To feel a bit hurt when people act this way

[Srx1]

It happens to me sometimes that I message a friend and they don't respond for a day or 234 however I can see that they have either been online or even posted an Instagram story or even looked at mine in the meantime. I understand people are busy and have lives but in these situations obviously not that busy. So they either don't care or they 'forgot'. When they eventually do respond, I just feel annoyed and don't even feel like responding anymore because I feel I don't matter to these people anyway. But of course I do because I feel bad if I ignore someone. And so I end up feeling like a fool.

Am I too sensitive? I just can't understand why have people forgotten how to communicate now that is easier than ever to reach out to someone. It doesn't help that I currently don't have close friends nearby due to moving so these things hurt a bit more.

A message only requires a response if it has a question mark.

@Forgiveitall 😄😄 aww thank you for this, it made me laugh! And apologies for the late reply 😅 I was avoiding this thread as I felt everyone kept repeating things that are not the case with me and I can't seem to explain so I gave up.

I have been trying to be more relaxed and not expect anything from people but I still stand by my opinion on certain behaviours. For example, is over 2 weeks and counting enough for someone to read your message? Turns out it's not 😄 whatever..

@dottydoglover it is the world now it seems, sadly!

I was going to post one of the snippy responses about how needy and pushy you sound, but I've RTFT and changed my mind somewhat. I am someone who "takes days to reply", and I am more likely to take a long time to reply if the message is from someone I really do care about. I struggle with communication anyway (ND) and am socially a bit of a disaster area, have MH problems etc, so I really need that time and space to formulate the basics of what I want to say and how I will approach an ongoing text conversation. It's not a comfortable medium for me, so it makes me anxious and I always come away feeling as though I've fucked it up and made a fool of myself. I do feel very resentful when people pressurise me to respond more promptly, to be more fluent and glib and easy to communicate with, because I just can't, and I hate it.

What you're showing is the other side of that equation, and people like me often do forget that you have feelings and insecurities too. It's easy to dismiss you as shallow and social media-obsessed and demanding and unreasonable. When really, you want the same thing I do - to know that your friends value and appreciate you, that when you reach out, it's well received, and that the people you care about aren't going to drop you or abandon you.

I think a bit of give and take on both sides is called for - people like you should try and understand that not everybody can face a text conversation or formulate a meaningful message in an instant, and give us the breathing space we need without panicking that we're snubbing you. People like me need to understand that the friends who are waiting for us to reply to them aren't making demands of us, they're just being our friends, and we should communicate with them so that they understand why it takes a few days to respond, rather than just 'going dark' and letting them assume the worst.

I can tell you this one from the other side as I currently have several messages to read reply to from people I genuinely love to bits but instead Im on Facebook and replying to you on here.
Im really busy, really really busy (arnt we all) im stressed, facebook, Mumsnet is my escape, might be 5 minutes, night be an hour at the end of the day. I havent got the mental space to think about the mesaages. All mean well but its constant. One in particular will reply as soon as I do so I then have to think about it again, how are you, have you got some time this wekeend to meet up, I have to think about how I say no without offending anyone because im so tired and worn out that I need to say no rather than trying to please everyone. Do I love them? Yes, do I value them, yes, do I deserve them... questionable at times but Im there when I can be. Its not a reflection on them, its on me but doesnt mean I dont care. Its just the mental load, dont equate FB and MN as priorities its escape!

@Greensleeves thank you for not posting a snippy response ☺️ I understand what you are saying, as well as @Mamma80 and it does make sense in most situations, it's just that there are some people that don't react even when it comes to some important stuff, which is what puzzles me but I am learning not to take it personally and to look from someone else's perspective. As I say, it's just hard for me to understand some situations more than the others and in some cases, I don't think it's right behaviour but if someone keeps ignoring me when it comes to important stuff ( for 3 weeks too) I will just distance myself and that's it- I am not wasting my valuable time on people like that ☺️
Also just wanted to add that I never pressure anyone for a response, I never said to any of these people anything like : why are you not replying etc. And I am definitely not a social media obsessed person, far from that! 😬

Yabu. And needy.just because we CAN be in contact with people 24/7 doesnr mean they HAVE to respond to you straight away as well..

People have lives. And jobs. And hobbies and they need some down time .

I hate this about our lives today. Everyone has (or thinks they have) a say on how you spend your time. If I want to post on Instagram before thinking about your message, I’ll post on Instagram. Just because you have messaged me does not mean that I am obliged to reply to it within your timescale.

see also: people (my mother) who get annoyed when I don’t immediately answer my mobile.

You say you're not needy but if someone doesn't reply to a message within a time frame of your choosing, you monitor their time online, decide if whatever they are doing online is more or less worthy than replying to you, and then send a follow up text to see if they got your previous one.

That would make me feel really claustrophobic, and it would put me off replying at all.

...which is not what I'm doing but I'm not going to repeat myself as I explained already in my other posts ☺️ thanks for everyone's input, I appreciate them all !

You sound exactly like a friend of mine. Thinks that people should reply within her designated, 'acceptable' timescale and if they dont, she gets pissy. It's very entitled. It's also basically demanding people's time whenever you feel like it. As opposed to understanding that not everyone wants to sit and play text tennis with people and they will therefore reply when they are comfortable.

Her and I are no longer the close friends we were becauae of this and I deliberately take a lot longer to reply to her than others simply because I don't want to encourage her behaviour.

Sorry but your attitude has hit a nerve with me, I spent so long being made to feel bad for not replying straight away and it actually became anxiety provoking even receiving a message from her because I knew that her attitude would be at play if I didn't get round to replying quickly enough for her.

If you both have to reply immediately does that not mean you’ll have to continue that conversation in real time until the end of time?

Sometimes I just don't want to talk to people 🤷‍♀️

But I like to mindlessly scroll or even update others on what we've been doing in a way that isn't specifically inviting conversation.

I'd never ignore someone face to face but I also don't think someone opening a line of communication with me that isn't urgent demands my immediate response.

Have not got the energy.
Do not want to listen to a voicenote.
Not in the mood.
Person is needy.
Person is hard work.
Nothing to say.
Nothing good to say.
Just want to mindlessly scroll crap and not enter into a conversation.
Find it hard to reply to jibber jabber.
Have to psyche myself up before replying to a moany text.
Literally do not want to get a text back within seconds.
Do not want to open the floodgates of conversation knowing it will go on for hours.
Being sure I want to go somewhere before committing to an invite.
Do not want to answer questions about my finances, my husband, my teenagers, my job, my morning, my afternoon or how many wee's I've had that day and if they were clear or yellow...Ohh Shazzy, you need more water!
Not now.
Leave me alone.
Not you again.
Take the hint.
I can't cope.
Stop blowing up my phone.
Watching dogs blowing snot bubbles out of their nose is better that replying to that poor me twaddle you just sent me.
If you message me again you are going on mute.
Nope, not today Fidelma.
My cup is empty.
Do one.

God voice notes can fuck all the way off