, but in that case you'd know before this happened?