Abuse????

[Wallflower22]

My partner of 5yrs this morning has thrown a pot of yoghurt at me which exploded all over me and the floor then opened a bag of salad and tipped it over my head all infront of my 4yr old because i said i didn't like natural yoghurt. What would you all make of that and what would you do? Based on this info alone without a back story

So sorry to hear you are going through this and feel so trapped. I think ultimately get out for your son. He will grow up thinking this is normal and might even learn this behaviour for himself and be abusive to his future partners.

Just over 10 ears ago I was in your position although without a child.

I was mentally, financially and sexually abused by my husband. There is absolutely no one who knows the full extent of what I was put through as I was then and am now too embarrassed to admit to myself or them what I went through.

You need to leave. Contact the police and women's aid and they will help you leave safely.

If needs be, take your son and present yourself at the local police station and ask to speak to their domestic abuse team.

These men do not change and will only get worse til they kill you.

Do you want your son to grow uo thinking this is acceptable? To grow uo and trust his partner in the same manner? As awful as it sounds, ot is what is likely to happen if you stay.

If you can’t find the strength to do it for yourself do it for your son. You know how this will end up if you don’t LTB.

My son turning into what his dad is, is my biggest fear. I would hate for him to think this behaviour is normal and behave this way in future relationships. I'm also just so scared my cancer will return and i'll be too ill to look after him or worse and then my son will have to go live with his dad and i won't be there to stop the damaged behaviour

All understandable fears.

But you need to put your safety first

Even more reason to get the relevant authorities involved and to make sure your family know exactly what he’s like. That way you can make a plan for your future that doesn’t rely on him if the worst happens to you.

You can get out and set a good example to your DS to break the cycle of abuse here. If he’s laughing at what’s happened it doesn’t necessarily mean he will grow up thinking it’s funny. My ex’s DD used to giggle whenever he got angry and started kicking stuff around - I suspect because she’d learned at the age of 4/5 that making her small and cute would diffuse his anger, it was actually quite disturbing to see once I’d realised.

Of course he thought this excused his behaviour because she wasn’t scared by it (as I was). He blamed me for being too sensitive when I would get upset or scared by his temper. Children learn how to go into survival mode when they grow up with this shit, and I imagine it’s a bit like a small animal playing dead to stop the predator picking on them.

I hope you’re able to get some real life support. In the meantime keep posting here as sadly too many MNers have experience and wisdom gained from going through the exact same thing.

This is terrible that this is happening to you and you are clearly suffering domestic abuse. What I also find very sad is that the innocent 4yr old is growing up finding seeing his mother abused amusing and seemingly normal. For the sake of your childs future you need to get him away from this man,

My son turning into what his dad is, is my biggest fear. I would hate for him to think this behaviour is normal and behave this way in future relationships.

Your son already thinks this is normal behaviour and what a relationship should be. That is what you are teaching him. If you want your son to understand that this is not normal behaviour, that it is abusive, and that the appropriate response is to leave, then you have to model that for him. He learns from you. Please tell your family and friends what has been happening or ask a women's organisation for help.

This. He deliberately humiliated you in front of your child. And will do it again and again if you stay. 💐

You need to get somewhere safe and context the police. If there is a women's center near you they provide support it's worth checking them out, they can give legal advice and help you with benefit claims and housing. Stop all contact been him and your son as soon as possible

If you don't have anywhere to go the police can help you find a women's refugee, not ideal but safer

I've just read your updates
I'm so sorry and please don't be embarrassed to tell your family. It is his fault. He has ground you down and knocked your self esteem and I expect you can't see the way out
I'm so sorry about your cancer, but see this as motivation to leave
As I'm sure you've thought. Life is too short.

Ring DV advice line for help. They can get you both a place in a hostel and support with benefits. Emotional and controlling abuse is against the law. Press charges, get a restraining order. If he wants access to the child, let him go through court, his violent behaviour means it'll need to be supervised, and not by you. Telling your family is hard but push the shame aside and concentrate on that fear for your son. It's going to be difficult, I'm not going to lie but please, please get out. It will get worse. Read the thread I added on 30.03, that's your future unless you leave today.

It's assault and intended to degrade you as much as possible.

Thank you everyone. I'm going to contact either womens aid or dv helpline this morning once he has left for work. I just feel so stupid, like how the hell can i have let this go on so long. I wish i'd never met him

Please talk to your family. You need to get both you & your son out of there.

You are not stupid. He saw you coming and targeted you. Get the help you need to start a new life. It will be hard because he is not going to be happy about it, but you don’t have to think about all of it at once, only what your next step is.
Do everything you possibly can to follow all the recommendations to stay cancer free, don’t skip any of it, you deserve a good and happy life.

Don't feep stupid. None of this is your fault, and so many women have found themselves in your position. Of course you wanted to believe it would get better. Who wouldn't? But what matters is what you do now. You must find the strength to leave him, for your own sake and the sake of your son.

I understand, I do, but you're not stupid. He wants you to feel that way to stop you reaching out for help. Be strong, don't let it go on any longer.

Just not acceptable

Your family will be appalled you have not told them . They can help

I don't think you're stupid at all. You're seeking help which is the smartest thing you can do in the circumstances.

My ex stared with things like throwing pots of yoghurt so they would explode everywhere (because I hadn't eaten it before it went out of date) and throwing bags of salad all over the floor. It escalated to him dragging me across the room by my throat.

I'm so sorry for what you are going through op. This is definitely abuse. It will only escalate.

If you are safe, check out women's aid. If you aren't safe please get somewhere that is.

Make plans to get away. It doesn't have to be right this second. Posters will treat this thread as a real life soap opera but that is not how life works and leaving can be the most dangerous (but important) thing you can do.

Things will be OK if do leave. They won't get better if you don't.

Don’t feel stupid, but do phone Women’s aid and tell family and friends what is going on. You need support right now.