Bbq etiquette

[hashbrownsandwich]

You are invited to a friends birthday bbq. Invitation states 'Come to ours any time from midday, bbq, drinks and the kids can play - being a bottle and something to throw on the bbq, we've got the sides and rolls etc covered'.

What time do you actually expect to eat?

My AIBU is I would expect to eat around 1 but my DH reckons people would expect it to be served on arrival 🤭🤣

Most bbq's I've attended people bring stuff.

I’d rather have a grazing affair , so cook things staggered than all in one go - it seems odd when people cook everything and even keep stuff warm in the oven before eating it all together

Should your friend have bought a cheaper house for her own family so she can pay for dinners for friends instead instead?

God only knows. It depends on who brings what and what time they arrive.
if someone asked me to bring my own meat and drink, I'd stay at home and do my own BBQ and drink my own drink.

I always bring my own just to make sure that I have something that I like so this request wouldn’t bother me at all.
I’d expect to eat about 1/2 hour or so after I’d arrived.
I’d bring my own wine etc too, if I didn’t have to drive. These kind of things are expensive and if you’re having lots of people, it can cost a fortune.
I’d never turn up at anyone’s house without at least a bottle of wine, if I were planning to drink.
cost of living is too high now; but it’s still nice to see friends and family.

Bring and share are the best parties, IME. I like it when everyone brings a different salad too. Can take or leave the meat but homemade coleslaw, potato salad, couscous, Greek salad etc to die for!

To answer your question, the BBQ will be lit at 12, ready for 12.30, first food ready 1pm or later.

I agree people would normally bring something but the invite is worded as though you have to bring all your own meat. Normally the hosts would provide some and everyone's offerings would be top ups.

I'd expect food to be cooked ready to eat by 1ish then the bbq to be on until everyone's had enough.

I’d say about 2pm. If it’s from 12 then people might not even turn up until 12.30pm. I’d expect a drink and chat first before chucking food on bbq.

I’d probably expect 2-3pm for a bbq myself. Certainly not on arrival.

This

Food at 1 at the earliest

I would expect to eat at some point in the afternoon after socialising for a bit, not straight away and would not mind bringing my own stuff at all 😊

BYO is the norm with us if it's more than one family we're inviting over, and to be fair, even if it is just one family they never turn up empty handed even when we tell them we've got it covered. IMO it's rude to turn up empty handed to a BBQ.
I'd have snacky bits ready for the kids straight away, maybe kept out of sight in hope that they wait til the BBQ, and have salads and sides ready to dish out when the BBQ got put on, but we'd have a few drinks and chat for a while before putting it on so 2-3ish before food was brought out.

maddiemookins16mum

The BBQ should be warming up from about 12.30 and eating within the next 45 mins to an hour. Ice creams at 3. Everyone gone by 4pm.

Gone by 4pm?? Seriously 😳 it's supposed to be a social event surely? That's just odd

You're have no a laugh! Got be by 4pm!

Please never invite me! We crack on until
Late!

I would expect lots of booze to be provided and for food to start around 3. Would be the case with my friends.

I'd have a sandwich or something before I arrived at about 13:30. Wouldn't expect to eat anything there but bring a bottle or whatever. Leave after a couple of hours.
Sitting around in someone's garden whilst a man (inevitably) burns a load of cheap processed meat would stretch my patience.

If I issued an invite like this, one friend would turn up at midday and the rest more like 1.30pm. Everyone would pile in, and scatter food and drink all over the kitchen that I had been cleaning all morning, and then go and chat. I would have opened a bottle at midday so hopefully would have already prepped sides as would probably already be tipsy. The mains would probably get going about 3pm and would be ongoing for the next couple of hours. Everyone would stay til mid to late evening depending on how het up they are about kids bedtimes, by which time I will be happily sozzled and eating cold bits of unidentifiable meat.

But I take it from this thread that this is not normal!

I'd guess food being served between 1 and 2

Bring a bottle is fine but why do they have to bring their own meat!? That’s very strange

Another who thinks it is perfectly normal to have bring and share events.
I do find the attitude (I have only ever come across on MN) that you should only be able to invite people to anything if you are wealthy enough to provide everything really strange.

But, back to the OP, I would expect this to be a sort of ongoing, casual affair during the afternoon. It says "Arrive any time from 12" so not many will get there at 12, then there are general greetings before handing over the food/ sorting it out etc.
I wouldn't expect to be eating by 1pm necessarily but nor would I expect a time when everyone eats.

Should your friend have bought a cheaper house for her own family so she can pay for dinners for friends instead instead?

Don't be silly. My friend is as tight as a ducks arse, god love her. I personally wouldn't ask other people to fund a party that's held in my garden, while telling everyone how I bought a house with a big garden for the purpose of hostessing, but that's just me.

If I couldn't afford to cater a party, then I wouldn't have one.

I'd expect there to be a few nibblies on arrival and to eat the main bbq around an hour later.

To everyone being so snobby about BYO, why is it so difficult to fathom that some people and cultures have different ways of doing things. I love BYO as then I can take something I definitely like. Also, some of my friends wouldn't be able to afford to ever host and some of my family end up hosting 90% of the family parties due to space issues. BYO makes everything a bit fairer and simpler and ensures no one feels guilty about not taking their turn hosting.

the kids can play - being a bottle and something to throw on the bbq

I love this typo 😁