To not go on holiday as it's too much stress/effort

[ParkLife232]

I would love to have a little holiday with dh and dc (ideally), just a couple of nights away not too far in the UK but we've decided it's just too difficult. We've got a lively son who's just turned 4 and an equally lively little girl who's just turned one. Life can be exhausting just doing day to day stuff, let alone a holiday. We've only been away for 1 night within an hour of home as a family of 4 and even that was stressful.

How do others parents make holidaying look so easy? Is the stress of going on holiday actually worth it.

I know where you're coming from. If you can afford it I'd go for a week because just going for a couple of nights you won't feel the benefit. I'd go for a three bed caravan so the kids don't disturb each other. Haven sites are good as they have toddler discos, swimming pools, so you can tire them out so hopefully they'll sleep well and what we would do when kids were in bed is order a pizza and we'd watch a dvd we'd taken with us and have a drink in the caravan.

Actually YANBU. Holidays are not for everyone and they can be hugely stressful and overwhelming. The 'I don't understand why it's stressful' and 'I always enjoyed it' comments are not helpful at all, these posters are just here to put you down for daring to raise the fact that you find certain situations difficult. Some people have no real thinking skills though, so it might not be intentional. Either way it's not helpful when you post saying you find something hard for others to act as if you are wrong for feeling that way. I find holidays massively stressful. When the DC were younger I always took them because I thought that's what you were supposed to do, probably spurred on by the type of comments I mentioned here, but in real life. Turns out you actually don't have to pack up your shit and turn your lives upside down for a weekend/week if you don't want to. It's no reflection of your parenting. If you do want to though, there are ways to help you manage things. I find the organisation at home very difficult, so lists are crucial. Then adjusting the DC (my autistic DS was a nightmare for about 12 years in his usual surroundings never mind on holiday) that was hard. Basically it was a holiday for the DC, not the adults. I am very fortunate that DH was fully involved and we used to separate and take a kid each (when we only had the 2) because one on one worked better for DS. I could go on but basically what I'm saying is IF you want to holiday then you can find a way it works for you - I do think a longer break would be helpful, but if not, you don't have to.

A lively kid? You mean a little monster probably right 😳
I wouldnt wanna be taking him on a holiday either. Too much effort too little reward.

I don’t understand what you’re imagining is going to be so stressful?

We love a UK holiday park with a pool and a bit of entertainment. Usually around £200 for a long weekend and we take the kids' Auntie and grandparents who love spending time with them. Beach one day, pool the next. Kids disco in the evening. The 5 year old has been having 'sleepovers' with her Auntie on holiday since she was 3 which they both love so we get a lie in! If you have family willing to come with you (their choice, they love it too) it's a lot easier.

@Marvellousmadness tbf my son does have adhd so it does present as extra challenge for us.

I quite often hate them at the time as they are so stressful, but do look back fondly once they are over. And the kids love them, which is why I do them.

Agree with pp, packing and planning for 2 nights is just as much work as going for 7. So go for longer, hopefully you will settle into it and have a decent few days in the middle.

An all inclusive somewhere warm with a pool is all you really need with a toddler surely? Mine loves different foods but there's always options of beige stuff and all the swimming tires them out!

I agree it's stressful! Travelling with a baby and toddler IS stressful - the packing, standing in queues, long car/plane journeys where they have to sit in one place are a nightmare. Then you get there and as pp have said, you pretty much have to do your usual stuff like parks, soft play and child-friendly stuff but somewhere else. So you're paying hundreds of pounds, if not thousands, to do exactly the same as you could do at home. What's the point?? DH has taken a couple of weeks off over the summer. We've booked several day trips to theme parks, museums and child-friendly events all within an hour or so's drive from our house. Plus we can have a night or two to ourselves since being at home means we can get one of our parents to babysit. We are saving for some decent holidays when our DC are old enough to appreciate it but at this stage we both agree it is absolutely not worth it.

Sounds like Knoll House in Dorset which is the only relaxing holiday I ever had when mine were little. Sadly prohibitively expensive in school holidays else we'd still be going there.
I hear you OP. I find holidays v v stressful as it's just same shit different place, plus my autistic child really struggles away from home. It's getting easier as they get older but even then.

I really don't understand why holidaying with small children is stressful but there's so many threads on here about it regularly so obviously you're not alone. Possibly just down to personality, expectations, individual kids, location etc

I honestly live for holidays, even more so with our children now we have them. There's nothing makes me happier. I find it so much easier than parenting at home (which can be stressful) as both parents are available, no work, nicer weather, activities and things to see and do. It's parenting but a million times better as it's just all the fun stuff and you don't have to worry about bedtimes or nursery runs.

We had a few with DS abroad before Covid hit, then we had DD and so far we've done:

Static Caravan park in the Lakes (DS 3 and DD 5mths). Lovely holiday, we did the zoo, Peter Rabbit world, the Aquarium, boating on the lake, steam railway, swimming every day. Was the perfect week away for a first holiday with two kids.

Menorca (DS 3 and DD 7mths). Absolutely loved this, did the kids disco every night so kids slept great and slept in every night. All inclusive so they tried so many new foods, lovely chilled days round the pool or walking to the beach. DS made friends who were still in touch with.

CenterParcs (DS 4th Birthday and DD 10mths). Went for Winter Wonderland, did horse and carriage ride, loads of activities, swimming, walking. This was absolutely magical. The best Christmas experience ever.

Disneyland Paris (DS 4 and DD 15mths) It's Disney....what's not to love! Both children had the best time of their lives, absolutely loves the rides, characters and shows. Even stayed up until midnight and watched the fireworks.

Next month we're going to Salou (DS 4 and DD 18mths). Again, swimming, kids discos, trips to Barcelona to the Aquarium and parks.

I'm sure these holidays sound like some people's worst nightmares BUT if you plan with the kids in mind then you should have a good time. Hopefully that might give you some ideas 💡

@MaryShelley1818 - was either of your children a runner?

To be fair I think Covid saved us from the worst of it with DS, he turned 2 on his last holiday which was 3mths before lockdown. Disneyland Paris was perfect though as he was either in the buggy walking between places or on Daddy's shoulders or on rides/attractions so always kept busy. He categorically refused to wear reigns.

DD is a different character, walking since 9mths and always running or climbing. Fully expecting this holiday next month to be more of a challenge with her. She can't run away in the pool though, will go in the buggy when we're walking, and pretty safe on a beach as long as she can bury DS and dig in sand. Will just have to plan our activities a bit more carefully this trip.

@MaryShelley1818 . Your holidays sound lovely but they wouldn't have been a rest with my DC between around 11 months (when DC started walking) and 3.5 (when DC actually developed some sense of danger and self-preservation) because until then I'd spend the whole time calculating the distance between DC and the nearest potentially fatal hazard (water, road, steep stairs) and whether I could outrun DC. The only places which were actually enjoyable for us were those with enclosed play areas or kids clubs.

Then you get there and as pp have said, you pretty much have to do your usual stuff like parks, soft play and child-friendly stuff but somewhere else. So you're paying hundreds of pounds, if not thousands, to do exactly the same as you could do at home. What's the point??
That's not what we do on holiday. We do the usual things we want to do on holiday; visit museums, castles, other sites, wander round pretty towns, spend some time around the pool, eat out.

We take more breaks at cafes in the day and eat earlier in the evening than we would have done before DC and we do find local parks and pmaygrounds we wouldnt otherwise have viaited but we haven't changed the fundamental nature of a holiday or the type of destination. Holidays are for all of us, not just DC.

We just have one DC and went on our first holiday when he was 2 and a half. We went to Vilamoura in Portugal and it was amazing. I think we went for 10 days. Yes - the packing was stressful with so much to pack for him, but everything was perfect. We flew from our local airport and there's no time difference with Portugal, so his routines weren't thrown. Vilamoura is only 20/25 minutes from Faro Airport, so it was all very simple. We had a lovely hotel with a super pool and kids area. Our DS loved breakfast in the hotel and we always ate out in the evenings, so it was a holiday for us too. He loved being by the pool and on the beach building sandcastles and paddling. DH would take him for walks and there were a few little rides dotted around (and a toy shop!). We went to ZooMarine, a waterpark and on a boat trip. We bought a trunki, which he loved, and it was easy to move around the airport with him riding on his trunki! He had a little rucksack, so whenever we went out he could take it and put in a few little toys/games/cars to occupy him. Obviously, holidaying with children is very different, but we had a brilliant time and it was much better than I imagined it would be and not too much hard work. We all felt like we'd had a break, so I would definitely consider going overseas.

I've always done holidays. Just UK ones but camping (probably not for you!) Or caravan holidays.

Don't miss out on the opportunity to do things outside of school holidays or you may regret it.

Four nights midweek at a haven type place in September will be really cheap.

Perhaps you need to reframe what you think if as holiday! They are not lying on a beach reading a book when you have toddlers! But seeing them do new things is great.

Somewhere with a pool and a bit of soft play and a nice beach on the doorstep is great.

Packing stuff is easy once you've done it a few times . I have the refillable bottles you pick up dead cheap in home bargains for washing up liquid, Dettol, kitchen stuff and it just lives together with tea bags, coffee etc so self catering is easy

Phishy - the often typical man thing of having no clue of the absolutely immense scope of things that need done for holiday prep ( and day to day life with a family for that matter). Then doing one thing to contribute then expecting a medal 😏Every time I do an exchange I say it's the last - the one time I had to strip all beds and remake up 8 beds for the large amount of people who were coming to swap, it took me 1.5 to do that alone - it nearly ended me 😩 in currently on a 2 week roadtrip with my family- love them dearly but if weale.it all home in one piece it'll be a miracle 😆 easy it ain't, but you it's definitely character building

When DD was little we stayed in caravan parks, different ones each time to go to a new area. We stayed in a nice chalet or caravan. You have more space than a hotel room, freedom to do what you want meal wise, ie cook if you want to or not.

We always used the onsite facilities such as playground, swimming pool etc, crazy golf, childrens entertainment etc. It was perfect when DD was little and we also had day trips out to beaches/local attractions/castles etc. We liked to visit aquariums and places like that, stuff that we don't have nearby to where we live.

We went for 7 nights which made it worthwhile for all the packing.

I knew when this thread started that it would attract the “well I always enjoyed it” and “I never had a problem travelling with kids” and “I just don’t understand how anyone can find this stressful” crowd. Any opportunity to feel superior and try and belittle someone else. Guess what? We’re all different. Our kids are all different. We all parent differently. We all have different stressors in our daily lives to begin with. We have different support available. We have different financial situations. Just because you find it easy, doesn’t mean someone else is lacking because they don’t. And just because someone may not enjoy travelling with small children, that doesn’t mean they don’t adore their kids and love being a parent.

OP, I'm right there with you. I would take no persuasion whatsoever to just not bother going away for so many reasons. I find the packing stressful and very time-consuming. Driving there in a hot car with tired DC, traffic jams and unfamiliar roads is unpleasant. When our kids are out of routine they tend to wake earlier, refuse to nap and take hours on end to fall asleep at night. I find they have more tantrums away from home because there is less routine, more sugar and more excitement to contend with.

To all of the posters busy slevering that they couldn't possibly wrap their minds around anyone finding holidays with young children difficult, use some imagination.

The travelling part can be quite stressful, but it’s also stressful with teens!

i Have taken my kids abroad at least once a year since they were babies (I’ve always been a single mum- they are grown up now).

yes it’s a little stressful but defo no difference to having difficult kids at home? And as there are two adults and two kids, I have to say I think you might be overthinking it; two kids and two parents shouldn’t be too stressful?

We were OK when our kiddo was age 2 and 3 for holidays, very routine orientated and he was a fairly quiet contented boy. We did 2 UK holidays at those ages, one a caravan and the other a lodge. All fine.

Then we went abroad when he was 4 and it was hard. The 3 of us struggled with sensory overload and it was so stressful. He'd take hours to fall asleep and we were all in a hotel room together. Never again - if we get away it will be a villa/lodge/caravan.

Me and DH both currently on waiting list to be assessed for Autism and ADHD so could have something to do with it.

Plenty people struggle, all people and families are different. You'll probably find certain ages where it feels easier depending on your kids. I find it harder year by year now but DS' behaviour is tough to handle at times.

My oldest (the one fascinated by the service station ants) is autistic, not that we knew that at the time. He is hard work - tho much less so as he gets older. I assure you that he was a million times harder work when he was in unfamiliar surroundings, different routines, different food, subject to unexpected situations like traffic jams or attraction closures or sudden noises and too hot/tired/hungry. Even now he’s older he’s anxious when away from home (he enjoys holidays but definitely anxious at the same time) and needs much more input from me than when we’re at home.

My stress was nothing at all to do with booking stuff and packing a suitcase and remembering sun cream (that’s easy for me) - it was having a child who was not sleeping, not eating properly and fundamentally just not happy. And then that child plus a baby who didn’t much like change in routine either. I’d love to have been one of those parents wandering around a gallery with my toddler in the pram looking at the pictures or making a pretty sandcastle on the beach with my hat wearing preschooler. But I was the one consoling the distraught small child who didn’t like sand. Or trying to ignore the stares while I attempted to make him wear a sun hat. Or jiggling the red faced screaming infant while trying to shovel down a meal in two seconds flat. I find my children being unhappy stressful.

And I had a very supportive DH - even if we just had one each it wasn’t fun.

If I only had my NT youngest I might have felt differently- but that’s the thing, everyone has different situations, families, personalities etc and you have to do the best you can with what you have. Sometimes that’s a staycation.

The sheer lack of imagination on this thread….

We did a lot of center Parcs breaks pre school. Worked pretty well. Now they are school age I wouldn’t dream of it as it’s far too expensive in the school holidays.