Recently I've been finding it extremely grating that it seems like dp gets to control all the big decisions in our lives.
I'm a sahm to our first child whilst he works ft. We aren't currently living together as I got tired of living with him and his family. He promised we would move out, we started looking at finances and I started house hunting/Contacting estate agents. I even arranged viewings. Then all the sudden dp turned around and so "nope we can't afford it". I've been patiently living with him and his family for years now in the hopes that he keeps saying we will "move soon" and it finally felt like the real thing this time. I felt so shattered by it all. I know money wise we would struggle but it's a struggle I'm willing to take if it means get on with our lives independently and progressing as a family. But dp has said no so that is that.
Another aspect is that we was going to move further out. Its always been a dream of mine since forever to move away. I'm not a need to travel around the world kind of person but I definitely want to get out of the tiny bubble we live in and expand our horizons. The places we where looking at were beautiful. We went and actually visited these places and the atmosphere/environment was so beautiful. I allowed myself to feel excited and hopeful. Well now dp has proclaimed that he doesn't want to move far anymore (influenced by his dm that doesn't want us out of her sight) and I'm so upset. Dp is adamant that "for dc" we need to stay local so dc can see family. I've argued that actually where we are looking to move to is better for dc since it is a place where the cost of living is cheaper and the actual place itself is generally happier and safer for children. But nope. Dp won't have it.
Another big thing is that we are engaged to get married and we both want another dc. But of course because dp is hindering everything else marriage and having another dc is completely off the table for the "foreseeable future" which is pretty open ended as our financial state Isnt going to change anytime soon. I know its silly to want have a child when we can't afford our own home but for my own personal health reasons i want and need to have a child soon. Dc1 put alot of strain on my body which ended up in an emc because my body couldn't handle birth. I'm worried how any more time span added on will affect my bodies ability to bear a pregnancy again. Every month I secretly hope I am pregnant but obviously am not! I could never tell dp this but it crushes me everytime I get a negative test.
I just don't find it fair that dp holds all the cards to every major life decision that is made. I have already had to sacrifice so much and accommodated to dps needs for example me living with him and his family when I didn't want to.
Aibu to feel like this and that dp is more in control of my own life than me. I know we both need to be on board with things like this but when do I ever get a say then?