Spider fear is ruining my life

[elm26]

Honestly, this time of year is horrific for me.

I've just gone to get into bed and there was one of those big house spiders on my duvet.

It's been removed but I can't stop thinking about it, I'm so paranoid there is another one and I can't even bare the thought of touching my bedding where it's been.

I sound so stupid, I realise this, it's completely irrational. For as long as I can remember, they have petrified me.

Has anyone had hypnotherapy or has any tips or tricks to help?

Or things that work that keep them from coming in the windows.

I'll be awake all night now.

@feelthefear83

You don't even have a slideshow of pictures, it's strictly talking for most of it. The London one starts off in a little lecture room opposite the zoo itself, the therapist talks about what phobias are in general, how they start etc. Then lots of chat (with audience participation) about why spiders are scary. You all get to shout out your own thoughts etc, you bond as a group about how silly it all sounds etc

Then spider-dude from the zoo raves about how wonderful they actually are, their importance in the ecosystem etc, while you all grimace and nod and quietly agree with your neighbours that you don't give a shit, they're still terrifying...

Then a bit of a group hypno/relaxation session in another room (sat on the floor - yes they check the room for spiders before the session) before they walk you over to the bug house. Everyone I spoke to on the way all agreed we didn't feel any different and were very apprehensive still, but by the end all but 1 of my group 'passed' the course by capturing a large house spider in a plastic cup. There's no videos/photos/drawings of any sort until the bug house bit.

I went on the Friendly Spider programme and asked for donations towards it instead of presents, if that is a birthday/Christmas/other celebration option?

I will still happily summon DH to remove spiders, but I am not the hysterical mess I used to be and I can do it if there is nobody around.

I sobbed my way through the second half (where you actually go near the spiders) but a few staff members took it in turns to sit with me and were so gentle and patient and kind and by the end of it I held a tarantula and a house spider. House spiders scared me the most, so it was a huge thing for me. Someone took some photos for me and my face is bright red and puffy from all the crying in the build up to it 😂.

I detest spiders and live in a very rural area. Luckily my two cats kill them all so I never see one in the house unless its half eaten or has been flattened by a paw.

I really feel for you OP, I have been there - have posted on here before about it. Hypnotherapy with an understanding, non-judgmental practitoner helped, as did treatment for anxiety in general. Also moving house to a newish build. I wish you luck in dealing with it - things can get better, it used to rule and ruin my life every year in late summer / the autumn previously.

You are lucky @Shehasadiamondinthesky! We got a cat, she pokes the buggers out from behind sofas / under furniture and then runs away scared

I did the course at London Zoo too, it changed my life quite literally!

I can't get over my fear of wasps though I have to stay inside or run a mile!

Oh gosh, see even this experience of you sobbing makes me feel like this course won't work for me. I literally have the worst phobia out of ANYONE I've ever met. I'm even scared if I read the word spider in a book!! Honestly it's extreme. I sorbs my life looking at the floor and checking before I sit down. I'm terrified of attempting this course and having it fail to help me, and then I end up feeling even worse.

I think I have at least one cellar spider in every room - I am terrified of the big, fast moving ones but have heard that cellar spiders (which tend to just hang there and mind their own business) eat the big ones. So I leave them be.

And I also keep a spider catcher handy - makes my skin crawl having to deal with them but as we come into spider season I am really hoping that my band of cellar spiders are going to keep my house free of the big buggers.

I hate wasps with a passion! I don’t care where I am, who I’m with or what time of day it is, if one comes near me, I’ll almost always scream! They terrify me!

I bought an incy wincy spider book on purpose, for the grandkids. Hopefully they then wont be afraid?
I noticed that my daughter in law read it with no problem, even though she doesnt like them.

Start of in small ways?

@feelthefear83 honestly, if you can afford it I would still try it.

I was a total wreck, but there was absolutely no pressure. I can talk you through some of the steps they did in the bug house if you want? If you do the first half and that’s enough for you, that’s fine. Nobody will make you do anything you aren’t comfortable with.

I’m the same with wasps, that’s why I hate September.

I live alone and have the same crippling phobia. I was in the shower yesterday and one dropped in front of my face as I pulled the curtain across. I fell out of the bath and have really hurt myself.

I check under pillows and sheets before getting into bed. Shake towels before using them. But like a PP, I have learnt to ignore cellar spiders because they eat the giant house spiders which I am most afraid of.

I have kitchen renovations going on atm and have spiders absolutely everywhere I look. It's making me quite hysterical!

Sorry I don't have a magic answer.

I'd highly recommend going to one of the spider therapy types of thing. It is really worth getting over the fear. I didn't go to one of these myself, but I did make a point of enforcing exposure to spiders, watching videos on youtube about spiders and tarantulas, etc. That was definitely a slower process, but I did persevere and I went from being terrified of all spiders - I couldn't be in the same room as one - to being absolutely fascinated by them. I bought my first pet tarantula around 2-3 years ago and the rest is history! I'm currently sitting in a room with 19 tarantulas and 1 jumping spider (in enclosures). We have another 11 tarantulas who live (in enclosures) in our bedroom so I can safely say I have completely changed! And it is so good not to be scared of finding spiders all the time.

Plug in spider deterrents. I was sceptical until my husband bought me 2 of them due to my panic attacks over spiders. To my amazement they actually work. I have 1 on each floor of the house and I rarely get a spider inside anymore. I also use the spray around the doors and windows in the autumn when they tend to come in more

OP no advice but I feel for you, I’m exactly the same and it’s an awful fear to live with. I’ve been the same my whole life and I’m now in my 30s and I still have to get my husband (or family member/friend if he isn’t in) to deal with them. I scream, cry, shake and generally go into a total state of panic whenever I see one. It’s ridiculous and embarrassing but I can’t help it. I have kids now and don’t want them growing up the same so I really need to deal with it.

@QueenOfWeeds would you mind explaining what they did in the bug house? I’m really interested in trying out that course but live further away so would need to pay for travel and accommodation as well and just worried I pay for it all and can’t even get through the course 🙈

It's so bizarre because I could sit with a wasp physically on me knowing there's a good chance I'm going to get stung and it's going to hurt but they don't bother me at all.

Yeah, I'm the same. I'm not even remotely scared of any other creature, at all, even things that bite and sting (despite the fact that I have a really bad localised allergic reaction to bites and stings). I actively like handling most bugs, insects etc. I really love lots of creatures that lots of people are scared of - rats, bats, snakes etc are all among my favourites. In fact, I'm not even scared of all spiders - only certain types. But I once spent about a week essentially living in my bedroom because a house spider ran across my sofa and then disappeared. I knew it must be SOMEWHERE in the living room and I couldn't be in that room knowing it might appear again.

I did try self-guided CBT using an app that slowly builds up exposure and I couldn't manage it, so I think one day I am going to have to fork out the cash and try the London Zoo programme or something similar. The trouble is that every time I try to Google the subject of spider phobia treatments, pictures of spiders come up in the results and I close down the page in horror.

I have the spider section in my wildlife field paperclipped together so I don't see the house spider picture by accident.

I really hate killing things and I know that spiders are fantastic creatures, so it really, really bothers me that I have this fear - it's so colossally out of character for me.

@Sweetchildofmine19 sure! I did it a few years ago so it may have changed, but I doubt it will be vastly different.

They had staff members/volunteers with Tupperware boxes, each one with a spider in. You can hold the box, or, in my case, hold on one end of it. They tipped the box away from me so that the spider was at “their” end, then slowly tipped it so that it scuttled towards me (but still safely contained in the box). We repeated with different boxes and different spiders until I was happy just holding the box with the spider sitting directly above my hands (but again, still contained).

They let me choose what to do next - you can hold a tarantula (absolutely fine because it just sat there - might as well have been a toy!), try to catch a house spider under a cup (to get your certificate) or holding a house spider (in a fish tank sort of container). Having one touch me was my biggest fear, so we did the house spider holding next. One of the volunteers came with me for moral support (but by this point most people had already had a go, so the staff were milling around with less to do). I put my hand in the furthest corner and they sort of flicked the spider so that it ran over my hand, then we repeated it a few times. I didn’t want to hold it, so left it there, but some people did.

I then felt brave enough to try and catch one, and hold the tarantula.

I felt so supported the whole way round. Even though the staff are obviously all bug lovers, they seemed to really understand how a phobia can impact someone and were really patient.

@QueenOfWeeds thank you so much for the info!! That really helps. Sounds absolutely terrifying to me but at the same time need to try something and it seems to work for lots of people. I just picture myself being the only one still screaming and crying hysterically and have to leave while everyone else is conquering their fears!

@Sweetchildofmine19 you’re welcome. I just kept telling myself that I could leave at any time, and it really helped. Nobody is expecting you to reset your boundaries except you, if that makes sense?

@SweetPetrichor oh my gosh. My mouth was wide open reading that.
That is an amazing transformation 👏🏽👏🏽

@QueenOfWeeds @Lellochip - I really want to do this now but I emailed and there are no slots left at the London venue this year. He said to keep checking for cancellations.

Meanwhile I will keep on with the night time phobia hypnosis videos and hopefully they can help me until then

So many people posting on here could be me - in that even reading this thread is making me twitchy. So had also been thinking I need to bite the bullet and do the course at London zoo, but it's fully booked. Dammit, as late summer / autumn is approaching and we moved to the countryside last winter from a flat in London, so the incidents of them being in the house is massively up and I'm scared.

I'll keep trying London zoo, but to the people who have done it - and then describing themselves touching them / holding a T (can't bring myself to write it) - oh my goodness, I simply cannot imagine myself even going into the room with them let alone holding them even in a box - how on earth did you bring yourselves to do this, did the course really make you not afraid?

@Lemonyfuckit can’t speak for the others here, but genuinely, yes.

Shortly after I did the course there was a huge bugger on the wall. I was home alone and managed to go and get a suitably big pot, trap it on the wall, move it off the wall and put it down, open a window, and then pick up the pot again to throw it out of the window. Never been more proud of myself, to be honest.

@QueenOfWeeds I mean wow.....we'll huge kudos to you. My DH has been encouraging me to do the course so I guess I'll have to bite the bullet if a slot becomes available as the idea of being not afraid is inconceivable but would revolutionise things.