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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to want a proper apology for dh breaking my phone

70 replies

ParkLife232 · 29/07/2022 16:55

We went to a farm with our dc earlier today and I'd been taking photos on my phone which I then put at the top of the pram in the hood bit. We were going through a maze at the time and dh took over pushing the pram. I then said (thinking out loud), 'oh I need to put the pram hood over dd' (as the sun came out at that moment). I went to move forwards to do it but dh quickly pushed the hood over so fast, my phone shot off and smashed on the path. Now of course, he didn't know the phone was there and I didn't know he would have pushed the hood forward so quickly when I was just about to do it, it was an accident. However, if I'd done that to his phone, I would still have been apologetic.
Not dh. His first words were, that's a stupid place to put a phone, followed by, 'sorry, but that's not my fault you put it there'.
Why could he not just say, I'm really sorry, I didn't see you'd put it there or something like that. I know it wasn't his fault but he's given me such an offish, couldn't care less reaction. We had had an argument over something before at home and I wonder if being unapologetic was his retaliation for that. And now I'm going to have to pay for a new phone as it's so badly smashed and damaged to repair and we're having to really budget this summer holiday as it is. Oh, I did have a protective phone case on it but unfortunately that did nothing.

AIBU to be a bit upset about the lack of apology from dh?

OP posts:
TestingTestingWonTooFree · 29/07/2022 16:57

It was a stupid place to leave your phone. I probably would have apologised in his place, but the phone would still be broken.

JustLyra · 29/07/2022 16:57

Yeah, that’s not on. You apologise when you break something of someone else’s.

I wouldn’t expect him to be begging for forgiveness because he didn’t know it was there, but basic manners should see an apology forthcoming.

We had had an argument over something before at home and I wonder if being unapologetic was his retaliation for that

Thats quite a big issue if that is the case.

EverythingHeadinSouth · 29/07/2022 16:58

It was a stupid place to put your phone. Maybe he was off because he'd realised quickly that one way or another this was costing family money you can ill afford and could easily have been avoided. I think you are focusing on the wrong thing here to be perfectly honest and looking for something to distract you from your own mistake.

Tothemoonandbackx · 29/07/2022 16:59

I get what you mean, you know it wasn't his fault, you've already accepted that, but if I had done it, I still would have been apologetic about it, it doesn't take much to say, "I'm sorry, I didn't realise it was there", it wouldnt have changed anything, but it would have been an acknowledgment at least.

Aprilx · 29/07/2022 17:00

He could have showed some sympathy for your broken phone, but I don’t think he needed to apologise. It was absolutely your fault, you put it there and you said the pram hood needed to go up. Quite how it is his fault is beyond me.

SweatyLaBetty · 29/07/2022 17:01

DH is forever breaking my favourite glass/mug/plate - he is so heavy handed!

I used to get so annoyed and want an apology (because it's just nice to apologise, right? I would) but it's happened so often, he now approaches me with a 'I've done it again' face...and says "Sweaty...we've lost another..."

Greensleeves · 29/07/2022 17:01

He is at fault for breaking the phone, tbh, as well as for his childish fragile-male-ego response. If he hadn't been falling over himself to take over and just let you do it yourself, it wouldn't have happened.

Of course he should apologise and suddenly transmogrify himself into a decent functioning adult who owns his own shit and doesn't whine. I wouldn't hold your breath, though.

lionsmane22 · 29/07/2022 17:02

His first words were, that's a stupid place to put a phone, followed by, 'sorry, but that's not my fault you put it there'

You put your phone in a stupid place, and then you basically told him to put the hood over the baby...it was entirely yor fault that your phone got smashed and he doesn't need to apologise to you.

You're mad at yourself and taking it out on him

Tothemoonandbackx · 29/07/2022 17:02

And I've put my phone there before as it makes like a little pocket, theres loads of people out the who have done it, so it's not as stupid as others are making out
I've also put bottles/cans of pop there, DD's shoes, hats gloves, etc.

Original poster
ParkLife232 · 29/07/2022 17:02

I totally accept it wasn't his fault and it wasn't a good place for me to put it but the unapologetic, offish way he reacted wasn't right either I don't tgink. It's not like he'll be paying for a new phone, it's my responsibility/money but I think a bit of a softer tone would have been nice.

OP posts:
lionsmane22 · 29/07/2022 17:03

You're mad at him for not apologising for something you know is not his fault?
That's crazy.

Tothemoonandbackx · 29/07/2022 17:04

And I think there's some people on here that haven't actually read your full status before replying, it doesn't take much really.

Original poster
ParkLife232 · 29/07/2022 17:04

lionsmane22 · 29/07/2022 17:02

His first words were, that's a stupid place to put a phone, followed by, 'sorry, but that's not my fault you put it there'

You put your phone in a stupid place, and then you basically told him to put the hood over the baby...it was entirely yor fault that your phone got smashed and he doesn't need to apologise to you.

You're mad at yourself and taking it out on him

I didn't actually ask him to do it. I went to do it myself but stupidly said aloud, oh I need to put the hood over dd so he heard me. In my head, I was going to do it. Of course, that's not his fault either. It was an accident.

OP posts:
Lou98 · 29/07/2022 17:06

Sorry but I do think YABU. Personally I would have said a quick sorry in his position but I quite often put my phone on the hood of the pram and if that had happened with me I would fully accept it was my fault for leaving it there when my Partner took over pushing the pram.

He was the one pushing so it makes sense when you said that you needed to put the hood over that he would do it. If I was pushing our pram I would assume that's what you meant. You've said yourself he didn't know the phone was there and even though I do it myself, it is a risky place to leave it. It could fall out at any point.

An apology would have been normal but this was your fault and entirely preventable

Original poster
ParkLife232 · 29/07/2022 17:07

SweatyLaBetty · 29/07/2022 17:01

DH is forever breaking my favourite glass/mug/plate - he is so heavy handed!

I used to get so annoyed and want an apology (because it's just nice to apologise, right? I would) but it's happened so often, he now approaches me with a 'I've done it again' face...and says "Sweaty...we've lost another..."

@SweatyLaBetty yes, this! My dh is like a bull in a china shop with things so his quick response didn't surprise me in that way.

OP posts:
Bubblebubblebah · 29/07/2022 17:07

He had a pram, he did the hood.
I am with him unfortunately. Not good place to put your phone and in this case I would also not be applogetic

SweatyLaBetty · 29/07/2022 17:08

lionsmane22 · 29/07/2022 17:03

You're mad at him for not apologising for something you know is not his fault?
That's crazy.

I think it's more nuanced than that.

It's like, (when DH breaks something) even though it's not his fault/an accident, I'd like a shared 'oh noooo, that's so crap' along with an acknowledgement that they care as to what's happened... not necessarily an apology in the strict sense of blame, but a shared mourning of broken item!

SillySausage81 · 29/07/2022 17:08

The immediate defensiveness and lack of any sympathy would really grate on me too. Like you said, even though it wasn't his fault, a bit of sympathy is just normal when someone you love breaks something that's valuable to them. What's he normally like when he actually is in the wrong? Because tbh if this is just a one-off I'd let it slide, whereas if it's part of a pattern of never being able to be wrong then it might need addressing before you send yourself mad.

Rowen32 · 29/07/2022 17:08

No, if anything I'd be mad at you for putting it there and then expecting me to take responsibility when I was also trying to help by putting the hood forward.

lionsmane22 · 29/07/2022 17:09

Perhaps he is defensive because OP demand apologies from him for accidents she causes? Id be defensive too. She's so huffy about it she's posting here....no wonder he's defensive!!

Original poster
ParkLife232 · 29/07/2022 17:10

I know it's not his fault. I've said that several times and in my op but if I'd done it to his phone, I would have offered just a little compassion.

OP posts:
luxxlisbon · 29/07/2022 17:10

It sounds like he is being defensive because he thinks you blame him.

At the end of the day it was your fault so I don’t really know why an apology would make you feel better.

Aprilx · 29/07/2022 17:11

ParkLife232 · 29/07/2022 17:02

I totally accept it wasn't his fault and it wasn't a good place for me to put it but the unapologetic, offish way he reacted wasn't right either I don't tgink. It's not like he'll be paying for a new phone, it's my responsibility/money but I think a bit of a softer tone would have been nice.

Well I’d not understand you then. You started a thread complaining that you didn’t get a “proper apology”. Why should anybody apologise for something that is not their fault. I can understand you wanting some sympathy, apology no.

MsFrenchie · 29/07/2022 17:13

Greensleeves · 29/07/2022 17:01

He is at fault for breaking the phone, tbh, as well as for his childish fragile-male-ego response. If he hadn't been falling over himself to take over and just let you do it yourself, it wouldn't have happened.

Of course he should apologise and suddenly transmogrify himself into a decent functioning adult who owns his own shit and doesn't whine. I wouldn't hold your breath, though.

This site is amazing sometimes. OP was fully responsible for this but as her partner is a man not only was he wrong, but he’s neither decent nor a fully-functioning adult.

girlmom21 · 29/07/2022 17:13

I think it depends what the previous argument was about and whether he thought you were gonna kick off as a follow on from that argument - like if he'd broke something of yours earlier in the day then you'd lost your shit and he was saying this one wasn't his fault

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