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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Is this usual practice in nurseries?

80 replies

napplieee · 31/07/2022 17:45

My DD's nursery moves toddlers to preschool at around 2 and a half. Mh DD is due to go quite soon and I'm having trouble potty training her. She cries on the potty/ toilet and is basically averse to the whole thing. I've been trying quite hard to train her, but she won't even sit down on it. She used to ages ago when I was just introducing it to her ( this was moooonths ago ). Then I just kind of left the potty around and didn't actually try properly training her until more recently.

Anyway, the point is that most kids moving up to preschool actually aren't in nappies any more- in fact, I think pretty much all of them are potty trained by that time.

I'm not sure my DD is going to be able to learn in a few weeks, as she's really crying all the time when I even mention the potty or toilet now.

I feel like I've messed her up somehow.

In any case, whenever I read on here, lot of children aren't trained by two and a half... is that late then ? I thought it was kind of normal, even at three to not be using the potty

OP posts:
SavoirFlair · 31/07/2022 17:54

don't know about usual practice in nurseries, but this is usual practice on Mumsnet …….

www.mumsnet.com/talk/nurseries

HotPenguin · 31/07/2022 17:59

Is the nursery saying they have to be potty trained before moving up? That's not allowed and Ofsted would not be impressed

TheGoogleMum · 31/07/2022 18:00

I think most are trained by 3 but not all! DD is 3 and a half and still doesn't seem to have much awareness of doing anything in her nappy 😬

Original poster
napplieee · 31/07/2022 18:02

HotPenguin · 31/07/2022 17:59

Is the nursery saying they have to be potty trained before moving up? That's not allowed and Ofsted would not be impressed

They're not saying it has to happen. But it usually is the case.

OP posts:
Purplestorm83 · 31/07/2022 18:05

I would contact the nursery for advice, I’m sure they will say it sounds like she isn’t ready to potty train and can move rooms anyway.

Findahouse21 · 31/07/2022 18:05

Our nursery are completely child led. They offered to support my friend with it, but with my dc they agree that she is no where near ready, and trying to start the process now would just be miserable for all involved. So they don't go by an arbitrary age.

WowOMG · 31/07/2022 18:06

My DD is soon to be 4 in a few months and is just recently out of nappies. Also started going at nursery about a month ago after point blank refusing anywhere unless it was at home. It's been a journey but decided not to force as she was getting upset to the point she held it in for 8 hours and was crying every time they took her. So just left her in nappies until she decided she was ready.

The nursery couldn't care less, I was also worried as most other children were out of nappies but then heard some that have started school were still in nappies and decided to just relax about it.

nokidshere · 31/07/2022 18:10

I have worked in childcare for over 40years in a variety of settings. I can tell you that:

most children are not trained at 2.5

some children are
some children aren't

The average age for a child to be fully trained is 3 to 3.5

TooMuchGoogling · 31/07/2022 18:12

Nursery nurse here. In our Nursery the toddlers move to an "in-between" room at 2.5, then to the preschool room when they turn 3.

Some children are potty trained when they move, some are just starting to train and many are still in nappies.

It sounds like your dd isn't ready yet, and I would wait a little while before reintroducing the potty to her. I honestly would not worry about her not being trained yet, all children move at their own pace and it doesn't mean your dd is behind.

The most important thing imo is that your dd is ready before you train her, otherwise it will make a battle out of going to the toilet. They all learn in the end, please don't worry at all.

Connie2468 · 31/07/2022 18:15

I'd say most children train between 2.5-3.
Some are trained by 2.5
Some are trained by 3.5.

It's unusual (ime) for children to not be trained by 3.5 unless there is some additional need involved, but children still occasionally have accidents at 3.5/4.

felineweird · 31/07/2022 18:20

Are they saying she can't move up unless potty trained?! That's ridiculous most kids are not potty trained by 2.5!

girlmom21 · 31/07/2022 18:22

Don't pressure her. She'll go when she's ready.

Original poster
napplieee · 31/07/2022 18:23

felineweird · 31/07/2022 18:20

Are they saying she can't move up unless potty trained?! That's ridiculous most kids are not potty trained by 2.5!

No thankfully they're not saying that. But one of them said that ' oh yeah we once had another child who wasn't potty trained by that time, I'll ask how we did it that time '..
As if it's an anomaly and very strange.

OP posts:
felineweird · 31/07/2022 18:26

That's utterly bizarre that they say most are potty trained by 2.5 statistically that us just not true

GreenRainbowSun · 31/07/2022 18:27

My 3 year old isn't trained. He has had constipation so haven't wanted to risk that getting worse and he gets really anxious about the idea. I am going to try again but don't think forcing it is a good idea.

CakeCrumbs44 · 31/07/2022 18:33

I would say it's about 50/50 at that age.

CrabbyCat · 31/07/2022 18:36

I trained DC1 at 3 and 3 months, and DC2 at 2.5. DC1 got it after 2 accidents, DC2 took weeks and was still having regular accidents a year later because she hated stopping doing she was enjoying and always left going to the toilet to the last minute. I don't think what age you potty train makes much difference in the long run to anything much, including how long they continue to have accidents for. She's telling you she's not ready, I'd leave it for the moment.

woody87 · 31/07/2022 18:41

My almost 4 year old is still in nappies as is several of the children that are similar ages in his nursery.

They are not allowed to stipulate that children must be toilet trained prior to going to nursery, if she isint ready (which at 2.5 most kids aren't) then I would leave it for a while and try again later in the year.

gogohmm · 31/07/2022 18:42

It varies, one of mine was trained at 2.5, one was 4.5 (asd so perhaps not a fair comparison) from friends kids I would say that most are trained between 2.5&3. It is later than when I was a kid so I don't think children aren't capable younger (apparently I was 18 months) I think as parents we don't push it as much. Perhaps this nursery realises most kids are ready and parents need a bit of a deadline to do it. I'm pretty sure dd2 would have been earlier if I had tried, I actually for ease waited til her dsis was ready and trained them together!

Original poster
napplieee · 31/07/2022 18:46

gogohmm · 31/07/2022 18:42

It varies, one of mine was trained at 2.5, one was 4.5 (asd so perhaps not a fair comparison) from friends kids I would say that most are trained between 2.5&3. It is later than when I was a kid so I don't think children aren't capable younger (apparently I was 18 months) I think as parents we don't push it as much. Perhaps this nursery realises most kids are ready and parents need a bit of a deadline to do it. I'm pretty sure dd2 would have been earlier if I had tried, I actually for ease waited til her dsis was ready and trained them together!

I was also trained by 18 months ! Lots of kids I know are trained by 18 months or earlier- but not in the UK.

I don't really know how you can force a child that's crying on the potty to do it though. Maybe all of theirs just didn't cry and just got on with it !

I've been loosely trying for a very long time. Perhaps that's what the issue is !

OP posts:
Hankunamatata · 31/07/2022 18:47

Dont panic. Ypu may find when she is in a room with other children using the toilet then she might want to. I had one who hated potty but loved toilet.

Scottishskifun · 31/07/2022 18:51

Don't panic she will most likely get it a lot quicker with other children about doing the same thing. My DS was the same moved up but still in pull ups within a few weeks of being in the bigger group when we tried again he got it within a few days and barely has any accidents and we have had no regression. We had tried 4 times before and failed as he got so upset and then just held it.

Relax and she will get it when she's around the other kids it actually helps.

MissyB1 · 31/07/2022 18:52

I work in a nursery, most of our children are potty trained by 2 years 9 months- which is when they move up to the next class. There’s usually a couple that aren’t- not a big deal.

InChocolateWeTrust · 31/07/2022 19:00

All the kids in my family have been toilet trained between 21 months and 2.5 years but my family are old fashioned about it.

I think a lot of people on mnet are very "child led" about it and expect toilet training to consist of
a) waiting for the child to decide to train themselves
b) no/few accidents
c) child being able to toilet completely independently including wiping
d) parent never/rarely prompting child to go etc.
e) child holding for 20 or 30 minutes from day 1.

If you wait for this then it rarely happens before about 3.5.

Wam90 · 31/07/2022 19:02

My son will be going up to preschool at his nursery in September when he’ll be 3 years and 8 months because they didn’t have any space until then. I think they generally move children from the age of 3 if there’s room. My son didn’t potty train until he was 3 because the time just wasn’t right.
Don’t stress yourself or your daughter out by trying to get her potty trained in a few weeks. I’m sure there are many children who will go to preschool that are still in nappies.
If you don’t feel that she’s ready in other ways then could you speak to them about waiting a few months to move her up? I’m sure they will be doing age appropriate activities for the range of ages and won’t be forcing her to do something that is beyond her learning though. You also might find that she learns from the other children and potty trains quickly around other children that are using the toilets.