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"Mum" on TV is sexist drivel

78 replies

MerchedBeca · 31/07/2022 19:46

What a waste of a stellar cast!

I binge watched it. Well, kinda. It first I was intrigued by the slow pace and focus on the in between bits of life and I love Lesley Manville. I kept waiting for her "fuck the lot of you" moment, but it never came.

So, I stopped watching after 3 episodes and looked for reviews to see if it gets better. The ones I found were gushing, saying it was brilliant so thought I'd give it another chance and skipped to the last in the series - surely Cathy AKA Mum would show some level of personhood, stop being so bloody accommodating of the fucking monstrous people around her and tell at least one of them to fuck off?

But no. There she still is at the end, still, keeping her mouth shut, hiding her personhood, taking being non-judgemental to a fucking saintly level. And her reward? A hand hold, a hint of romance. That's it.

No surprise, it's written by a man. I went back to the reviews. Also written by men. I bet these are the kind of men who are surprised that mumsnet isn't only about nappies and pushchairs, that we actually <shock horror> are complex people who have opinions and interests beyond being the fucking support humans.

What a disappointment :(

I searched for a review by a woman, found one, she got it. Thank fuck for that.

OP posts:
CallmeAngelina · 01/08/2022 08:50

I think the subtlety of this show has gone right over the heads of many on this thread.

MrsPelligrinoPetrichor · 01/08/2022 08:54

HasaDigaEebowai · 31/07/2022 23:41

It’s fantastic. She isn’t a doormat at all, she sees everything but humours them. It’s very well written and really funny.

I agree. It's fantastic. She quietly let's them all crack on and finally see the light themselves. I'm the opposite and explode and it doesn't always make a blind bit of difference. I thought it was excellent especially when the son finally sees his late dad for who he really was.

MrsPelligrinoPetrichor · 01/08/2022 08:54

Stomacharmeleon · 01/08/2022 08:41

I loved it and I know lots of Cathy's. Women who just smile and put up... sadly I am one of them
The Cockfields is good too... has sue Johnson as the downtrodden mum :)

Absolutely LOVE that series.

spanishsummers · 01/08/2022 09:00

I thought it was great. And it isn't advocating her life, but describing it. As in fiction, you know?

everythingcrossed · 01/08/2022 09:13

I loved the first series, was less enthusiastic about the second and quite disliked the third. The level of stupidity and dependence demonstrated by her son and his girlfriend was just very grating, I couldn't get past it after a while.

Notonthestairs · 01/08/2022 09:18

I thought that it gradually revealed the complexities in all the characters - Kelly's dreadful childhood, Pauline's toxic misery after being left by her husband, Jason's realisation that his Dad wasn't the man he thought he was, Derek's fragility.

Agree Michael & Cathy were similar characters, outwardly a push over because of their calm demeanour but actually very dogged and determined. She'd been overshadowed by her husband for many years and then found her way to make her own choices.

It was a joy to watch her resist Jason's wishes, to tell Pauline to fuck off and skip away. By that point you knew they had all altered (in big and small ways) from the beginning.

PutThatDownNow · 01/08/2022 09:20

I loved Mum. It was frustrating and heartbreaking and hopeful. I am still a bit surprised that her son turned out so hopeless but as you go through and you learn about her husband it makes sense.

I think she was a really strong character, not weak at all, as she somehow withstood all the crap that flew at her. I think there is a generational aspect to the way that she stayed and put up with it all. What we see in the series reflects what her married life had been too. You don't need to read too many threads here to see that women somehow navigate disastrous relationships for a range of reasons.

Yes, I hoped for a huge ending where she told them all to fuck off and rode off into the sunset with her lover. But the ending was her version of that, gentler but still a fuck you to them all, and realistic.

ForfuckssakeEXHstopbeingatwat · 01/08/2022 09:32

I haven't seen it but this made me think about Motherland and how the male character, who is basically doing all of the same things the female characters are doing with the kids is a very immasculated, unsexy man who is vaguely pathetic whereas the women are these heroic superheroes juggling everything but that's just what they "should" be doing. There's no denying the double standards still hugely exist.

GonnaGetGoingReturns · 01/08/2022 09:58

I watched this and loved it.

The funniest part was when she had a go at her brother's GF in the kitchen when they went to stay in a posh house.

I know of women who are similar (though not 100% same) as Kelly too.

drunktrifle · 01/08/2022 11:01

I loved the relationship with the grandparents. Snippy as hell but actually really gentle.

notanicepersonapparently · 01/08/2022 11:44

I loved this programme too. Particularly the first two series. Of course her son and her in-laws are also grieving and she is supporting them through that too by being Mum.

CuriousMama · 01/08/2022 16:58

Pauline was my favourite character. When Kelly says ' oh you work in a supermarket too' Pauline says no I don't. Kelly says yes Waitrose is a supermarket. Pauline says no it isn't 🤣

anchorbuttercakes · 01/08/2022 19:17

I loved the parents-in-law, obviously grieving the loss of their son . There’s a scene when they are staying at the big house and she asks for a Kit Kat and he mentions her eating both fingers ‘you would as well’. Still makes me chuckle.

but it is subtle and gentle.

HideousKinky · 09/12/2022 16:54

It is one of my favourite TV shows ever.
Series 3 episode 5, 12 minutes in - Michael, usually so monosyllabic, becomes so eloquent, finally speaks from the heart and says more than he has said in all previous episodes put together

CantFindTheBeat · 09/12/2022 20:28

ForfuckssakeEXHstopbeingatwat · 01/08/2022 09:32

I haven't seen it but this made me think about Motherland and how the male character, who is basically doing all of the same things the female characters are doing with the kids is a very immasculated, unsexy man who is vaguely pathetic whereas the women are these heroic superheroes juggling everything but that's just what they "should" be doing. There's no denying the double standards still hugely exist.

I know this is an older thread, but @ForfuckssakeEXHstopbeingatwat - i hadn't consider this at all, and you are so right.

Thepeopleversuswork · 09/12/2022 20:59

Mangolist · 01/08/2022 08:20

I've not seen this - nor Motherland as tend to swerve such things, but it sounds like an updated Butterflies to me

Exactly!

So many people saying it’s subtle and well observed etc yes it is in a way but it is a reheating of a 1950s character with a 1950s perspective.

Yes she’s smarter than they are and it’s all a very knowing nod to this. But what’s the point being knowingly smarter than everyone and still choosing to be a complete pushover.

But the whole premise is so depressing. It seems basically to be saying: “you may think you are a feminist and better than this but your martyrdom is inevitable”. It can get in the bin.

OhPeggySue · 09/12/2022 21:23

Puppylucky · 01/08/2022 08:11

Just to say the guy who wrote it also wrote Him and Her which features the least stereotypical gloriously messy female character ever!

One of the best shows I've ever watched.

Canadiangrandma · 13/12/2023 02:38

I so wanted to like this show as I really like Lesley Manville. I'm on episode 4 of season two, so don't tell me I haven't given it a chance. I've just wanted to scream at Mum because she puts up with such boorish behaviour from the other people in her life. Is this a typical British family? I sure hope not. Is this a typical woman in England? They're all a bunch of idiots!

WandaWonder · 13/12/2023 03:14

How many poster's on this site post their life as a cliche, it happens daily

LickleLamb · 13/12/2023 05:06

I loved it - though felt son and gf a bit too thick

Summonedbybees · 13/12/2023 05:38

I loved it. The series Smack the pony was written by women
This clip shows MN belief that men shod be ridiculously accommodating to women. It always makes me laugh at the unrealistic image of the perfect man.

marmaladeandpeanutbutter · 14/12/2023 08:53

I liked "Mum".

People are not great at seeing that a programme can show what is, without advocating it. It's a snapshot of a life, not an advertisement or propaganda. We don't have to have a resolution served up.

drunktrifle · 14/12/2023 09:10

Canadiangrandma · 13/12/2023 02:38

I so wanted to like this show as I really like Lesley Manville. I'm on episode 4 of season two, so don't tell me I haven't given it a chance. I've just wanted to scream at Mum because she puts up with such boorish behaviour from the other people in her life. Is this a typical British family? I sure hope not. Is this a typical woman in England? They're all a bunch of idiots!

It's a sit com not a documentary.

GatherlyGal · 14/12/2023 09:15

I thought it was brilliant. It is very subtle and yes very slow but also really clever. I agree it's infuriating at times but the relationships are just great. The parents particularly.

Coastalcreeksider · 14/12/2023 09:15

I tried to watch this too, I just couldn't stand Kelly's voice and the useless son. I itched for Cathy to tell them to bugger off.

I think I managed quite a few episodes but it made me so cross that she didn't say anything that I had to stop watching.