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Original poster

Giving address to longstanding internet friend... WWYD?

95 replies

julesblues · 01/08/2022 14:27

Please no judgement or unhelpful answers :)
I've been chatting with a friend (male) online for 3 years. We 'met' through a forum for a shared interest. He was living abroad at the time, I was here in UK.
He's originally from UK but was abroad for a few years for work, but it moving back to UK in the next couple of months.
All checks out on social media and Linkedin.
Have also check the organisation's website and found him on it, complete with a photo. He's the same person in the photos he's sent me, so I have no concerns there.
We've also had a couple of video chats to see each other "in person".
Despite the regular contact (every day!) for 3 years, it's always been online. No postal stuff.
Yesterday he asked whether I'd be willing to give him my postal address as wants to send me a postcard from the country he's living in before he leaves there.
He's never made me doubt him or done anything to make me mistrust him but I'm just cautious of giving my address because I live alone.

OP posts:
WudYouSayItInRealLife · 01/08/2022 18:06

It's an odd request.
When you video chat can you see where he lives and what he looks like?
Where is he living?

MuddlerInLaw · 01/08/2022 18:28

The oddness is in the fact that he only wants your address now - when he’s returning to the country. He could have asked for it at any time over the past 3 years - when he was apparently securely ensconced in a different country.

DorothyZbornakIsAQueen · 01/08/2022 18:32

yonce · 01/08/2022 15:04

Could you rent a PO Box?

Just so some random man can send her a postcard 😆. Seems like overkill.

midairchallenger · 01/08/2022 18:44

The risk with people you meet online is not whether their identity is the one they stated, but whether their intentions are as stated. That's why people end up raped, murdered, abused.

Someone can be exactly who they said and still do you great harm.

Nevermind all the false intimacy of online connections. It's easy to create trust that isn't deserved.

So, no. Bad idea.

midairchallenger · 01/08/2022 18:48

WudYouSayItInRealLife · 01/08/2022 18:06

It's an odd request.
When you video chat can you see where he lives and what he looks like?
Where is he living?

What does that achieve? What does a rapist look like? Where do they live?

purplecorkheart · 01/08/2022 18:51

Trust your gut feeling and do not give him your address. You know that there is something not right about it. Trust your instincts.

AchatAVendre · 01/08/2022 20:05

Probably just a relatively harmless hobosexual looking for somewhere to stay without paying but he has no need to have your address.

WhileMyGuitarGentlyWeeps · 01/08/2022 20:16

@julesblues

He wants to send you a postcard? What century is this? I don't think anyone has sent postcards since the 1990s! I'm gonna say no @julesblues For the reasons listed... as a few posters have said...... it's a ploy to get your address.

I have many internet pals, on facebook, twitter, instagram etc, and some I have had for 5-7 years or more. (Several of them for 10 years.) They're nearly all female (about 10% male,) and are all nice/fine/decent people (as far as I can see.) But I would not give a single one of them my address. They just simply don't need it. There is no situation where any of them would need my home address.

MarsupiIami · 01/08/2022 20:22

I used to be fine with giving my address to (admittedly female) online friends and then one made a comment about Google maps that left me feeling a bit worried. This was some time ago and I’ve just fobbed everyone off since then. I used to swap gifts with loads of people too.

So no, I wouldn’t do it. The fact you’re asking shows you’re uncomfortable. Not worth it.

saraclara · 01/08/2022 20:33

I've given my address to quite a few people who I've been communicating with on a shared interest board for years. I've even met quite a few of them, and actually stayed with a two or three!

I sent two postcard from my last trip to people who said they'd like one. They both live continents away, so clearly they don't expect me to turn up to hand deliver them!

But this is a board of people who've known each other for a long time, so can vouch for each other (occasional meet ups happen in various cities around the world) I have no qualms about sharing with anyone I've checked out one way or another.

Ragwort · 01/08/2022 20:45

It does sound a very odd request after three years ... I do send postcards (I am over 60 - used to collect them!) but it is such an old fashioned thing to do and I can't imagine any one asking for an address purely to send a postcard. Why he is only now thinking of sending you a postcard (conveniently just before he returns to the UK Hmm?)

lanthanum · 01/08/2022 21:15

I wouldn't. The reason is so lame that it's easy to turn down the request, and it's not worth the risk. If he wants to meet up, then go for a public place, etc, preferably not too close home, so if he turns out not to be what you expected, you can walk away from things.

Does he need an address for a visa application, I wonder? Or to forward something to?

Having said that, DH once invited someone to stay who he'd only met online. However in that case they'd met through a forum related to his professional interests, the guy was coming over to a couple of conferences, and DH offered him a place to stay between them.

Nottidaysunny · 01/08/2022 21:21

SalviaOfficinalis · 01/08/2022 15:04

No, I wouldn’t. He can send you a photo of a postcard… you’re internet friends not pen pals!

Sounds like pen pals to me. 3 years
.. Christ

WudYouSayItInRealLife · 01/08/2022 21:48

@midairchallenger

" WudYouSayItInRealLife^
"It's an odd request."
"When you video chat can you see where he lives and what he looks like?l
"Where is he living?"^
^
What does that achieve? What does a rapist look like? Where do they live^

Don't be silly. If she can see him clearly on video chat she has a better chance of cross checking his identity online. I think it is of some interest where he lives. Anyone, anywhere can be a scammer but there are some locations that have far more than their fair share of scammers.

TokyoTen · 01/08/2022 22:10

No I wouldn't give my address. Sounds a very contrived reason.

Hotenoughtoburnasausage · 01/08/2022 22:12

Mil was scammed out of 80k. Took years. Beware imo op.

Hotenoughtoburnasausage · 01/08/2022 22:12

Suggest a PO box and see his reaction.

Gaveitall · 01/08/2022 22:18

Do. Not. Give. Your. Address!
Just don’t.

BalloonsAndWhistles · 01/08/2022 22:20

You don’t sound sure so don’t. No problem with having internet friends but tell him you’d like to keep it like that.

RiojaRose · 01/08/2022 22:24

I would not give my home address to someone I only knew online.

user1471447863 · 01/08/2022 22:41

3 years in and he doesn't seem to have suddenly needed £10k for emergency hospital bills or to pay for a flight to come and visit her. He's either a very shit scammer, a very good one playing a really long game, or just a guy who wants to send her a nice departing postcard from the country he's been living in before he leaves it.
A typical scammer would have had multiple heart attacks, car crashes, been chased by the local mafia who he needs to pay off and missed half a dozen paid for flights by now.
How many people sign up to pen pal services and hand out their address to randoms? (a hell of a lot less than used to probably but still quite a few)

If in doubt though, there are mail forwarding services and PO boxes available quite cheap online.
eg: www.ukpostbox.com/pricing
no monthly cost and £0.90 + stamp per item forwarded - so worth it for a punt. Never used so can't personally recommend.

EmeraldShamrock1 · 01/08/2022 22:46

If you are cautious about giving the address then don't.

You've built up a long relationship with this person, women who live alone bring men they've recently met home without any hesitation of the person knowing the address.

Your gut reaction is telling you that it isn't a good idea - I'd listen to that.

larkstar · 01/08/2022 22:55

I have half a dozen long standing internet friends and by that I mean they go back 10-17 years - I met one when she happened to come to England with her friend and husband about 6 years ago - it's only then I shared my address. Just be upfront - if this is a friendship you value and want to continue - say you are careful with what you disclose on line - I'm sure if he has any self awareness - he'll understand - it's not absolutely necessary is it - before she flew in - my friend wanted to know roughly where I lived as she had a choice of destination airports she could have flown to - she wanted to know which I was closest to. I've never asked any of my other friends in the US, Canada, Australia, Finland, Sweden, Norway or Germany for their addresses - there's no real reason to and I know it would be an invasive thing to ask - I'd not want to make them feel awkward. If I was travelling through their country I'd let then know when and where and take it from there.

MissVantaBlack · 01/08/2022 23:12

I don't think the OP is coming back...

2bazookas · 01/08/2022 23:26

Sending you a PC is a rather thin excuse to ask for your address. He may be planning to use your ID +address (without your knowledge) as some kind of sponsor or guarantor. Or, use your address to post items he wouldn't risk carrying on his person. Drugs, etc.

I wouldn't give it .