Page 3 | To think 3 chicken nuggets or a burger bun are not enough for dinner let alone lunch and dinner!

WatermelonWaveclub · 2022-07-28T20:06:53+00:00

Just a rant really! During school time ex-DH has our DC (15 &10) after school and gets/cooks them dinner usually chips or a frozen pizza. This is the only day he feeds them, so I don't mind them eating crap one day a week as I cook/make them healthy food the rest of the time (teen cooks one day too). So now it is the school holidays, he picks them up at 12 and takes them to the fun fair/arcades. Lovely. He brings them home at 6 and then leaves. Turns out they've not had dinner. When I question ex he says they had dinner at lunch time and I should just give them some bread! I reply - they are not ducks! 😂 Anyway, turns out DD had a Happy Meal and DS a cheeseburger without the burger (he is vegetarian) with chips and a drink. So, ok for lunch but I don't think enough for dinner. I tell ex this and he tells me all the money he spent and he can't afford to feed them twice. I just said even if you send them home with a pot noodle, it's fine but make sure they have something. Obviously, they can supplement this themselves at home with fruit and yogurt etc. My teen is good at cooking too so he could just get some cheap ingredients for him to cook even just eggs or something. Just because it is the holidays and so they need lunch too, I think he should still give them dinner too. AIBU?

Original poster

WatermelonWaveclub · 28/07/2022 23:24

EmeraldShamrock1 · 28/07/2022 23:02

Yanbu. A happy meal doesn't fill you for long.

He should have sent them full - it's one day a week he is pathetic.

He'd have bought decent ingredients and made lunch and dinner with the money he spent on McDonald's.

Did he buy himself an adult meal? 🤔

The meals were what they had chosen, to be fair. But I would have expected an afternoon snack and big dinner later.

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Original poster

WatermelonWaveclub · 28/07/2022 23:27

He has a serious mental illness which yes, makes him a bit rubbish in certain ways. He has taken what I said on board and will be giving them dinner next Thursday.

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Original poster

WatermelonWaveclub · 28/07/2022 23:30

Greensleeves · 28/07/2022 23:08

Whether or not other posters' children eat later than 6pm isn't the issue. The routine is that OP's children do eat earlier, and that their father is supposed to feed them dinner that day.

I'd have asked him whether he wasn't embarrassed to whine that he couldn't afford to feed his own children two meals in a day. It's plainly bollocks, as well. He could have made two reasonably nutritious simple meals for the price of the Macdonalds, if he could have been arsed. Not to mention blowing money on arcade machines and crap. What an utter deadbeat.

Thank you for understanding! It was ridiculous him claiming he couldn't afford to feed them. He told me just to give them some bread, well presumably he could have afforded some bread to feed them!

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Original poster

WatermelonWaveclub · 28/07/2022 23:31

daffodilandtulip · 28/07/2022 23:08

DS goes to his dads 12-6pm once a fortnight and doesn't get fed at all. He says he can't afford. (Even on the one year DS thought it would be nice to go for Christmas...he's never asked again!) We eat around 6 so he always brings him back early to make sure he gets it with me 🙄

That is really not on! He didn't even feed him at Christmas!!

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saltinesandcoffeecups · 28/07/2022 23:40

I’m very confused by this dynamic…

Your kids ordered the lunch they wanted
They didn’t ask their dad for dinner
You don’t want to make anything for them because it’s his night
You want the ex to send the kids home to you with food
Your 15 yo can cook but not on Thursday when they are hungry

I’m not sure why but this seems overly complicated.

Honestly, by the time the kids are 10 and 15 you both (parents) should have easy to make marginally nutritious options for the kids to make themselves when schedules get screwy and routines are disrupted. That or since they won’t be fed by a parent on Thursdays for the near future, they’ll order the 10 piece nugget meal for lunch 😂

Kite22 · 28/07/2022 23:41

WatermelonWaveclub · 28/07/2022 22:32

It's not just 'someone' though, it is their dad. I feed them every other meal except lunch on a Saturday. On a Thursday it is his turn to give them dinner, as it is a school holiday he has to give them lunch too as I do on the 4 other usual school days. Should I have to take up all the slack or should he take up a little bit too?

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Well, like is the case with so many things on here, you probably shouldn't have presumed.
You should have been clear about your expectations. Whoever it is, I would have just asked / clarified "So you are dropping them home after you've fed them their tea ?" sort of question.

People are commenting of course without the things you have added in later - like you normally eat early - like the fact you say on this page he has serious mental health issues...... Plus of course none of us are aware of your financial arrangements or shared care arrangements or child maintenance arrangements etc. , everyone is answering your question.

Vikinga · 29/07/2022 08:07

My ex is rubbish at feeding the kids, just won't cook. So much so that my fussy eater kid has started cooking for herself.

But on changeover days sometimes they've eaten and other times not, depending. So I always check.

Next time tell him he has to feed them 2 meals or give them something to cook at yours because it is the only day you have off.

Sunnysideup999 · 29/07/2022 08:13

Not sure I get the issue.
thye hadn’t had dinner - so they have dinner at yours? So what. Make them an omelette with toast and done

Disneyblueeyes · 29/07/2022 08:19

You're making a mountain out of a mole hill, if that's the correct phrase.

Also there's nothing wrong with a maccies for lunch every now and then.

MILLYmo0se · 29/07/2022 08:26

Do they have clubs on Thursday during the summer? It looks like you see it as 'Thursday I dont need to supply dinner' but he sees it as 'Thursday X needs to be fed by 5.30 so I need to sort that, oh its the summer, no club so i can check that off my to-do list'. If thats the case you have quite rightly adjusted his thinking to if he feeds them both meals from now on all will be well.

Tryingtokeepgoing · 29/07/2022 08:32

The lunch is what it is…especially if they chose it. You could all have been clearer about dinner; I know if I thought I was taking them home for 6 I’d assume they’d be eating later, otherwise ‘dinner’ would have to be at 4/4:30ish which is crazy early. I bet he always eats later than 6. Was it his choice to take them home for that time or theirs? The kids could also have said that they were hungry and wanted a snack, if they were hungry. It seems a little like poor communication and a mismatch of expectations, overlaid with thoughtlessness. Otherwise known as a typical family day out with teenagers ;)

user1471538283 · 29/07/2022 08:53

I get it OP. He is a parent and he should have given them two (decent) meals. He is only giving them lunch because he usually just provides one meal.

Some people are like this - feed the DC once and then expect that's it! Feeding your DC is the most basic of parenting!

Original poster

WatermelonWaveclub · 29/07/2022 19:37

saltinesandcoffeecups · 28/07/2022 23:40

I’m very confused by this dynamic…

Your kids ordered the lunch they wanted
They didn’t ask their dad for dinner
You don’t want to make anything for them because it’s his night
You want the ex to send the kids home to you with food
Your 15 yo can cook but not on Thursday when they are hungry

I’m not sure why but this seems overly complicated.

Honestly, by the time the kids are 10 and 15 you both (parents) should have easy to make marginally nutritious options for the kids to make themselves when schedules get screwy and routines are disrupted. That or since they won’t be fed by a parent on Thursdays for the near future, they’ll order the 10 piece nugget meal for lunch 😂

Apparently, the McDonald's was their dinner (main meal) , but they just thought it was lunch. I cook dinner for them without being asked. I don't phone their dad up in the evening to say they haven't asked for dinner so I'm not doing it and can he provide it for them! The 15yo can indeed cook on a Thursday as I have said he made them eggs on toast.

It's actually very simple. I provide all meals except lunch on a Saturday and dinner on a Thursday. As it happens to be the school holidays and he is seeing them Thursday daytime too, then he needs to provide them with lunch too.

I have food they can make. My 15yo is a good cook so doesn't even need to be easy for him. But I am on a low income so having to provide an unexpected extra meal, especially with groceries on the rise, is not great.

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Original poster

WatermelonWaveclub · 29/07/2022 19:39

Vikinga · 29/07/2022 08:07

My ex is rubbish at feeding the kids, just won't cook. So much so that my fussy eater kid has started cooking for herself.

But on changeover days sometimes they've eaten and other times not, depending. So I always check.

Next time tell him he has to feed them 2 meals or give them something to cook at yours because it is the only day you have off.

Yes, being direct is the only way!

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Original poster

WatermelonWaveclub · 29/07/2022 19:40

Sunnysideup999 · 29/07/2022 08:13

Not sure I get the issue.
thye hadn’t had dinner - so they have dinner at yours? So what. Make them an omelette with toast and done

I've explained all the reasons why. If none of those affect you, well, good for you!

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Original poster

WatermelonWaveclub · 29/07/2022 19:44

Disneyblueeyes · 29/07/2022 08:19

You're making a mountain out of a mole hill, if that's the correct phrase.

Also there's nothing wrong with a maccies for lunch every now and then.

I take it you haven't RTFT. They have junk food with him every Thursday and I have no problem with it. So no idea where you get the thought that I'm complaining about McDonald's 'every now and then' 😕

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Original poster

WatermelonWaveclub · 29/07/2022 19:46

MILLYmo0se · 29/07/2022 08:26

Do they have clubs on Thursday during the summer? It looks like you see it as 'Thursday I dont need to supply dinner' but he sees it as 'Thursday X needs to be fed by 5.30 so I need to sort that, oh its the summer, no club so i can check that off my to-do list'. If thats the case you have quite rightly adjusted his thinking to if he feeds them both meals from now on all will be well.

Yes, that may well be his thinking. They do not have clubs on Thursday in the Summer.

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Original poster

WatermelonWaveclub · 29/07/2022 19:51

Tryingtokeepgoing · 29/07/2022 08:32

The lunch is what it is…especially if they chose it. You could all have been clearer about dinner; I know if I thought I was taking them home for 6 I’d assume they’d be eating later, otherwise ‘dinner’ would have to be at 4/4:30ish which is crazy early. I bet he always eats later than 6. Was it his choice to take them home for that time or theirs? The kids could also have said that they were hungry and wanted a snack, if they were hungry. It seems a little like poor communication and a mismatch of expectations, overlaid with thoughtlessness. Otherwise known as a typical family day out with teenagers ;)

They always have dinner around 5/5.30 then one is dropped to a club and the other home at 6. He eats at the same time as them. It was his choice to stick to the normal time, he would have been welcome to have them later. My assumption was that the dinner routine would stay the same. He knows how much I enjoy not cooking on a Thursday! 😄

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AWobABobBob · 29/07/2022 19:53

Disneyblueeyes · 29/07/2022 08:19

You're making a mountain out of a mole hill, if that's the correct phrase.

Also there's nothing wrong with a maccies for lunch every now and then.

Agreed! God help children of divorce if parents are this petty and immature.

YABU. But to answer your question, how could he fit in dinner at 5 if the kids are getting dropped off at 6? They also aren't little children now, when I was that age I was more than capable of making my own meals as and when I was hungry, I didn't need my parents dictating what and when I ate.

It seems like you are trying to find something petty to be mad at your exH over.

Bookshadow · 29/07/2022 19:54

When mine have had McDonald's at lunch time I just give them lunch at tea time. I wouldn't give them 2 main meals a day. I wouldn't have 2 main meals myself a day. So I would give them sandwiches, yoghurts and fruit when they got back from their day out.

Original poster

WatermelonWaveclub · 29/07/2022 19:57

user1471538283 · 29/07/2022 08:53

I get it OP. He is a parent and he should have given them two (decent) meals. He is only giving them lunch because he usually just provides one meal.

Some people are like this - feed the DC once and then expect that's it! Feeding your DC is the most basic of parenting!

Tbh, it always feels like he wants to get away with the bare minimum! If he can get away with pushing something on to me he will. This just seemed another thing. He thinks I've already fed them one meal, I don't want to have to feed them twice, so I'll push it back onto their mum so she has to do an extra meal. They usually get FSM so I'm already making lots of extra meals and endless drinks and snacks! And I just suck it up. Can't he just suck it up on his day with them that an extra meal needs providing?

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OriginalUsername2 · 29/07/2022 19:57

Get him to give them dinner and drop them back at 7pm instead.

Original poster

WatermelonWaveclub · 29/07/2022 20:00

AWobABobBob · 29/07/2022 19:53

Agreed! God help children of divorce if parents are this petty and immature.

YABU. But to answer your question, how could he fit in dinner at 5 if the kids are getting dropped off at 6? They also aren't little children now, when I was that age I was more than capable of making my own meals as and when I was hungry, I didn't need my parents dictating what and when I ate.

It seems like you are trying to find something petty to be mad at your exH over.

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Please read the thread!! He fits in dinner at that time every other Thursday. What is the difference just because it is the summer holidays??

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Original poster

WatermelonWaveclub · 29/07/2022 20:01

AWobABobBob · 29/07/2022 19:53

Agreed! God help children of divorce if parents are this petty and immature.

YABU. But to answer your question, how could he fit in dinner at 5 if the kids are getting dropped off at 6? They also aren't little children now, when I was that age I was more than capable of making my own meals as and when I was hungry, I didn't need my parents dictating what and when I ate.

It seems like you are trying to find something petty to be mad at your exH over.

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Also read that I am autistic with mental illness and on a low income so struggling with extra meals over the summer - not petty or immature!

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Easywhenyouknowit · 29/07/2022 20:03

Bookshadow · 29/07/2022 19:54

When mine have had McDonald's at lunch time I just give them lunch at tea time. I wouldn't give them 2 main meals a day. I wouldn't have 2 main meals myself a day. So I would give them sandwiches, yoghurts and fruit when they got back from their day out.

How big are the portions in the McDonald’s near you?