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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think my sister shouldn't ask this

65 replies

Tillow4ever · 02/08/2022 16:40

So I've always helped feed my sisters cats when they go away if she needs it, and she's done mine a couple of times. No problem, I love cats and she only lives a few minutes drive away or 10 minute walk.

Last year I helped out and noticed one of the cats kept shitting everywhere. I messaged to let her know in case the cat was unwell or unhappy. She replied "oh that's just Moggy's name, she always does that. That's why I left a pack of wipes out". I was a bit miffed that she hadn't forwarded me of this, but cracked on with it.

Roll around to this year and I'm helping out again. Message beforehand was the cat still shits everywhere, but they're currently on a special diet so it's really sloppy too. Not exactly happy about this, but what could I say - it's my sister!

Gone round there today and there are 3 lots of shit, 2 ridiculously loose and 1 firm (suggesting 2 cats now doing it) and a puddle of piss directly between the 2 litter trays. No sign of either litter tray being used. They also have a cat flap.

Now I know you'll say I should just say no - but it's family and it's hard when we both do favours for each other. But I'd never expect her (or anyone I wasn't paying) to come round and clean up that sort of mess knowing it would definitely happen on a daily basis.

AIBU to think she shouldn't even ask someone to deal with this and that should she be looking to pay a professional to come in? Or even better, should she have looked into WHY this cat behaves like this? To me it says the cat is stressed/unhappy/unwell as they are usually such clean creatures. And to refuse to use the litter tray or go outside to use it is just weird. I just couldn't imagine asking her to come and feed my cat and tell her there was a chance this might happen.

OP posts:
Original poster
Tillow4ever · 03/08/2022 14:30

MangyInseam · 02/08/2022 23:51

I don't know if this would be useful or not in her situation, but can smell in a situation like that can permanently taint a house. It will become almost impossible to sell or if she rents she may have to pay a huge fee.

You might try and pass this information on as a way to move her towards investigating what's going on.

Cat excrement issues are one reason I no longer have a cat. Sometimes they are almost impossible to solve if things have gone wrong, and it comes down to getting rid of the cat, which is difficult to face.

She rents from our parents.

OP posts:
Original poster
Tillow4ever · 03/08/2022 14:31

EmmaH2022 · 03/08/2022 00:02

I agree that letting her cone back to the stink is a good idea.

but I'm wondering - what do you notice when you go over there normally? It sounds like she isn't looking after them, but in that case you'd know before this happened?

There's never normally any smell or sign of cat shit everywhere.

OP posts:
Original poster
Tillow4ever · 03/08/2022 14:32

BerylBird · 03/08/2022 00:16

I got roped in to looking after my neighbour's cat whenever she goes away. There is never enough food or litter left and I have to buy more, there is often no scoop or bags for the litter, no paper towels, the sink is always filled with dirty dishes and the bins are always left overflowing. The cat is sweet and would find is very stressful to go into a cattery - which is why I do it - but it makes me mad and resentful every time.

I've also (by another neighbour) been asked to look after a kitten with diarrhoea - I found it it really neglectful that they would every consider leaving such a young animal in that state - as they can go downhill so quickly. I was having to go next door 5-6 times a day to check he was ok. Far too much to ask of a neighbour.

I had a neighbour once that decide to book their new kitten in to get spayed 2 days before they went on holiday. I asked her several times in advance to consider leaving it til they got back in case of any problems, but she didn't. So I had to give the kitten pain meds daily, check for infection and go round extra times per day just to sit with her.

OP posts:
Original poster
Tillow4ever · 03/08/2022 14:35

Strictlyfanoftenyears · 03/08/2022 00:16

Both of you need to put your cats in a cattery while away.

Why do I need to put my cat in a cattery? At most we go away once every couple of years. The cat is more than happy on her own, she has a cat flap and has someone go round twice a day to feed and water her. She gets fed the same as if we were at home. Cats aren't like dogs, they're fine to be left as long as you have someone to feed them.

OP posts:
Original poster
Tillow4ever · 03/08/2022 14:36

saraclara · 03/08/2022 00:24

There's a child in that house? With cat shit everywhere?

There isn't cat shit everywhere - obviously my sister cleans it up as soon as it happens normally. It's only whilst they're away that it's sat for longer as I'm not in their house all day.

OP posts:
Original poster
Tillow4ever · 03/08/2022 14:38

hilariousnamehere · 03/08/2022 00:39

What plants does she have @Tillow4ever? If any of them are poisonous/toxic to cats (and there is a surprisingly long list of common house and outdoor plants and flowers which are) that could be accounting for the ongoing issues :(

There's a couple of hanging baskets and a strawberry plant. The new special diet cat food is causing the sloppy shit, the shitting in the house is an ongoing thing for at least a couple of years.

OP posts:
Original poster
Tillow4ever · 03/08/2022 14:40

notangelinajolie · 03/08/2022 01:01

Not sure that I have ever heard of a professional cat sitter - I don’t think there are qualifications in cat sitting so I would say as sister/cat owner you are qualified more than most to look after your sisters cat.
I have a cat who refuses to use her cat flap and the result is cat sick (not shit). She is long haired so this is not uncommon. Our only option when we go away is 2 visits a day from the cat sitter and permanently taping the cat flap open. Yes, there is a risk of other cats coming in - but tbh they would come in regardless of the flap being there or not.

Perhaps your sisters cat has an aversion to the cat flap? Have you seen her use it?

As far as I know, apart from the cat too fat to use it, the other cats use the flap with no issues. In fact, I'm sure she's commented before that the cat has come into the house to shit then leave again.

No, there's not a professional cat sitter, what I meant was paying someone who does it for a living because she'd have to pay extra if that were happening which might make her think about it a bit more!

OP posts:
Original poster
Tillow4ever · 03/08/2022 14:41

geojellyfish · 03/08/2022 01:34

Perhaps say that you're growing increasingly concerned about the cat's health and that you think it requires further (any?) investigation by the vet. Tell her how bad it was and say that she needs to address it before her next trip as you don't think you can deal with it again

Thank you! This is a really good suggestion. I know it very passive, but I don't want to fall out over it and all she'd do is ask one of her mates instead, who just wouldn't say anything to her.

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Original poster
Tillow4ever · 03/08/2022 14:42

@Davyjones there are 2 litter trays between them. The cat isn't doing it in the same place, it's in different rooms and places within the room.

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Original poster
Tillow4ever · 03/08/2022 14:46

GreenLunchBox · 03/08/2022 02:06

Poo troll

I have no idea what you mean. If you're accusing me of being a troll, I assure you I'm not. It's a genuine situation that I'm facing this week. I've been on Mumsnet for years, under 3 different names, but tend to read and reply to people rather than post. If I need to prove how long I've been here, I remember the penis beaker, CP bum sex, the scaffolding drama, etc.

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Original poster
Tillow4ever · 03/08/2022 14:48

Suzi888 · 03/08/2022 02:36

So… there are two cats peeing and pooing all over the house - the smell must be horrendous. I literally could not do it. 🤢
I’d would need access to throws, a roll of decorating tape for the floors and constant washing machine /tumble dryer access. I would not be sleeping there.

A cat that is happy to poo everywhere when there’s a tray is not going to use a puppy pad. Surely she should see a vet, sloppy poo sounds like there’s something not right.

Weirdly, no smell! The loose poos are caused by the new diet apparently.

Fortunately the cats have only done it on laminate floor or tiles (not on any carpet). I'm not stopping in the house, just visiting daily.

OP posts:
Original poster
Tillow4ever · 03/08/2022 14:52

BionicEar · 03/08/2022 03:19

We adopted a cat that has soiling issues. (We weren’t aware of this when we got him)

He will only use a certain type of litter, has been diagnosed with IBS (after numerous tests to rule out other medical issues) and is on a special diet.

He used to soil outside the box but just in one area so we had puppy pads down. Always did wees in the box. He was worse when we were away so likely linked to anxiety.

It took a few years before we got him using the box totally. Ironically he improved after we got a kitten started to use tray more. Then turning point came when he stayed at a cattery whilst we were away on holiday and he was confined to small space.

He still struggles with going to the loo because of his IBS but his toileting behaviour has massively improved.

We had friends look after our cats in the past but they were fully aware of the issue and we paid them. When his issue got worse and he had to go on medication for a while we found a cattery that were happy to care for him knowing his full care needs along with our other cat.

I would recommend that your sister gets both cats checked out at the vet. Possibly if both are doing it then it is an infection of some sort, if not caused by stress in their environment.

In the meantime gets yourself dispo gloves, puppy pads, wipes and nappy sacks to clear up mess to reduce risk of infection to yourself. Ask your sister for refund of money to cover cost of these.

Tell your sister that it isn’t something she has to resign herself to, it is something that can be fixed with investigation and tweaking what could be potential cause.

These are some of the things to consider…

Cat litter - has she tries different types. Some cats are more sensitive (paws very sensitive) so won’t use if don’t like feel/smell of it.

Cat litter box - does the cat prefers an open or enclosed litter box? Is the box big enough as if too small may not feel comfortable using. Are there more than one box available for cat to use?

Food - has she tries giving different food? Grain free may help if it is digestion/allergy issue.

Medical - need to be seen by vet to rule out infection (parasite) or any other health condition.

Stress - try using plug in calmer. Is the box in a quiet location? Is there tension between cats as soiling outside of box can be a territory tactic.

I hope that the issue with the cats can be resolved, not only for their sakes but for your sister and her family as it’s not pleasant to be living through this situation.

I know a number of posters are saying cat(s) should be rehomed but wanted to share my story so that folk are aware it is something that can be fixed without having to get rid of the cat(s). At the end of the day our pet(s) are our responsibility so it is down to the owner to address the issue and not pass the buck.

Thank you so, so much! Sorry you had to go through it, but your comment is really, really helpful to me. I'll definitely suggest these things to her. I have thought it could be the litter - she uses really cheap crap basically. A neighbour did similar and her cat would sit in the tray and poo outside it until I suggested to her trying Catsan and after that it stopped. So it wouldn't surprise me if the cat doesn't like the litter she has.

OP posts:
Original poster
Tillow4ever · 03/08/2022 14:52

WiddlinDiddlin · 03/08/2022 03:52

Ugh!

She needs a tray per cat plus a spare, and they cannot be all lined up next to one another, they need to be spaced out around the house and sat on a decent sized washable or disposable mat in case of 'misses' (though misses are less likely if the trays are big enough, most litter trays are nowhere near big enough!).

And then she needs to find out what litter they prefer.

And then speak to a cat behaviourist, a Certified Clinical Animal Behaviourist - to address any further issues in a multi-cat household. (A vet may refer, but vets are generally not great at behaviour work unless its a specialist interest area and they're a veterinary behaviourist or have done further studies to be a CCAB etc)

Tell her you won't do it again until she has done these things.

Thank you for the name of the professional needed - I thought there must be one!

OP posts:
Original poster
Tillow4ever · 03/08/2022 14:54

oakleaffy · 03/08/2022 05:00

''Massively overweight'' , doubly incontinent cats?
Sorry but your sister is no cat lover.
That really is the pits.

The risk of disease from cat excrement is high..Her kids likely have toxoplasmosis gondii from being in that house.

Hope she leaves a big supply of disposable gloves for you to use, @Tillow4ever :(

I'll be taking gloves with me from home today.

I think the 2nd cat doing it is due to them being away - I can cope with that because it's situational and isn't something that can be helped.

OP posts:
EmeraldShamrock1 · 03/08/2022 14:54

Her house must stink if this is normal.

I wouldn't venture upstairs let it stink.

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