Giving address to longstanding internet friend... WWYD?

[julesblues]

Please no judgement or unhelpful answers :)
I've been chatting with a friend (male) online for 3 years. We 'met' through a forum for a shared interest. He was living abroad at the time, I was here in UK.
He's originally from UK but was abroad for a few years for work, but it moving back to UK in the next couple of months.
All checks out on social media and Linkedin.
Have also check the organisation's website and found him on it, complete with a photo. He's the same person in the photos he's sent me, so I have no concerns there.
We've also had a couple of video chats to see each other "in person".
Despite the regular contact (every day!) for 3 years, it's always been online. No postal stuff.
Yesterday he asked whether I'd be willing to give him my postal address as wants to send me a postcard from the country he's living in before he leaves there.
He's never made me doubt him or done anything to make me mistrust him but I'm just cautious of giving my address because I live alone.

This.
It is an older persons thing really.
Could be “ Surprise, I’m here and I’ve nowhere to stay tonight” or your details passed on so someone else uses them for immigration or identity theft.
I really don’t see why someone would send you a 50p postcard when they’ve had 3 years to show you the country they’re in viaFaceTime, Skype, emailed photos.

Which part of the world is he in? Continent will do.

He's moving back to the UK and now wants your address? Postcard is just an excuse to ask for it. I wouldn't give it to him incase he turns up on your doorstep

Definite no.

If you haven't exchanged addresses for Christmas cards, birthday cards and still chat daily online, I'd be very wary of why he actually wants it now.
It's a lame excuse and questionable timing, when he's just leaving
Don't risk a stranger turning up on your doorstep.( even though you've " known" him for 3 years, in reality he could be anyone.
Just tell him no need for a postcard

Creepy. Maybe he wants your address so that when his accommodation "falls through" he's got somewhere lined up to stay.

I must be far too trusting because I have given my address to a similar friend to exchange something as inconsequential as a card. It turned out okay but I suppose that’s not always the case.

Absolutely no way. You will regret if you do.

Knowing someone online vs in the real world is so different. If you want to get to know him in the real world, do this gradually when he comes over, meet in a public place and see how things go. There is just no need to give your address.

I would either just ignore the request, and chat about other things as normal, or say ‘Aw thanks but you don’t need to do that! How is x,y, z going…?. change subject.’ I think his response will tell you a lot- if he’s normal he’ll understand your reluctance and drop it. If he brings it up again- (for the sake of a postcard!!) I think you know something is odd there!

Thanks for all these replies and points raised, all perfectly valid. Sorry didn't get chance to reply earlier, kept meaning to!

Just to clarify, he doesn't even now my surname, he just knows I'm called Julia. The email account I've used to chat with him all this time isn't set up with my surname included. So all my mails to him show as being from Julia + my middle name (with is something very common).

He doesn't know even the name of my village, just knows the name of the nearest big town.

He's never said anything pushy or tried to press me for personal details in the past, so I'm inclined to feel he's NOT a scammer.

His Facebook and other SM (especially Linked in) all check out fine. Shows a lot of interaction with people like his siblings (in UK) who he regularly mentioned to me by name.
I've clicked onto their profiles on FB and see lots of pics with him included at family gatherings etc. Also picks of them visiting him in the country where he's been based.
Siblings all look exactly like him and each other - so I think it's safe to say they're actually his actual siblings.

He's mentioned that he owns a property in the UK (and that's where he's planning to live). He bought it years ago and rented it out up till few months ago (brother took care of all that on his behalf). Has been talking about some garden projects he's planning to do there, as well as the nearest local amenities etc (I gather from him it's in a rural area). I know it's in Lincolnshire.

It's nowhere near where I live, I'm in a completely different part of the country. Would probably take about 7 or 8 hours drive (that's a guess as I've never driven to Lincolnshire in my life!).

So, someone who doesn't even know your surname now wants your address - to send a postcard, before he moves back. It's just odd.

I don't really know why you're so suspicious? You sound quite close to him and he checks out? But that said I'm not sure why he wants/needs to send you a postcard? Could he possibly want to send you flowers or something?

I think some people are getting distracted by the idea that he might be a scammer or that he isn't who he says he is. I think in your case that's probably not the issue - from what you've said, he probably is who he says he is and his profiles probably aren't fake. The issue is that after three years of chatting online with no wish to send you anything by post in all that time, he suddenly now wants to send you a postcard just before he moves back to the UK. To me, that's quite odd, and just because someone is who they claim they are, that doesn't mean it's a great idea to give them your address for what seems on the face of it to be quite an odd or unnecessary reason.

It's quite possible that he actually wants to send you some flowers or something, and has only good intentions, but personally I wouldn't give him your address. If you think you'd like to meet him in person as potentially more than just a friend, by all means do that, but do it in a public place rather than inviting him to your house - if you live miles apart then make sure he comes to your home town rather than the other way around and make sure he books himself a hotel for him to stay at the end of the day.

I’ve met people offline
I felt certain about it I never had to seek advice

you don’t feel certain about it and that’s all you need to know

This ^^

I asked for address of my internet male friend with a flimsy excuse as it was his birthday which I needed to send him a small present which was an in-joke between us (he's not in another country) . He was really surprised and chuffed when he got a small parcel on his birthday

He can't find her address on the electoral roll if he doesn't know her actual surname.

Have you ever seen this person other than pictures? I know you haven’t met but have you video called or similar?

Someone once used my name and pictures to catfish someone from America, they started talking to the person when I was only 14 and I didn’t find out until I was 22. They had ghosted this person after 8 years of almost daily talking which is the only reason I found out as they’d messaged me on fb thinking I was who they’d been speaking to. To that person everything about the catfish checked out because when they looked into it they were looking into me, a very real person! I don’t know why they did it and afaik they may still be doing it, all my social media is private though so they definitely can’t access any of my pictures or information anymore unless it’s someone I know but then that raises a load of other issues.

If your gut is telling you not to give them your address then listen. Their intentions may be completely innocent but it’s better to be safe.

As a few others have said, I've met people from meet up groups etc offline, it's all been fine. Admittedly women mostly but men too and from dating sites.

As others have said, why are you so worried, especially given your updates?

Is he more of a romantic friend either on his or your side?

It does sound 'odd'.

You could give him your address but just ensure that other people you know (relatives, friends etc) know this is being given to him, for safety reasons.

Video calling isn't always a guarantee of a genuine person. Scammers can video call and pretend to be another person.

Not quite on the same level as OP but a schoolfriend of mine was in touch with a German soldier (based in Germany) who video called her. Seemed to be ok, they're not now in touch though.

Ooh I'm in Lincs, I want to know more now 😂

I've given my address to people I've "met" online and exchanged birthday/christmas cards and gifts but it wasn't out of the blue after 3 years, so I'd be suspicious that he wants your address after previously showing no interest in sending anything.

Your gut feeling is telling you 'no'. Various posters have suggested reasons why this request is distinctly odd.

Giving your address makes you vulnerable. Don't do it.