Is this usual practice in nurseries?

[napplieee]

My DD's nursery moves toddlers to preschool at around 2 and a half. Mh DD is due to go quite soon and I'm having trouble potty training her. She cries on the potty/ toilet and is basically averse to the whole thing. I've been trying quite hard to train her, but she won't even sit down on it. She used to ages ago when I was just introducing it to her ( this was moooonths ago ). Then I just kind of left the potty around and didn't actually try properly training her until more recently.

Anyway, the point is that most kids moving up to preschool actually aren't in nappies any more- in fact, I think pretty much all of them are potty trained by that time.

I'm not sure my DD is going to be able to learn in a few weeks, as she's really crying all the time when I even mention the potty or toilet now.

I feel like I've messed her up somehow.

In any case, whenever I read on here, lot of children aren't trained by two and a half... is that late then ? I thought it was kind of normal, even at three to not be using the potty

I’m sorry, but in the absence of any (significant) additional need, a child not being toilet trained by 5 and a half years (Year 1 of primary school?) is pretty disgraceful. Utterly lazy parenting

Anything beyond 3.5 years is pretty lazy imo.

5.5 is child abuse.

neither of my boys were potty trained until they were 3.5. They are 12 and 16 now and fully continent!

It’s Mumsnet - 4 (even 3 in my mind) is ridiculously late to start potty training. It just confuses wains who’ve basically been ‘trained’ to soil and wet themselves in a pull up for years.

DD1 was moved up to preschool room not long after her 2nd birthday (mainly I think because she no longer napped and was waking all the others up).

There happened to be a half term a couple of weeks afterwards so while I was off work (teacher) I decided to have a crack at it and she got it really quickly. I genuinely think this was because she’d been watching all the others in the preschool room use the toilet.

It really helped that she was speaking fluently by then though, otherwise I think it would have been tricky. Still can’t pull her own pants up at 3.5 without head butting the floor though.

Echoing what others have said OP, maybe she’ll relax once she’s watched others use the loo without fuss. In the meantime, the key workers I’m sure can handle nappies.

just squeaked in there then!

Children are ready when they are ready. DS2 was dry at night as soon as he was trained, DS1 took until nearly 6 to be dry ay night. All children are different

She's not going to get it in a day, you need to give her a week.

Stay at home, start naked from the waist down, confine yourselves to one (wipe clean ideally!) room initially and every time she starts to do a wee/poo, put her on the potty and give her a chocolate button.

You need to keep the potty close by and really watch her like a hawk, so you can get her straight on the potty. Give her lots to drink so she has lots of opportunity to practice.

As soon as she starts to show signs of 'getting it' - start putting her in pants.

Our nursery doesn’t stipulate they have to be potty trained before going to preschool group and that they are child led but do encourage and help if asked.

My little one was very much like yours, would scream and cry if I tried to get her to sit on the potty, would get herself so upset and in a right state. I couldn’t bare to see her like that. Decided to stop trying to ‘make’ her do it but continue to encourage and ask if she wanted to use the potty. Started potty training at 2yrs old. Suddenly one day a month before her third birthday, she said told me that she was big girl now and no more nappies. Went potty that morning, had a couple of accidents in the first two days and by day three was pretty much completely potty trained by day 3.
Of course every child is different but from my experience, sounds like she’s not quite ready and to wait until she shows interest.

Does she have to move to preschool? Ours move from babies to toddlers at 2 then to preschool at 3. However, if the child isn’t settling well, or would benefit from the lower ratio (such as for potty training) they can remain in the younger room a 3-6 months longer.
Do you want her to move?

My son's nursery only take children from the term after they turn two. They have facilities there for nappy changes as well as potties and toilets, so they can't expect all the children to be trained by 2.

DS started nursery in January and we trained him when he was 2 years 5 months, in June. He took to it pretty painlessly, and I think this was partly because he'd seen the older children at nursery using the little toilets there and really wanted a go himself. So maybe moving up into the preschool room will actually help.

My eldest was toilet trained by 2.5, my youngest is 3 and 3 months and showing no sign of toilet training, they'll do it when they are ready to. Don't let anyone hurry you or your child! Obviously if they are approaching 4 I'd be more concerned.

@napplieee for the first few days with both of mine, I had them on timers. Get them to sit on the potty every 30 minutes/ 1 hour, and try and do a wee. Once they've got the hang of doing all their wees in a potty on this basis, only then start making the timer intervals longer and seeing if they'll work out they need to go themselves. If they get involved in something they tend to forget about needing to go to the potty for a wee so I'd put a timer on again for that time. Even once they are fairly reliable quite a bit of avoiding accidents is making them try and do a wee e.g. before you go out into the garden / for a walk.

From memory it took DD aged 2.5 about 4 days to start understanding far enough ahead of time that she needed a wee to make it to a potty, and she was able to wee on demand before we started (we'd put her on the toilet pre-bath / first thing in the morning from age 18 months). However, because they are on a timer it means you get successful wees in the potty you can do lots of positive reinforcement praise for.

I don't know how it's done elsewhere, but at our nursery they had the just potty trained kids on timers for the first month or so so what we did was exactly what nursery would do. Can you ask your nursery how they handle just potty trained kids? Mine were both worse for accidents at nursery than at home because there is more going on to distract them, they can keep having accidents a lot longer there than at home.

No. Don't worry. Loads of kids
Aren't potty trained and even those who are
Will
Probably be having a lot of accidents at pre
School

My child starts school next month. Still has loads of accidents. Teacher said not to worry. They're used to it In reception

In my experience if you introduce it all much younger there is far less resistance to it. They are less habituated to going in nappies and far less resistant to change. I used to sit my eldest on a potty after supper at 15 months old and they would just poo on it, by age 2 it was almost automatic so we never had that phase where some kids want a nappy to poo in etc.
Yep, this. I also started getting mine used to potty/toilet and nappy free time from an early age. British people tend to leave kids permasealed in nappies 24/7 until they reach the stage where they say No to literally every suggestion, and then try to get them used to a potty. Of course it's a lot more difficult!

she just kept pooing and peeing everywhere.. I tried bare bottom and I've tried underwear. Each time for about a day. Do I just need to keep going for longer ? She didn't seem to care she was wet or that she'd gone to do a pee and poo just wherever she was.
OP, you need to persist for longer than a day! She's had 2.5 years of being in nappies, it's going to take longer than a day for her to "get" why we don't pee and poo all over ourselves.

Try "No Crap Potty Training"--it's not a bad book if you are starting at this age.

Yep, this. I also started getting mine used to potty/toilet and nappy free time from an early age. British people tend to leave kids permasealed in nappies 24/7 until they reach the stage where they say No to literally every suggestion, and then try to get them used to a potty. Of course it's a lot more difficult!

Funny because I'm not British and I have actually been doing this for ages, because where I'm from, potty training happens way earlier too. I feel like something has happened / she's been scarred by something / or some other reason why she now refuses to have anything to do with it. She's also not long ago become a big sister etc.

(can't believe that there are people on here who don't even start until their kid is nearly four. I have a feeling that nappies might be the next product to become a lot more expensive due to supply-chain snarls of some kind, and if/when that happens it'll be interesting to see if we see parents starting earlier...)

@EYProvider @maddiemookins16mum @LimboLass My son's two consultants who've spent their entire careers in paediatrics would disagree with you that it's solely "lazy parenting" or "abusive"... Ds1 has no "special needs" as you put it at all, started potty training at 3, but wasn't reliably dry in the day till he was around 7. He was 11 before he was dry at night. His body simply couldn't make or respond to the hormone signals. Ds2 who does have "special needs" and started training at exactly the same age, was dry within weeks.

I can’t believe this wait till the child is ready mantra. I’m old and my 4 children were out of nappies between 18 months and 2.5. They weren’t allowed at nursery till they were 3 and were expected to be out of nappies by then. Disposables make it easy just to leave them in nappies and expect there to be a magical day when the child asks to go to the toilet. Its much easier to start earlier. If they can “hold it in “ then they can control their bladder/ bowels.

She's just become a big sister! That could be your issue. I have heard of one mum who insisted in changing both kids at the same time. Big sibling soon got fed up with that and decided potty for them.

I'm an evil mum. Both my kids I decided on a convenient weekend to potty train. Rolled up the rug, wood easier to clean than carpet. Brought out the potty. Prepared to get on with it.
DS1 was already using the potty on occasion. He got it very quickly.
DS2 hated it, Day 1 refused to sit on it so i was trying the big toilet and potty. He kept doing tiny pees all day, DH came home plonked the potty in front of the telly, mammoth wee, he must have been bursting. Fear of the potty over.

A dry weekend in the garden is also a good move. Wet grass is less stressful than wet carpet. And wet clothes can go in for a quick wash and hang them out.

Dick

DS nursery moves down to preschool room based on readiness and the age range is 2.5-3years. Being toilet trained is one of the requirements but they do make allowances for special needs. At this point in time, I think there is just one child in more than 40 who wears nappies.

I used cloth nappies so having no poo in nappies was beneficial to me and them. Followed similar process to @InChocolateWeTrust and had neither child doing a poo in nappy at around 12 months and communicating to me they need to go by 18 months. Wee took longer but both were out of nappies before 2.5years old

She's, two and a half ,just leave it for a few months if she's not ready, some posters on here seen to think it reflects on how good they are at parenting to get their child trained as early as possible
With my oldest son ww tried potty training from two and a half it clicked two months after his 3rd birthday, so what ,
Mu youngest has severe autism and learning disabilities, so he was nine or ten when he was finally out of nappies, but the vast ,vast majority of kids are toilet trained by school age ( disabilities/ medical reasons aside )

Yeah thankfully ww don't diacriminate against kids who are later to toilet trained anymore

Definitely potty timing rather than training. My daughter also cried on the potty when I started to train. I persevered for a week or so then gave up. I tried again 3 months later with a plastic medal and a smartie and sticker on the potty
when she performed and it went like clockwork, no accidents ever. Bide your time and don't stress.

Can't believe some of the replies on here! Well I can, it is Mumsnet....

My little girl is 2 years 7 months and I would have said the same as you a few weeks ago. We started around Easter when we had a solid few days at home but there were accidents everywhere. We went on holiday a few weeks later and just made the pragmatic decision to go back to nappies and keep the potty in sight but take the pressure off. I'm glad we did - the holiday would have been no fun otherwise!

We tried again about a week ago when I knew we could have a solid few days at home, went and bought some big girl pants together and spent a lot of time in the garden with easy to the potty. A week later and a couple of accidents and she's pretty much there - totally different to the first time. She's noticeably holding her wees a lot more which she just wasn't doing earlier in the year.

I'd give both of you a break, especially with a new baby as well, and wait for the next time you can spend a solid few days on it and see how it goes.