"Mum" on TV is sexist drivel

[MerchedBeca]

What a waste of a stellar cast!

I binge watched it. Well, kinda. It first I was intrigued by the slow pace and focus on the in between bits of life and I love Lesley Manville. I kept waiting for her "fuck the lot of you" moment, but it never came.

So, I stopped watching after 3 episodes and looked for reviews to see if it gets better. The ones I found were gushing, saying it was brilliant so thought I'd give it another chance and skipped to the last in the series - surely Cathy AKA Mum would show some level of personhood, stop being so bloody accommodating of the fucking monstrous people around her and tell at least one of them to fuck off?

But no. There she still is at the end, still, keeping her mouth shut, hiding her personhood, taking being non-judgemental to a fucking saintly level. And her reward? A hand hold, a hint of romance. That's it.

No surprise, it's written by a man. I went back to the reviews. Also written by men. I bet these are the kind of men who are surprised that mumsnet isn't only about nappies and pushchairs, that we actually <shock horror> are complex people who have opinions and interests beyond being the fucking support humans.

What a disappointment :(

I searched for a review by a woman, found one, she got it. Thank fuck for that.

Lesley Manville is fabulous but her role was terrible. I had to stop watching as it was so predictable and awful. It just put her in a one dimensional character tolerating her lot in life. Such a shame.

Yes, Lesley Manville's brilliant! I really wanted it to be a role worthy of her talents but it's just not, is it.

The male reviewers said saccharine things like "magnificent TV that will put sunshine in your heart"

The female reviewer I found (Chitra Ramaswamy in the Guardian) nails it IMO:

"A cliched take on the maddening reality of being a mother"

"Cathy is the long-suffering mum familiar from generations of British sitcoms, surrounded by fools who don’t appreciate her, for ever biting her tongue and responding to insensitivity with an indomitable smile. Manville suffuses Cathy with warmth and melancholy, but this dated representation of archetypal, unshakeable mum-ness bothers me. There is something reductive about the neatly tied apron, shoes and tights always on in the house, the ability to keep calm and carry on ironing. As a depiction of the maddening reality of being a mum, I prefer the gloriously raging Motherland.

There are some thoroughly unfunny misogynistic moments, such as when Kelly asks: “What age is it when you get the old-lady smell?” While the intention may be a sendup of cruel ageism, when it is spoken by a character who inhabits the dated blond bimbo stereotype, it doesn’t work. My wish for Cathy goes beyond her getting it on with shy, manly Michael. I want her to escape, Reginald Perrin style – to thrown down her apron and run into the sea naked. This being Mum, it would probably happen off screen."

www.theguardian.com/tv-and-radio/2018/feb/21/mum-review-a-cliched-take-on-the-maddening-reality-of-being-a-mother

Yeah I think watched the whole lot waiting for the moment where she exploded and told everyone to fuck off, it never happened.

Lesley Manville is very good but no-one in their right mind would put up with that many morons in one family without snapping.

WTF is wrong with men? So many of them really don't see us as whole people with agency.

Would a man write a male protagonist that was such a doormat and never cracked, always plodded on and his reward was a hand hold? Would they fuck.

It must be written by a man with very little experience of other humans, particularly women, if he writes them so one dimensionally.

If she existed in real life, I'd tell her to get a fucking grip of herself.

If she existed in real life, I'd tell her to get a fucking grip of herself.

Same.

It must be written by a man with very little experience of other humans, particularly women, if he writes them so one dimensionally.

Unfortunately I think there are LOADS of men like this out there. Lots of men think women are there to serve people, especially mothers. We're the help humans.

It's why carers (mostly women) are only given an insulting £69.70 a week if we care for someone at least 35 hours a week in our own homes. (Usually more like 24/7). It's just women's work, innit? What we're born for, we don't need paying for it, it comes naturally to us, right?

I really thought we lived in an equal society, near enough, till I had DC. How naive I was. My eyes are well and truly opened now. Forget taking the red pill - become a mum.

I loved it and really loved how series 3 ended. I loved seeing her come into her own (and Michael too). Thought it subtle, clever, realistic and very funny.

She’s not one of the motherland women, although I enjoyed that too but with less emotion. Maybe because I know “Cathy’s” in real life?

Dunno. But think I’m on the wrong thread for this one!

I loved it.

I loved it.

It’s fantastic. She isn’t a doormat at all, she sees everything but humours them. It’s very well written and really funny.

Yes she does humour them. Oh to be so calm 🤣

Where is it being shown?

Yes, I know she's humouring them.

But she never does anything about the awful humans she's surrounded by. She just takes it all in her stride, smiles sweetly and continues serving them food, taking their insults, being their shoulder to cry on, their rock when things go wrong, never complaining, just carrying on. She's a fucking saint. She takes it to super-human levels.

It's a portrait of mothers as help-humans, there to selflessly serve others.

Don't you think we deserve more than that? We're not saints. We're real, complex human beings with our own identities, feelings and needs.

Something about this has really pissed me off today. It's got to me!

It's on BBC iPlayer. www.bbc.co.uk/programmes/b07bpbpx

Cheers, Beca

If a male protagonist was presented as such a doormat when everyone else around him was so unpleasant it wouldn't be celebrated, though, would it?

Can you think of a single how where a man puts other people's needs first to this extent, just shrugs off people being absolute cunts to him, and it's portrayed as an expected and good thing?

No problem :)

Like I said, Lesley Manville is brilliant as always. And lots of the other actor are great too. And it does have a certain charm at first.

But before too long I found myself wanting to scream. And, as the review upthread said, willing her to make a break for freedom!

I see it as a show about the burden that women are under and the way that Lesley Manville’s character struggles with the role that society has given her. I find the exploration of that character type warm and witty and true.

It's fiction.

Don't like it, don't watch it.

Totally agree. I loved this programme.
Also love Motherland, but I think Mum is about a different generation, they're not really comparable

I did want to scream at her at times through the series too.
But gradually I came to understand that she does see them all for what they are, she just chooses not to rise to it.
Since you haven't watched all the episodes you may have missed some of the story arcs of the other characters like the annoying SIL.
I thought it was great.

I loved it. As a PP said, she saw them for what they were and chose to rise above them. She was also battling immense grief, grief that no-one else really understood, and she did what she needed to do in order to work through that. I saw the ending as hope, hope for what can come after grief, hope for the joy to be found in new relationships whilst still honouring the ones that have gone before.

I agree that you can’t tell anyway by watching a couple of episodes at the beginning and then the last one. It makes no sense to do it. All of the characters are actually quite endearing in their own way but you would only know this by watching everything and seeing their journeys. The sons girlfriend is an amazing character.

I think it’s brilliant and I’m a feminist through and through

Actually just watched a series with Romesh in a male version of this role. It also starred Kelly from Mum. Really funny.

I enjoyed it. She reminded me of the mum in the Royle family, so brilliantly played by whatever her name is.

IMO there are quite a few women like this, uncomplaining doormats. You may well abhor the fact, but to me it’s true. I’ve known one, and although I often used to wonder why on earth she put up with it, I eventually came to the conclusion that she was happy with it - everybody needed her and she needed to be needed.