To be a bit heartbroken for DD

[rainbowsunshineclouds]

DD is 3 and has a really good friend (let's call her Ruby) that we've met up with regularly since she was 6 weeks old. They've known each other ages and play together really nicely.

They've both gone to different preschools for a couple of mornings per week, and Ruby's mum was telling me that she asked Ruby who her best friend was and Ruby answered that it was a little girl from her preschool (let's call her Rosie) rather than my DD.

I realise it's all a bit petty, and they're only 3, and you would expect them all to make new friends at school. But my DD doesn't have one special friend from school, just various other children that she plays with.

We are going to playgroup this week and both Ruby and Rosie will be there. It'll be the first time my DD, Ruby and Rosie have been all together and I'm just worried that it'll be a first experience of rejection for my DD. :(

Oh no, you need to stop this @rainbowsunshineclouds ! The whole 'best friends' obsession that some parents force onto their (usually female) children is really unhealthy and it is you who is potentially creating the problem for your DD.

My kids had 'friends' and I encouraged themt o have lots of them. I said we didn't do best friends because we wanted to have room for lots of friends.

Also your DD is 3, if they are even aware of any of this it is because you are making them aware. Your DD has not been rejected at all. Children should be encouraged to play with lots of people especially when young.

Oh, good grief. How are you going to deal with the next 20 years?

A bit ridiculous op. They are 3. 3! Stop being so childish yourself.

I don't think they develop 'best friends' until school, it's normally the person most on their mind, or a pet snail they picked up on the way home 😂

^ This!

Why on earth did the mum tell you her DD had specified another child as her best friend? That's rather tactless IMO.

Encourage your DD to have lots of friends rather than a best friend. It really will be more beneficial in the long run. Children get very possessive and jealous over best friends.

@rainbowsunshineclouds
Be wary of Ruby’s mum. She’s a bit thick encouraging ‘best friends’, asking the question and then passing it on to you. I’m
sure they’ll play together fine, but I anticipate a lot of mum encouraged drama in the years to come.

Don't be daft!

Are you the same poster that made a thread recently about being heartbroken and devastated that your neighbours kids didn’t fancy your 3 year old going to play in their house one day? If so I do think you’ll benefit from some talking through with someone about why you react to things this way.

My DS is 6, and my DD is 2.5 and I cannot comprehend this sort of thinking or preoccupation.

Honestly don’t give it another thought OP, as PP have said, you will have years and years to come of this, don’t ever get involved with their friendships not worth the hassle.

My 3 year old niece comes here (as a childminder) and also goes to nursery. She literally comes in and has a new best friend every time usually someone that's here. Sometimes there's 3 depending on who she wants to play with. Sometimes it's me haha often it's mummy. Don't sweat it

She's 3. Here's a grip.

Ruby's mum sounds nasty

I agree with this. Rejection is actually quite a healthy thing for children of this age to experience and we shouldn't try to protect them from it. It's good to teach a child that, if someone says they can't play with them, it's much better to go find someone else to play with or play alone for a bit then to be upset. It robs the rejection of its power. I know you want to protect your child from all upset, that's human nature, but actually it's good for her to be exposed to, and learn how to read and navigate, shifting friendship dynamics at a young age. Much better for her to learn these things now when mummy is there to play with and to make things better than later on at school when children can be much meaner and more targeted and parents don't have the power to step in and sort any problems out.

At three they’ll all play together perfectly fine, but always encourage lots of friendships. ‘Best friends’ will change from day to day, they can move schools, fall out as they get older etc.

You are at the beginning of your parenting journey op

your dd will take her lead from you

And if this kind of thing makes you heartbroken - she swill grow up with no sense of real perspective and will be impacted very badly but actually very slight issues and then be knocked down when the shit really hits the fan

OP, be honest here. Are you still “best friends” with a kid you knew at three? Can you even remember any kids you knew at three?

My eleven year old still sees two girls regularly from nursery but that’s because I stayed friends with the mums. The girls have a long history together but it’s debatable whether they are “best friends” - they dont even go to the same school. They still have a great time when they meet up.

The only reason my eldest even knows anyone from pre school at all is because they ended up in the same class at high school, having not even seen each other for ten years.

it’s no biggy.

Not the same username and the child was a 3 yo boy.

My DS (4)'s "best friend" changes about 10 times per day.

Ranging from Grandma through to people who stopped me in town to ask for directions, veering into Paddington Bear and, for a few minutes, a leaf they had found on the floor. "This leaf is my best friend"

Wouldn't get hung up on it OP!

I felt like you when my kids were that age. I overthink and got too involved with their little friendships. But prepare yourself as you have years of this to come. I take a step back now. Mines are 12 and 10. My 12 year old has lots of friendship problems and I definitely feel for him. I did too at that age. It’s part of growing up I suppose

They do r really have friends at that age. Just people they play beside. They don't know what a best friend is and are only responding to adult questions on this.

If you daughter never saw this girl again she wouldn't be bothered. It's just not that kind of attachment.

Rubys best friend will be the kid she played with that day. Wait until your DD says she has no friends and then take it up with teacher who will inform you that your DC plays with loads of kids. Kids relationships, girls particularly, are like a rollercoaster ride, up and down all the time.

You are projecting adult concepts of friendship onto preschoolers. They live in the moment and cam be more flexible. Model the positivities of having different combinations of friends and situations.

Oh dear, this is just the start for you I am afraid, and you are the one that needs to be able to deal with this. As a mother of kids in their 30's this will not be the first time and there will be more to come, especially girls they are ruthless. Teach her to be friends with everyone, dont focus on the best friend label. Kids are friends on day and fall out the next, cliche but so true.