"Mum" on TV is sexist drivel

[MerchedBeca]

What a waste of a stellar cast!

I binge watched it. Well, kinda. It first I was intrigued by the slow pace and focus on the in between bits of life and I love Lesley Manville. I kept waiting for her "fuck the lot of you" moment, but it never came.

So, I stopped watching after 3 episodes and looked for reviews to see if it gets better. The ones I found were gushing, saying it was brilliant so thought I'd give it another chance and skipped to the last in the series - surely Cathy AKA Mum would show some level of personhood, stop being so bloody accommodating of the fucking monstrous people around her and tell at least one of them to fuck off?

But no. There she still is at the end, still, keeping her mouth shut, hiding her personhood, taking being non-judgemental to a fucking saintly level. And her reward? A hand hold, a hint of romance. That's it.

No surprise, it's written by a man. I went back to the reviews. Also written by men. I bet these are the kind of men who are surprised that mumsnet isn't only about nappies and pushchairs, that we actually <shock horror> are complex people who have opinions and interests beyond being the fucking support humans.

What a disappointment :(

I searched for a review by a woman, found one, she got it. Thank fuck for that.

I thought it was excellent.

There are so few shows where a woman of middle age is the main character - my friend was even celebrating the woeful Sex in the City revival for just this reason- and it was so wonderfully subtle.

The characters were mostly caricatures apart from her love interest and herself. Slightly beyond the stage where most real people would be, but still believable enough.

Characters don't have to behave the way we want them to, or demonstrate feminism in all that they do.

I was mostly just jealous that she didn't need to work <I think as it's been a couple of years since I watched it>.

She plays a character who is very much of her generation & social class. She quietly observes everyone & realises that they are (mostly) not worth her effort and not as bright as she is, although she does love them. It is a slow burn & she finally comes into her own in series 3. I lov3d it.

I loved it.

I know women like that in their 60s/70s, and some younger. My own mum was, however it was her quiet words to me that motivated me not to live a life reliant and subservient. The character played by the amazing Lesley Manville makes me want to scream, but however much you disagree with their existence, they are there and younger generations are still learning that ‘way to be’. The young girlfriend is almost another version of ‘Mum’ and a very tragic character in fact.Not everyone has the confidence to challenge the patriarchy and this is a very subtle dig at it. So what if the writer is male? The observation of life for many women is true.

I absolutely loved this show.

The whole point of it is that she sees exactly who her family are and bears it. It's a reflection of her having been raised to fulfill that role as a woman/mother - as a facilitator of her family and an underappreciated martyr - and I thought it was really brilliant. Yes it's an extreme version of that but it's a drama not a documentary. The side characters are all extreme too and deliberately so.

I found it really thought provoking as it made me think a lot about my mother/myself as a mother and how I see patterns being repeated that I don't necessarily want.

I loved it, OP.

I thought Michael was a male version of Cathy, too. So that balanced really well. Two gentle people with a core of steel.

She didn't come across as a victim to me. More someone who knew herself and let the 'lesser' people do their thing whilst she smiled inwardly to herself.

I was mostly just jealous that she didn't need to work I think she's a classroom assistant. I'm nearly sure there's an episode where she mentions getting in for an assembly. It's funny the things that stick in your head

I loved it too. I thought the relationship between her and her brother was beautifully written.

I loved it. There are many women out there who are just like Cathy.

He's not, though. If it's what I think you mean (I forget the name) I only saw the first episode, that annoyed be too tbh. But he's played as a tragic character. His wife is divorcing him as she's so frustrated with him.

Avoidance! That's what it's called. Is that the one you mean? It's not called "Dad", is it? He's not celebrated for being gentle, instead his life is falling apart as he can't face up to things.

Just to say the guy who wrote it also wrote Him and Her which features the least stereotypical gloriously messy female character ever!

I think it’s brilliant and the Guardian writer has entirely missed the point (not a surprise). The writer is excellent and can’t wait to see his new show with Nicola Walker and Sean Bean which is a study of a marriage.

I loved it and thought that it was a wonderful observation of how much shit many women put up with. It was hilarious

I loved it. In the end she does have a ‘fuck off’ moment, she just doesn’t say it.

I liked mum - although I didn't find it a ray of sunshine, just extremely sad - I could see many older women I know in it - the ones who never manage to break out once the kids leave home and do things for themselves, but are still ironing their partners shirts, and bustling about in the kitchen when they go anywhere.

Motherland I love too, but I find the career woman with the husband who's never there far more one-dimensional and frustrating than mum.

I think you're right @EinsteinaGogo , I never saw Cathy as weak, I too think there was a "core of steel" in there. She just chose to let the little things go. I can't recall any instances where she was forced to do something she absolutely didn't want to.

I just thought she was incredibly kind. The GF was a case in point, she could have ripped her a new one in every conversation, but she chose not to, and she chose to ignore her ignorant insulting observations because the GF was saying them out of stupidity not malice.

It's the subtleties that I really enjoyed. I remember being shocked that she just let her son glug milk or juice from the carton in the fridge. Now DS is 16 and I protest about him doing the very same thing .

I loved it too, though it’s a while since I watched it. Kelly’s backstory is gradually revealed and I love that she has found Cathy, who is wonderfully patient with her and a great mentor, despite the fact that Kelly does not appear to deserve it, right from the start.

I've not seen this - nor Motherland as tend to swerve such things, but it sounds like an updated Butterflies to me

Sean Bean in a program about the study of marriage? Made me smile, as he's been married 4 times and has a reputation if you believe the media of being a right arsehole to his wives.

I loved it, I thought it very typical of many women her age who care for everyone and often ignore their own needs/wishes.

I absolutely loved watching Mum. Fantastic acting. I would love another series, but l doubt it will happen.

I watched it and hope that she was simply numb from grief and would snap out of it. She didn’t.

Motherland I love too, but I find the career woman with the husband who's never there far more one-dimensional and frustrating than mum.

Agree I watched the first series and found it infuriating how little support she got. I couldn't watch anymore of it.

I liked it, it is an exaggeration of the insensitivity in families, in most cases, but I loved the way Mum, is shown dealing with the grief of the family, especially her late husbands difficult parents.

I loved it and I know lots of Cathy's. Women who just smile and put up... sadly I am one of them
The Cockfields is good too... has sue Johnson as the downtrodden mum :)

Doesn’t she tell Pauline to go fuck herself in the last episode?