Bbq etiquette

[hashbrownsandwich]

You are invited to a friends birthday bbq. Invitation states 'Come to ours any time from midday, bbq, drinks and the kids can play - being a bottle and something to throw on the bbq, we've got the sides and rolls etc covered'.

What time do you actually expect to eat?

My AIBU is I would expect to eat around 1 but my DH reckons people would expect it to be served on arrival 🤭🤣

I'd bring a bottle and desert or side in my circle but the meat is a bit arkward

‘Served on arrival’ - what the….?!??

Is this you hosting @hashbrownsandwich and that’s why you’re asking?

Well, quite obviously, it can’t be served on arrival, if guests are bringing food to be cooked on arrival - which is perfectly normal and acceptable for a big group BBQ.

So why is this even being asked?

I would expect to eat when the food is ready - be that at 1pm or significantly later.

I would expect drinks and nibbles on arrival, and then to eat whenever - absolutely not fussed at all, and wouldn’t expect a set time. Just when it’s ready.

I would expect the hosts to provide the meat or at least some and then other people bring sides. The meat is the most important part of the Bbq unless you are vegetarian so the hosts should cover that. The hosts will likely have the sides ready to go but if you are wanting meat you would have to wait till guests turn up so that it could be cooked in dribs and drabs.

If never turn up empty handed and would always take a drink, dessert etc. to someone's home when visiting but I wouldn't expect to bring the main part of the meal.

I would expect the bbq to be on all afternoon! People will be arriving with all different sorts of meats and veg for the bbq - are they cooking it themselves - will there be a queue for the bbq - is it a large crowd?

Also lived in two hemispheres, and this sort of invitation is completely par for the course for a group BBQ.

Just bring a bottle and some - anything! - to throw on the BBQ.

It really doesn’t matter what. Some sausages. Some burgers. Some lamb steaks. Some kebabs. Something plant-based if you’re a vegetarian. Literally. Anything. It all gets cooked and put on the table and everyone helps themselves.

There is inevitably loads left over and no-one goes hungry.

I think the point is this is slightly extreme. It seems the hosts are providing nothing but some rolls and some sides. It’s fine to bring a bottle and a contribution but this seems the hosts are basically providinf nothing

you can get eight burgers and 12 sausages for just over a fiver from Asda. I get they might be really skint and can’t afford that though.

it’s just awkward if you’ve nothing to give your guests and need to wait for them to front up to cook any food, and then you e everyone eating at all different times and if it’s only a small bbq some folks will need to wait hours till their food is cooked.

That’s not how it works.

People arrive from midday. The BBQ is turned on at a certain point, and all the food gets cooked.

It’s ALL put on the table, along with salads and sides - people are told to help themselves. No-one needs to ‘wait for the person who bought the burgers to arrive’.

Happy days.

I went to a bbq recently where all of the food and drink was allocated to various couples who would be in attendance to bring. The hosts provided rolls and sweet potato fries 😅

That only works if everyone turns up at roughly the same time and the bbq big enough to cook all the food at once

Never been to a BBQ where I have to provide any food. You bring alcohol and soft drinks yes but anything else, is a no.

If you invite someone to a BBQ and ask them to bring their own food what you're inviting them to is a fire, not a bbq.

If they’re saying come anytime from midday I’d expect most people won’t arrive until at least 1:00 and that many won’t arrive til later. So i’d assume that the main bbq would probably be between 2-3 but that maybe there would be nibbles out before that. Although if people are bringing their own food and it’s a gas barbecue grill that can just be left on all afternoon I guess maybe it would be fine just to stick your burgers etc on whenever you want. But to be safe I’d probably have a big, late breakfast under the assumption the real food wouldn’t be served for at least the first couple of hours.

I’ve never been to a BBQ where I haven’t taken a contribution towards the food, I think it’s really rude not to. I’ve never seen or heard it questioned either, other than in the UK, and with the greatest respect, I’m not sure we’re bbq experts so I’ll keep going with my Southern Hemisphere learnt bbq etiquette 😂to each their own I guess.

I would say eat 1 ish

I should have clarified. Host is providing some burgers and sausages etc, usually more than any of us ever actually need.

It's interesting to see the mixed plans.

Right. So they are providing the food.
That was confusing..

From midday, I would assume means to arrive around 12:30-1pm. Food available from 2pm onwards, though maybe some snacks/nibbles on arrival.

Experience tells me to eat a fairly substantial brunch in advance.

Sounds bloody fantastic!

Yes!!! This is how it's done The unidentifiable cold meat bits are def a highlight

That's like inviting somebody to a roast dinner - we've done the veggies just bring your own meat and gravy 🤣

If they don't squirt you with champagne from super soakers on arrival and slap you round the chops with a fillet mignon it's rude and poor hosting.

D'oh, missed the update 🤣

🤣 me, me ... Invite me!

Holds arm up with other arm to show keeness

I wasn't talking specifically about BBQs - you get this on wedding threads where people talk about having a cash bar is somehow looked down upon.

However, it does add up. Meat is expensive. Then add in the salads and bread and puddings and soft drinks and it can cost over a week's shop for some families. Some people have budgets they need to live within.

Sometimes people have a the best home for hosting - maybe geographically in the middle of a spread out family or group of friends, or maybe a big garden or maybe a big open plan living space rather than 3 or 4 smaller rooms, or maybe better parking or maybe a dozen other reasons - not sure why they should always be the ones having to buy in all the food.