To be a bit upset by my best friend..

[groovyychick]

My best friends baby is getting christened soon and I am a godparent. I have 2 children and has been with my partner 10 years but we separated 6 months ago. We have recently decided to give it another go, spend time as a family etc. my children are 5 and 10 months respectively.
My eldest really wants to come to the christening, so I asked if their dad could come with us, meaning that all 4 of us could go and have a day as a family. Meaning I wouldn't have to leave DS sat with strangers if I have to go up to the front of the church.
She outright said no. Because she doesn't like how he treated me. Granted he was a shit to me but I was no Angel either. She said her partner thinks we are a joke. He didn't want me as godmother either as he said I wouldn't provide a stable home and had enough on my plate. I have more savings than my friend does, I've brought up 2 children, I'm working. He seems very judgemental.
It means either it's just me and DS who will be on his own at times or I go alone.
I'm keeping the peace and going regardless but am I unreasonable to be a bit upset secretly??

What does God mother even mean today?

What is the role.
I know a couple of people who never see their godchildren?

You’re so casual about ditching her - the godmother to your child that I don’t see that you would make a good godmother to hers 🤷🏻‍♀️

What does godmother even mean today?

I think iit varies from taking on an "auntie" role, someone to shake down for Christmas presents and birthday cards, the token person to stand by the font and drink with at your baptism after party because they were your bridesmaid;(a grand gesture of asking them to be god parent is played out on social media) or maybe it's a passive aggressive way of locking someone into a disintegrating friendship for life

It's all a bit ambiguous.

If your best friend can't be honest, then who can? This is part of the problem of sharing how bad things are, then taking them back. It's early days, come another year, you might need all the honest friends you'll drop because they give an opinion on your relationship.

You are NOT BU to be a bit upset, UP - I'd have told her to shove it right up her jacksy.

Do you really want to be a godparent to a child who's father thinks of you in that way?

I agree, don't isolate yourself from everyone who expresses concern or dislikes your partner, particularly if he's been emotionally abusive and treated you badly in the past.

I feel like telling her to shove it up her arse this is immature, instead of being defensive and hostile try to see things from her point of view, and also think about what you agreed to when you accepted being god parent to her child? Don't turn this into a point scoring exercise.

I would stand by my best friend. We have long standing deep trust that goes beyond the dh/bf of the day.

You could try to prove your friend's husband wrong in his judgment of you? Step up to the role of god parent, attend the christening and try to sort out the argument with your friend?

In time if you manage to salvage your relationship with dp and its more stable, your friend maybe more open to socialising with him? Your baby's christening in September could be a chance to show her you and your partner have both changed.

Dropping your friend, refusing to attend just confirms his impression that you're unreliable and flakey

Providing a stable home is not about money op. It’s about emotional stability and from what you’ve written he is right, it is very unstable, dads here dad isn’t here dads here.

it’s very sad you’ll end a friendship to be with your partner. In a few months when you need her and he’s treating you bad again you will regret it.

I think you should sleep on it OP. I think you are feeling wounded by what she said (however tactless you feel it was delivered) because there is truth in it.

It's hard to watch your friend be mistreated by their partner. From what you have written, your relationship was going through a rough patch and he started sexting people? Was he a good partner before that? Good luck to you but I wouldn't drop your friend as you will probably regret it when you need her support in future.

Yes I think you've maybe got it spot on there. That's good advice. Thank you

Is her partner a bit thick? The purpose of godparents isn’t to provide a home for the kids in the event of the parents dying.

Traditionally, godparents did fulfil the role of taking guardianship of children if their parents died or were no longer able to, hence why it’s such a big commitment in some cases. My godparents were also my legal guardians in the event something happened to my parents, as were those of my partner and his siblings, so it didn’t used to be uncommon.

But even if the plan here is for the godparents to “just” provide moral and religious guidance, most of us would still look to somebody with a stable home and relationship to carry out that role rather than two people who have been unfaithful and have only recently reconciled.

Jesus! Just cos she slept with someone doesn’t make her a bad parent or unstable! Give your head a wobble!!