To feel a bit hurt when people act this way

[Srx1]

It happens to me sometimes that I message a friend and they don't respond for a day or 234 however I can see that they have either been online or even posted an Instagram story or even looked at mine in the meantime. I understand people are busy and have lives but in these situations obviously not that busy. So they either don't care or they 'forgot'. When they eventually do respond, I just feel annoyed and don't even feel like responding anymore because I feel I don't matter to these people anyway. But of course I do because I feel bad if I ignore someone. And so I end up feeling like a fool.

Am I too sensitive? I just can't understand why have people forgotten how to communicate now that is easier than ever to reach out to someone. It doesn't help that I currently don't have close friends nearby due to moving so these things hurt a bit more.

Maybe I'm just too old school when it comes to friendships

No, you're just too demanding.

This is what annoys me also. On WhatsApp, why does the person read the message if they know they are too busy to reply.

If I'm busy I just don't read it and wait until I can reply and read at the same time therefore less chance of forgetting about it and being rude. I definitely have people in my life who like to pretend they are super busy and take nearly a day to reply after reading which is so annoying. In this day an age everyone use their phones for everything and it takes 2 secs to hit a reply.

If someone takes the time to ask how you are it's polite to reply
Some people don't have any friends.
Never take ppl for granted one day they might not be there to message you.

If someone takes the time to ask how you are it's polite to reply

You make it sound like I'm advocating ignoring a comment in the street face to face with a friend.

I'm also no advocating not replying.

Sending a remote message and expecting or demanding an immediate response is rude.

OP it is sensitive however I feel exactly the same when this happens. It's really annoying

I love it when my friends don't reply!!! Makes me feel way better about not replying to them in a timely way!

FWIW, the people I'm slowest at replying to are the ones I care most about. I see the message from them and think, 'i must send a well thought out long response' so I don't reply immediately and in the end often never do. It's because I care too much to send a quick reaponse

I agree entirely @Passthetena especially when it’s a 20 min WhatsApp voicenote. Some days I just can’t open and listen let alone reply.

It’s excruciating for me to respond to Whatsapps, texts, calls, emails etc. It takes days, or even weeks for me to respond. I have understanding friends and family.

I have ADHD, not sure if this is a symptom.

It's a hard thing to explain OP but I'm like your friends. I've got texts I've not replied to right now while I'm replying to a strangers post on an online forum about friends not replying (the irony)

The only way I can think to explain it is that I feel overwhelmed by it and it's easier to scroll mindlessly. I find it especially difficult if I have multiple people to reply to and it feels out of control

It's like i build it up to be a bigger thing on my "to do" list than it is and once I've replied to them all it's almost a sense of relief

Ironically I could've replied to 2 or 3 texts in the time I've replied to this!

It sounds like you need a service level agreement with your friends. That’s crazy.

If I reply to a message within a set time does that mean the person receiving my message has to respond within a similar timeframe. That would mean conversations never end.

I message friends when I have time and the mental energy to deal with any follow in messages. If I felt under pressure to reply I’d deprioritise those messages because they are likely to need the most time/energy.

People don’t owe you their time. Why should things happen on your timescale rather than your friend’s timescale?

I'm the same as the poster above. I spend a lot of time on my phone and social media but I often take days/ weeks to reply to a message if it is not important. I get tired by too much social interaction and need me time. Looking at FB is very different to messaging someone. When I do get around to replying to people they reply so quickly that it overwhelms me. I don't like the idea of being available to everyone to chat to at any time they feel like it.

🤦🏻‍♀️ I don't need an SLA with my friends, why is everything I said so exaggerated...

Again, I understand what most of you are saying, about it not having to be instant, busy lives, overwhelmed etc.

However I am not talking here about me texting my friends constantly with unnecessary stuff and demanding a reply straight away no matter what because I’m so important .
Some of you seem to get loads of notifications throughout the day or you get loads of voice messages . I personally rarely send/receive voice messages, it is mostly if someone has to say a lot so it’s quicker. I’m sure types of communication nowadays differ with different people, age groups, cultures etc. And when I said maybe I’m old school when it comes to friendships I meant in a way that we’d always be there for one another, prioritising people over any other distractions(that we now have).
In a world where everything has to be done super quick and people don’t take time to communicate but rely on likes as a form of acknowledgment of someone’s life, I find people who send an occasional text as a good thing because they think of you and they take the time to actually ask you how you are directly rather than just clicking a like button or sending an emoji. Also, you never know why is the person contacting you actually. Maybe they feel lonely and wanted to connect. Maybe they miss you. Maybe they are not feeling great but they don’t want to directly say it. Again, I wasn’t talking about people who relentlessly text other people daily with their burden or stupid things. I don’t spend my life on whatsapp thinking who should I text all day long next. I don’t know if I can even explain anymore what my initial thinking was. I just feel like we are , ironically,so disconnected despite having all these ways of connecting nowadays.

We all seem to communicate in different ways it seems, it is what it is.

@FinallyHere Thank you, I do agree with everything you said. And I still have friends who I stayed close to although we don't speak often and nothing ever changes between us. I have friends who treat me as if I never left and as if we saw each other yesterday. But some are not like that and I still make an effort for old times sake but often think maybe I should just leave it. I am trying to make new friends too which is a bit more difficult now than it was in early twenties for example 😄 It will happen eventually, when it has to..Thanks for your kind words and advice!

Fickin hell @Srx1 has got a hard time on this thread!

FWIW I don’t think you’re being one bit unreasonable. Some people have got so slack about friendships and treat them like the leftover crumbs to be swept away at the end of the day. It’s rude AF to leave someone waiting 3 days to a text that requires a response. I’d actually see it the other way to lots of PPs - the people taking so long to reply are the ones, in my opinion, who see themselves as so important and Their daily To Do list as so important that it’s cool to leave a friend (who they’re lucky to have) repeatedly waiting on responses for 3 days. I’d be thinking Fick that @Srx1

i don’t always reply on the day but if I end up taking longer than a day I usually apologise for my lateness and so do my friends. It’s basic good manners.

Don’t doubt yourself OP . You seem like a solid, nice person And I hope you can focus the most on those who are too x

And when I said maybe I’m old school when it comes to friendships I meant in a way that we’d always be there for one another, prioritising people over any other distractions(that we now have).

I don't think people ever prioritised friendships the way you think, OP. It's a Hollywood trope that friendships are for life/the new family etc. In fact I think in previous generations, people were less likely to maintain very close friendships once they had families, or made friends with people they lived near or school mums etc rather than stay in touch with old friends (unless they never moved away). Of course some people are fortunate and have such strong friendships but most don't. Loneliness has always been a plague. At least now single women have the option to focus on work, do hobbies, travel and befriend other single women - compared to a time when marriage was the only option, and if you weren't married you were considered a weird old spinster and social pariah. Social media just makes it seem like hashtags bffs/girl gang etc means everyone has friends except you. Everyone has social media friends, not the same ....

That's why it's a good idea to meet new people (through shared interests, hobbies maybe) and make new friends if you find your old friends are distracted. Not always easy but it will help the loneliness. Friends who match your stage of life and priorities are more likely to have the time for you.

However I am not talking here about me texting my friends constantly with unnecessary stuff and demanding a reply straight away no matter what because I’m so important .

I can’t speak for others, but I’m not talking about constant texts either. It can take days for me to reply to a text sent from a friend/family member after weeks/months. It’s not about the frequency, it’s about the text itself.

Also, you never know why is the person contacting you actually. Maybe they feel lonely and wanted to connect. Maybe they miss you. Maybe they are not feeling great but they don’t want to directly say it.

Equally you never why the person who texted you is not replying. Maybe they are not feeling great or are feeling overwhelmed but don’t want to say.

This is what drives me round the bend about social media. People expect a response straight away, and can see when you're online. Prioritising doesn't mean you respond in a nano second, it means being there when needed, that's a big difference

It's also creeping into the work place, emails are being replaced with instant messages and a response is expected immediately because you're 'online'

Yabu op, so what if they are online, that's none of your business, they will reply when it's convenient to them.

But this is what I don't understand- how do people prioritise looking at stories or scrolling on instagram over replying to someone because scrolling takes less energy, it's an escape to real life, often it's done without deciding to do it. Whereas writing a message takes energy and a conscious decision to do it.

I find this very annoying as well for exactly the reasons you have described. I find it quite rude to be honest. But it seems it's the ways of the world these days

This is what annoys me also. On WhatsApp, why does the person read the message if they know they are too busy to reply

Because reading a message takes a few seconds. Writing a message, especially one that requires a bit of thought takes longer. I'm quite involved in the running of my local sports club and sometimes if I have been in a meeting with work all morning I open WhatsApp to find two dozen messages, some more urgent then others, sorry if you are not urgent it might take a while to respond, if I respond at all.

I sometimes forget texts. If I don't reply straight away, i forget

You need to grow a thicker skin OP or life os too hard otherwise

And when I said maybe I’m old school when it comes to friendships I meant in a way that we’d always be there for one another, prioritising people over any other distractions(that we now have).
This does come across as “I’m better than my friends” because you’re implying that they don’t prioritise you.

It’s got to be said OP, if all your friends act like this perhaps you’re the problem. You’re the common denominator here. I tend to delay replies to friends who drain my energy and are too focused on themselves or being angry at the world. Perhaps look at your attitude.

Unless there’s an urgent reason e.g. making social arrangements for that day, I don’t really
feel the need to reply to messages quickly. We’re all different of course but there’s nothing sinister or uncaring in it. I often put aside a bit of time to catch up and reply to several messages at once, but it may be within a few days, not on the same day. Mentally, writing messages to friends is different from (say) mindless scrolling on insta and liking a few pics. It’s not really
a question of having the time, it’s to do with being in a particular headspace. I would maybe try to be patient/accepting and not overthink this.

Just a thought. Those who co.plain about having to reply on whatsapp why do you have it if it annoys you?

I always answer messages . I wouldn't have it otherwise.
S

I don't think anyone ignores messages completely. It's just not instant, which is what OP wants. She did say they reply a day later, which is reasonable. Before WhatsApp, text message etc it wasn't a big deal to wait a day to reply. People used to screen calls with answering machine back in the day so being selective about who you talk to and when has always existed.

At work, when you get a lot of emails I'm sure you would prioritise who you reply to quickly and which ones can wait.