Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to want a proper apology for dh breaking my phone

70 replies

ParkLife232 · 29/07/2022 16:55

We went to a farm with our dc earlier today and I'd been taking photos on my phone which I then put at the top of the pram in the hood bit. We were going through a maze at the time and dh took over pushing the pram. I then said (thinking out loud), 'oh I need to put the pram hood over dd' (as the sun came out at that moment). I went to move forwards to do it but dh quickly pushed the hood over so fast, my phone shot off and smashed on the path. Now of course, he didn't know the phone was there and I didn't know he would have pushed the hood forward so quickly when I was just about to do it, it was an accident. However, if I'd done that to his phone, I would still have been apologetic.
Not dh. His first words were, that's a stupid place to put a phone, followed by, 'sorry, but that's not my fault you put it there'.
Why could he not just say, I'm really sorry, I didn't see you'd put it there or something like that. I know it wasn't his fault but he's given me such an offish, couldn't care less reaction. We had had an argument over something before at home and I wonder if being unapologetic was his retaliation for that. And now I'm going to have to pay for a new phone as it's so badly smashed and damaged to repair and we're having to really budget this summer holiday as it is. Oh, I did have a protective phone case on it but unfortunately that did nothing.

AIBU to be a bit upset about the lack of apology from dh?

OP posts:
TibetanTerrah · 29/07/2022 17:13

What people are missing is his attitude here, and the mention that it's likely he's "retailiating" because of their argument earlier. If he has form for this then the problems run much deeper.

lionsmane22 · 29/07/2022 17:13

ParkLife232 · 29/07/2022 17:10

I know it's not his fault. I've said that several times and in my op but if I'd done it to his phone, I would have offered just a little compassion.

You didn't want compassion. You wanted a "proper apology" from him, for something he didn't do!
Can you really not see the problem here? You owe him an apology now

Lou98 · 29/07/2022 17:15

Greensleeves · 29/07/2022 17:01

He is at fault for breaking the phone, tbh, as well as for his childish fragile-male-ego response. If he hadn't been falling over himself to take over and just let you do it yourself, it wouldn't have happened.

Of course he should apologise and suddenly transmogrify himself into a decent functioning adult who owns his own shit and doesn't whine. I wouldn't hold your breath, though.

Give over. Falling over himself to take over? He was the one pushing the pram, obviously he would put the hood over.

Must be at fault because he's the man🙄

ClumpingBambooIsALie · 29/07/2022 17:15

He was mean and defensive about it. He wasn't at fault, you were, but something of yours got damaged and he didn't have to be a dick about it.

If I trod on DP's fingers because he put them somewhere stupid, I wouldn't immediately launch into telling him what a stupid place he'd put his fingers, I'd check he was okay and make sure he knew I was sorry that he got hurt. Then we might joke about how daft he was for putting them somewhere I could inadvertently hurt them.

MsFrenchie · 29/07/2022 17:16

ParkLife232 · 29/07/2022 17:10

I know it's not his fault. I've said that several times and in my op but if I'd done it to his phone, I would have offered just a little compassion.

The fact that you don’t need to though may explain why he feels more exasperated than apologetic.

If he’s someone who’s more careful with his things but this isn’t the first time you’ve been careless it could account for it.

How apologetic were you this time for being so careless?

Topseyt123 · 29/07/2022 17:17

It was an utterly ridiculous place to put your phone. You know that.

Perhaps he could have been a little less harsh, but I understand what he meant. He wasn't wrong really.

You'll not make that mistake again.

DDivaStar · 29/07/2022 17:19

You need to look after your stuff. He was pushing the pram and had no idea your phone was there. When you stopped pushing the pram you should have put your phone somewhere else safe.

TheLionTheWitchAndTheChesterDraws · 29/07/2022 17:19

I think it speaks volumes about the dynamics of a relationship. Where’s the niceness? A better way for it to have gone was if he’d said sorry and that he hadn’t seen the phone there, while you tell him it was your fault for putting it there and it can’t be helped. That way, you feel like he genuinely regrets the phone getting broken and he doesn’t feel like you’re blaming him for it.

MsFrenchie · 29/07/2022 17:19

ParkLife232 · 29/07/2022 17:10

I know it's not his fault. I've said that several times and in my op but if I'd done it to his phone, I would have offered just a little compassion.

Your thread title says that you want a proper apology for him braking your phone, so that’s quite the reverse-ferret that you are pulling now.

ClumpingBambooIsALie · 29/07/2022 17:25

TheLionTheWitchAndTheChesterDraws · 29/07/2022 17:19

I think it speaks volumes about the dynamics of a relationship. Where’s the niceness? A better way for it to have gone was if he’d said sorry and that he hadn’t seen the phone there, while you tell him it was your fault for putting it there and it can’t be helped. That way, you feel like he genuinely regrets the phone getting broken and he doesn’t feel like you’re blaming him for it.

Exactly — this is the way it works here. It's not about who's technically right and correctly divvying up blame and making sure that you get your defence in as fast as possible.

Though I guess it's possible the DH feels he has to jump in straight away with why it's not his fault, because OP has a history of blaming him and expecting him to apologise for things that aren't his fault.

Either way they seem to be on edge with one another (which makes sense if they argued earlier, but it's a shame to let arguments drag on and rankle like that).

Smokealarmwakeup · 29/07/2022 17:26

It was a complete accident on his part, you apologise for accidents.

ILoveAllRainbowsx · 29/07/2022 17:27

Did you have a screen protector on it or just a protective case? I have a screen protector and have a few cracks on the protector but they do not affect the use of the phone.

Original poster
ParkLife232 · 29/07/2022 17:29

If it was someone else, I can guarantee, he would of said sorry. It's just polite isn't it. Or at the very least, he didn't have to sound like a dick.

OP posts:
HangOnToYourself · 29/07/2022 17:30

Off topic but do you have contents insurance? Might be cheaper than buying a new phone

Sirzy · 29/07/2022 17:32

Sounds like your annoyed at yourself and your taking it out on him. Accidents happen it’s really not worth arguing over

Original poster
ParkLife232 · 29/07/2022 17:32

TibetanTerrah · 29/07/2022 17:13

What people are missing is his attitude here, and the mention that it's likely he's "retailiating" because of their argument earlier. If he has form for this then the problems run much deeper.

@TibetanTerrah this is the problem I think.

OP posts:
Imthedamnfoolwhoshothim · 29/07/2022 17:32

ParkLife232 · 29/07/2022 17:29

If it was someone else, I can guarantee, he would of said sorry. It's just polite isn't it. Or at the very least, he didn't have to sound like a dick.

Maybe he feels you were a bit of a bitch about it all and so was on the defennsive. I don't see why he'd apologise.

ClumpingBambooIsALie · 29/07/2022 17:33

I don't think it's totally weird that OP would have liked an apology either — in my social circle, it's normal to say sorry when you've done something that's resulted in harm to another person or damage to their property, even if it wasn't your fault at all and they're entirely to blame for the circumstances that led to it.

It's also normal for the injured party to insist that no, it was entirely their own fault, no need to apologise.

I know it seems weird for the injured-but-to-blame party to feel they'd like an apology when everyone knows it wasn't the fault of the person who directly caused the damage, and when any apology would likely be answered with protestations of "Not to worry, it wasn't your fault".

But the apology itself is part of the general lubrication of relationships we all do with one another, and lets everyone feel better about the whole thing.

PlantSpider · 29/07/2022 17:33

Well it wasn’t his fault but I can see why this sort of stuff speaks to the dynamic of a relationship. It’s rarely about one specific incident but the ongoing narrative. For me this sort of thing would upset me as you hope being in a partnership would make crappy times and events (big or small) better, but sometimes in a relationship it can be the opposite; one or both partners get
defensive or annoyed and a problem
shared instead becomes a problem doubled.

MsFrenchie · 29/07/2022 17:34

ParkLife232 · 29/07/2022 17:29

If it was someone else, I can guarantee, he would of said sorry. It's just polite isn't it. Or at the very least, he didn't have to sound like a dick.

I feel very sorry for him at this point. You messed up, but expect him to give a more fulsome apology.

Going by standard Mumsnet operating procedure, I think he needs to leave you.

brighterthanaluckypenny · 29/07/2022 17:45

I'd be cross too.

Might have been an accident, but my ex managed to have accidents with all of my stuff and none of his. Funny that. I didn't break any of his stuff or my stuff. He didn't break any of his stuff. He broke my stuff.

It was the lack of care/respect that wound me up. Happened too often, plus he was never sorry. If something has consequences for your partner (like the hassle/cost of having to replace a phone), you should care about that and show some damn empathy. He always shrugged it off within seconds, and I had to live with the consequences. I still miss some of my favourite things that he broke by accident. :(

Anyway, he's an ex, so you can work out my view on whether it's OK for men to trash your stuff and be automatically defensive and huffy about it, rather than express empathy and compassion. In this case, 'I'm so sorry that happened, it's going to be a pain to get it sorted' with a hug would have made it all blow over. The huffy instinctive reaction would have annoyed me.

Butchyrestingface · 29/07/2022 17:45

I would certainly have been more sympathetic, it's a rotten thing to happen. But I don't know that this would have satisfied your desire for a "proper apology".

MeditationAndMusic · 29/07/2022 17:47

I wouldn’t have apologised but I also wouldn’t have said it’s a stupid place to put a phone when, no doubt, you were already kicking yourself.

Original poster
ParkLife232 · 29/07/2022 17:56

Maybe saying 'proper apology' wasn't the right thing to put, I think I meant, a little more compassion really.

OP posts:
MichelleScarn · 29/07/2022 17:56

MsFrenchie · 29/07/2022 17:13

This site is amazing sometimes. OP was fully responsible for this but as her partner is a man not only was he wrong, but he’s neither decent nor a fully-functioning adult.

Show quote history

Quite! And can imagine the vitriol if he'd been pushing the pram and hadn't put the hood up when mentioned by OP!!

Swipe left for the next trending thread