Boyfriend pays for only fans

[maskedmother]

Just curious of other peoples opinion, would you be bothered or consider it cheating if your partner has an only fans subscription? Recently discovered my boyfriend pays for it for this particular woman. We have a son together and I'm now pregnant with our second. I feel betrayed by this, but I don't know if I'm over reacting/hormonal etc. Is it a big deal? I know he watches porn but this seems more personal.

I don't know if I'd label it as cheating, but it's certainly not what I'd call acceptable.

With regular porn, it's like watching any acting. There's an emotional and physical distance between the user and the person on screen. With something like OnlyFans, there's a personal interaction and that's crossing the line. It's why wanking over a photo of a celebrity is more acceptable than wanking over a photo of the girl next door - it doesn't feel as personal.

Depending on how much this is costing him, I'd also be pissed off he's spending money on OnlyFans when he's a dad of two, and there's plenty of free porn around.

Ask yourself - what else has he been doing that he's been hiding from you?
It's not acceptable - there's no trust or respect for you or your relationship. He's a pathetic, gullible idiot.

I don't understand half of the logic in this thread, so you'd be ok with him looking at porn that is free (or generally pirated and the performer gets nothing) but you wouldn't be happy with him buying porn where the performer gets a fee paid directly to them?

Surely the latter is morally better? The majority of OF content creators aren't oppressed slaves like the majority of folk here would have you believe, they're providing a service for which they get paid for.

You pay to watch a movie at the cinema right? Illegally streaming it is immoral as it shafts the creators. The same is true of most of the 'free' porn available online.

If he is engaging in conversation with said performer then there is an issue, but looking at some nude photos is definitely not cheating.

👍 I had already expressed a similar sentiment.

Problem is I found out about this by snooping. But I would have never known otherwise. I'm not really sure how to approach this

Say 'answer me honestly, are you using onlyfans'
And go from there

Yeah. Couldn't get it wet for a man like that. He's mugging you off and you deserve so much better.

Its not cheating
But it is 🤮
Watching porn is gross imo
But he PAYS MONEY to watch one particular woman get hot and naked. And not just any random stranger . Yuck... yuck

What matters is you feel betrayed. He has hidden his use on an old phone, it is his dirty secret. Do you trust him to believe that is all? First porn, now OF, what next? Time to set boundaries, but will he respect them?

He hasn't hid it as such, his old phone is synced with his new one so I can see all of his search history. I only saw one link where it says about payment details, so I don't even know if it was a one off or he's subscribed. Even so, I find it disgusting. We've been arguing this week already and things have been weird, which is why i snooped in the first place tbh.
I know I'm wrong for doing that aswell though, which he will throw in my face no doubt

That only matters if you believe confronting him about it will change anything.

You can talk about your values on this without mentioning that you know he watches. You can ignore it, even though you hate it, without telling him you know he watches. You can leave him without telling him you know he watches.

So do you want to stay with him, and if so do you think asking him not to watch would mean he’d likely stop watching?