Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Bbq etiquette

114 replies

hashbrownsandwich · 30/07/2022 18:23

You are invited to a friends birthday bbq. Invitation states 'Come to ours any time from midday, bbq, drinks and the kids can play - being a bottle and something to throw on the bbq, we've got the sides and rolls etc covered'.

What time do you actually expect to eat?

My AIBU is I would expect to eat around 1 but my DH reckons people would expect it to be served on arrival 🤭🤣

OP posts:
MissTrip82 · 31/07/2022 02:08

ermagerdabear · 30/07/2022 22:00

Should your friend have bought a cheaper house for her own family so she can pay for dinners for friends instead instead?

Don't be silly. My friend is as tight as a ducks arse, god love her. I personally wouldn't ask other people to fund a party that's held in my garden, while telling everyone how I bought a house with a big garden for the purpose of hostessing, but that's just me.

If I couldn't afford to cater a party, then I wouldn't have one.

I personally wouldn’t write such snide nasty things about a ‘friend’. That’s just me…….

Honestly I wouldn’t expect to eat until 2pm
or so. There’d be drinks and nibbles before then.

CakeyCakeyCakeCake · 31/07/2022 02:17

SergeiL · 30/07/2022 21:03

If I issued an invite like this, one friend would turn up at midday and the rest more like 1.30pm. Everyone would pile in, and scatter food and drink all over the kitchen that I had been cleaning all morning, and then go and chat. I would have opened a bottle at midday so hopefully would have already prepped sides as would probably already be tipsy. The mains would probably get going about 3pm and would be ongoing for the next couple of hours. Everyone would stay til mid to late evening depending on how het up they are about kids bedtimes, by which time I will be happily sozzled and eating cold bits of unidentifiable meat.

But I take it from this thread that this is not normal!

We are also abroad and this is the norm for our group of friends! We love it! Most weekends are spent like this, everyone pitches in, kids disappear or swim in the pool, adults sit drinking and chatting until late. Everyone brings something and we share food. Also (shock horror!!!!) we all help tidy the host’s kitchen before we leave so no major mess is left for the host to clean up. Dishwasher gets stacked and kids put away all the toys that are strewn around. afternoons are long and generally go into the evening if people are keen.
I would happily host you SergiL 😀

RockinHorseShit · 31/07/2022 02:22

Served on arrival ... bless his optimism 😂

It sounds like an ongoing cook up, so I'd say it would depend on when he can get in the queue to cook his food/have it barbecued & help yourself to sides

StClare101 · 31/07/2022 02:29

Perfectly normal for guests to bring something to a BBQ. Probably not meat but often sides are divided up or nibbles or dessert.

Id expect nibbles on arrival and then food from one pm ish…. Then more food at three as children are scavengers!

SergeiL · 31/07/2022 12:34

@CakeyCakeyCakeCake 👍😀

Youdoyoutoday · 31/07/2022 12:41

Bringing stuff is normal especially when it's stated with invite!
My friend was once asked for a £5 contribution before starting to eat at a bbq!! That is beyond rude!! 😲

I'd expect people will eat from 1pm onwards

Brented · 31/07/2022 12:42

I wouldn’t expect to eat until around two, but with the bbq and drinks going on all afternoon and people helping themselves. I don’t think bringing a bottle and some meat is rude. Usually the host has drinks, bbq food, sides etc, then anything else is an added extra?

Maireas · 31/07/2022 12:45

What is the etiquette? You only eat what you bring, what if you want extra, or don't eat everything?
What if people bring different quality of produce, do you have to keep your eye on your own stuff?
Am I over thinking this?

TheSandgroper · 31/07/2022 12:49

BYO meat sounds like it’s being run by Australians. Sounds normal to me.

VladmirsPoutine · 31/07/2022 13:04

Why don't you text to ask?
Having said that BYO as in steaks and whatever else is pushing the limits of CF in my view. Bringing your own bottle though to be expected.

Begoniasforever · 31/07/2022 13:08

How can something be served on arrival when the Guest has to bring the food to cook and how can it be served at 1 as again it depends who turns up when, how many, what needs cooking and what space is on the bbq.

SherbertLemonDrop · 31/07/2022 13:09

You should probably provide the food if you are inviting people round for a bbq..... It is normal for people to bring a bottle but not cater the whole thing and you buy rolls and salad.

SherbertLemonDrop · 31/07/2022 13:12

Imagine having to wait for the person who brought burgers to turn up to have a burger 😳

SherbertLemonDrop · 31/07/2022 13:12

OR everyone bringing the same thing

MrsPelligrinoPetrichor · 31/07/2022 13:12

PlaygroupWoe · 30/07/2022 19:23

BYO is standard procedure in a South African braai. Host does all the salads and sides, guests bring dop and tjop. (Drinks and chops!)

Was just about to say the same 😂

Rainbowshit · 31/07/2022 13:13

BBQs are quite frequently BYO where I'm from.

I would expect BBQ to be lit at 12/12.30 and eating to be from about 1pm onwards.

I certainly would not be ready or expecting to eat the minute we arrived.

MissedItByThisMuch · 31/07/2022 13:15

BYO meat is perfectly normal in Australia.

CloudPop · 31/07/2022 13:31

Eat before you go and get there mid afternoon. Take a pack of sausages.

Ski4130 · 31/07/2022 13:34

ouch321 · 30/07/2022 18:33

You're expected to bring your own burgers etc?

That's weird and poor hosting.

It’s how every single BBQ I’ve ever been to, in two different hemispheres has been, no poor hosting about!

User354354 · 31/07/2022 13:37

Honestly I have would have no idea how much to bring or what the etiquette would be. I've never received such an odd invite.

Begoniasforever · 31/07/2022 13:40

do find the attitude (I have only ever come across on MN) that you should only be able to invite people to anything if you are wealthy enough to provide everything really strange

I understand you went for hyperbole there but no one said anything like this that everything should be provided. In the grand scheme of things declaring someone to have to be “wealthy“ to be able to provide a few burgers is quite odd. Or your definition of wealthy is different to everyone else’s

FreezyFreezy · 31/07/2022 13:42

Usually, when we have BBQs, we tell people to bring anything they want and then provide some basic bits too, such as burgers, sausages, steaks, and things on kebab skewers, as well as the bread, sauces, and salad. We'd set that off cooking at lunch time so, according to your timing op, it'd be ready by around 1. People can bring what they like if they want something specific.

We're all skint in our circle though so if we have a get-together we have to share the cost or else none of us would be able to afford it.

Dinoteeth · 31/07/2022 13:45

I'd assume the BBQ would be lit around 12.30 with food 1.30.

BYO makes a lot of sense but I don't know how you keep track of who's is who's !

ShirleyPhallus · 31/07/2022 13:48

I think it’s perfectly normal to bring a bottle and some kind of food donation to a bbq!

sunsetsandsandybeaches · 31/07/2022 13:50

SherbertLemonDrop · 31/07/2022 13:12

Imagine having to wait for the person who brought burgers to turn up to have a burger 😳

Or bring your own burgers if that's what you'll be wanting?