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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Lift home scenario

84 replies

workim · 31/07/2022 17:23

Ava & Tom have a teen dd together (14), not together, Ava is single, Tom has a wife & baby.

Ava & dd attend family party, Ava drinks a little too much, they sleep over. The family member happens to live near Tom & his wife.

The following day, dd explains to dad that they stayed over and could he drive them home (only about 20 mins away) It was not dads day to see dd, he says he cant but with no explanation other than he has plans.

Who is BU

Tom - Should have done it as it affects dd

Ava - Should have arranged transport

OP posts:
bangersandsmashhh · 31/07/2022 17:47

Ava should have sorted transport
but clearly this is a reverse because no one would be so entitled

coodawoodashooda · 31/07/2022 17:47

comealongponds · 31/07/2022 17:45

Obviously Ava is BU, I assume you’re Tom or Tom’s wife OP?

Yeah. Tom's wife.

Els1e · 31/07/2022 17:48

Ava. But if I was Tom, and I could, I would have run them home. Good that d turns to Tom.

FairyLightAddict · 31/07/2022 17:48

Ava obvs

Threelittlelambs · 31/07/2022 17:50

Wow that’s quite entitled …. But I would suspect this escalated

Can I have a lift …. No I’m busy …. Wouldn’t jut end there by the sounds of it.

MassageForLife · 31/07/2022 17:53

I don't understand why anyone is being unreasonable.

Is anyone annoyed about it?

Surely it's ok for a daughter to ask her dad for a lift.

Surely it's ok for the dad to say no.

Ava would be unreasonable if they didn't have any alternative options, but surely she figured something out?

IncompleteSenten · 31/07/2022 17:55

Ava is an adult. She can sort out transport.

If the daughter had been alone I'm sure the father would have given her a lift but she has a parent with her who is fully capable of getting a taxi.

SherbertLemonDrop · 31/07/2022 17:55

1 million % obviously Ava is being unreasonable.

MeridianB · 31/07/2022 17:56

Ava is BU!

ifonly4 · 31/07/2022 17:57

Ava had parental responsibility, so shouldn't be in that position unless she could sort it out. She is obviously irresponsible if she's drinking too much and can't get them home.

If I were Tom, I'd have been concerned about the reason DD felt she wanted to phone him, ask to speak to Ava and if that wasn't possible try and get to location to assess if Ava is a responsible guardian to be in charge of DD.

Behappyplease · 31/07/2022 17:58

KeyboardWarriorsUnite · 31/07/2022 17:31

Why is anyone unreasonable here?

Surely it's ok to ask - it's also ok to say no.

This!

Sounds like OP is Toms wife, unless there is more to this I don’t understand the drama. Waiting for the massive drip drip drip feed…

KrisAkabusi · 31/07/2022 18:03

I'm expecting the OP to be Tom or Tom's wife, because literally none of this is anything to do with them. If the OP is Ava, we'll never hear from her again.

sweeneytoddsrazor · 31/07/2022 18:04

Nobody is unreasonable and really the nonsense spouted about being a suitable guardian??? Mum with a 14 year old at a family members house stays the night because she has had a bit much to drink is not a cause for concern fgs. Its not quite like being in a pub with a 4 year old and random people

NumberTheory · 31/07/2022 18:06

I think it depends a little bit on what has gone on in the past.

If Ava and Tom have a reasonably respectful co-parenting relationship then not unreasonable to ask. Not unreasonable to say no if it’s not convenient.

If Ava is constantly doing stuff like this then asking is tiresome, a bit cheeky and liable to wear down that reasonably respectful co-parenting relationship.

If Tom is constantly expecting Ava to do things like this (or to pick up dd when it’s really his turn etc.) and this was one occasion that Ava asked, then if I were Ava I’d probably be a bit pissed off that he couldn’t go out of his way just once and cyclically suspect he could do it but just didn’t want to. But it’s still not reasonable to just expect someone to be available with no notice. (And this last scenario seems the least likely anyway).

Rainbowqueeen · 31/07/2022 18:09

I find if really odd that Tom was even considered as an option. It’s nothing to do with him and he is perfectly entitled to say no

Surely even if Ava and DD were planning to use public transport to go home, there would be more options available during the day than late at night.

Suzi888 · 31/07/2022 18:10

Idontknowwhattothink · 31/07/2022 17:26

Ava is BU. Why should he be driving her around because she drank too much? Given she's stayed over surely she can drive now anyway. If she has no car what was her strategy for getting home?

^ I thought this. Maybe she had a lift but then was so drunk went to bed.
She asked the dad on the off chance but he said no. There are either taxis, or Ava needs to arrange transport.

JenniferBarkley · 31/07/2022 18:21

As someone else said recently, I hate these posts even more than reverses - written to appear oh so neutral but with a clear villain.

Just write the post from your own pov.

What would Ava's pov be? If they're friendly and Tom was nearby, I don't see the harm in asking so long as she didn't pile on the guilt when it was a no.

ApolloandDaphne · 31/07/2022 18:25

Ava IBU. She needed to organise transport.

CluelessHamster · 31/07/2022 18:27

Ava was BU plus DD is 14 and old enough to cope with hanging around while mum sleeps off her hangover and gets herself organised.

How was Ava planning to get home if she'd not gotten herself pissed? Could the person whose house they stayed at not given them as lift? I'd have said no if I were Tom.

Shinyandnew1 · 31/07/2022 18:29

Is this even a problem?! ‘Person asks for a lift, other person says no can do’ shocker.

If Ava drunk more than expected so had to stay over, where is the car she couldn’t drive home?! Why couldn’t she drive home the next day?? How do they normally get places?!

I’d be pissed off if I was Ava. Why did the daughter have to ask someone else for a lift-surely Ava had a plan.

TrashyPanda · 31/07/2022 18:30

How did Ava plan to get home originally?

why can’t she use that method of transport today?

why not ask a family member rather than her ex?

WudYouSayItInRealLife · 31/07/2022 18:33

OP, you've left the thread an hour..... it's boring waiting for the big reveal 😂😂😂. So you are already being unreasonable.

Ava is BU

BatshitBanshee · 31/07/2022 18:45

Ava is BU. Why should Tom have to pick up the slack when it's not his day because ava couldn't get her shit together to get herself and DD home.

Jollygreen · 31/07/2022 18:47

Ava is BU.

I'm guessing you're Tom's wife?

sweeneytoddsrazor · 31/07/2022 18:50

Did Ava even ask DD to ring her dad?

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