To be a bit heartbroken for DD

[rainbowsunshineclouds]

DD is 3 and has a really good friend (let's call her Ruby) that we've met up with regularly since she was 6 weeks old. They've known each other ages and play together really nicely.

They've both gone to different preschools for a couple of mornings per week, and Ruby's mum was telling me that she asked Ruby who her best friend was and Ruby answered that it was a little girl from her preschool (let's call her Rosie) rather than my DD.

I realise it's all a bit petty, and they're only 3, and you would expect them all to make new friends at school. But my DD doesn't have one special friend from school, just various other children that she plays with.

We are going to playgroup this week and both Ruby and Rosie will be there. It'll be the first time my DD, Ruby and Rosie have been all together and I'm just worried that it'll be a first experience of rejection for my DD. :(

You're overthinking it. They have no understanding of the concept 'best' in best friend - it is a term that is thrown about (mainly influenced by us adults) and they have absorbed. If asked, their best friend will be the person they see most often as they are clearest in their mind at that point.

3 year olds don't exclude by nature either - it is very likely they will all play together and be absolutely fine.

At this point in time, the best thing you can do is enjoy your child and work on them being confident and resilient. When DD was 4, she would see a group of children playing and ask to play with them. She couldn't care less if they all knew each other from school or were best friends, she wanted to join in, would ask and play. I'll be completely honest, I don't deserve credit for it and don't have a fraction of that confidence myself but that is exactly what you want to encourage in them rather than needlessly fearing they will be rejected

Oh good grief OP!

I thought you were posting that your D had been jilted at the altar.

Wait until she gets to secondary school, has boyfriends, is dumped, maybe has a divorce (hope not of course.)

We feel our kid's pain until the day we die.

I was still comforting my DD when she was in her late 20s having come out of a couple of long term relationships.

Please try to get some perspective.

You're massively over-thinking it OP.

At that age, 3 year olds best friends change with the hour.

I remember asking my DS at that age, who his best friend was, just out of curiosity. He said it was MY best friend, a woman in her mid-30s! When I asked why, he replied, "she's blue car." I was like, dude, really?! To be fair though, he WAS weirdly obsessed with her car, plus she had the same name as a character from one of his favourite films at the time.
Kids are weird.

I think you are a bit U especially in the case of a three-year-old. Such young children don't really have the concept of 'best friends'. Ruby was giving a somewhat random answer to an odd adult question. She might have just as easily said 'Mummy' or 'the dog' or 'the door'.

In any case, a friendship at any age can be important, loyal and lasting without necessarily being a 'best friendship'. A friendship isn't a marriage.

I do think that you are allowing painful experiences of rejections as a schoolchild to make you exaggerate all friendship-related issues with your child.

My one concern is that Ruby's mother was a bit odd and rude to bring up the issue at all.

This week DS has said I am his best friend, the cat is his best friend, our 86 year old neighbour is his best friend. I'd take it all with a pinch of salt.
Don't project your issues around rejection onto 3 year olds

Ruby's mum is not your best friend!

Encourage your daughter to have many best friends and many friendship groups. Being 'in' or being 'out' with a particular friend will hurt much less if she has alternatives.

I hope you have other friends too😁