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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think 3 chicken nuggets or a burger bun are not enough for dinner let alone lunch and dinner!

88 replies

WatermelonWaveclub · 28/07/2022 21:06

Just a rant really!

During school time ex-DH has our DC (15 &10) after school and gets/cooks them dinner usually chips or a frozen pizza. This is the only day he feeds them, so I don't mind them eating crap one day a week as I cook/make them healthy food the rest of the time (teen cooks one day too).

So now it is the school holidays, he picks them up at 12 and takes them to the fun fair/arcades. Lovely. He brings them home at 6 and then leaves. Turns out they've not had dinner. When I question ex he says they had dinner at lunch time and I should just give them some bread! I reply - they are not ducks! 😂 Anyway, turns out DD had a Happy Meal and DS a cheeseburger without the burger (he is vegetarian) with chips and a drink. So, ok for lunch but I don't think enough for dinner. I tell ex this and he tells me all the money he spent and he can't afford to feed them twice. I just said even if you send them home with a pot noodle, it's fine but make sure they have something. Obviously, they can supplement this themselves at home with fruit and yogurt etc. My teen is good at cooking too so he could just get some cheap ingredients for him to cook even just eggs or something.

Just because it is the holidays and so they need lunch too, I think he should still give them dinner too. AIBU?

OP posts:
Original poster
WatermelonWaveclub · 28/07/2022 22:26

lickenchugget · 28/07/2022 21:13

Would a 15yo eat dinner before 6pm? Are you caught up because it’s ‘his day’ to feed them?

My 15yo will eat at any time!! But yes we usually eat 5.30-6 and he will have a snack in the evening too. Thursday they eat earlier due to a club. And yes it is 'his day' to feed them.

OP posts:
Original poster
WatermelonWaveclub · 28/07/2022 22:27

lickenchugget · 28/07/2022 21:14

Also surely they choose what to eat at McDonald’s themselves by this age?

Yes, I agree, but I think they may have had more if they knew that was their dinner and all they were getting for the day!

OP posts:
1982mommaof4 · 28/07/2022 22:28

LilacPoppy · 28/07/2022 21:11

What happened to the missing nugget?

My only thought to the OP

Original poster
WatermelonWaveclub · 28/07/2022 22:29

Tee20x · 28/07/2022 21:18

Can't afford to feed them twice in one day? Fuck me 😂

Also what 15 yo eats dinner before 6pm

I know!

Maybe my 15yo is unusual but he's always hungry and would eat dinner at anytime!!

OP posts:
Original poster
WatermelonWaveclub · 28/07/2022 22:32

Kite22 · 28/07/2022 21:32

I'm as confused as everyone else.

If someone had the dc for the day in the holiday, I would only expect them to feed dc the midday meal (whether you call it lunch or dinner doesn't matter). I would be expecting to be feeding my dc their evening meal once they arrived home.

It's not just 'someone' though, it is their dad. I feed them every other meal except lunch on a Saturday. On a Thursday it is his turn to give them dinner, as it is a school holiday he has to give them lunch too as I do on the 4 other usual school days. Should I have to take up all the slack or should he take up a little bit too?

OP posts:
EmmiJay · 28/07/2022 22:35

I get it. Dinner is between half 4 and half 5 in my house. If I was dad I'd feel bad they hadn't eaten much since that dinky lunch. Surely he can pick them up something in Tescos or something to cook quickly and doesn't break the bank. Pizzas, garlic bread, bag of salad for under a fiver😅

codeshutyourmouth · 28/07/2022 22:35

All sounds a bit pedantic tbh - he should send them home with eggs? Is there really nothing they can eat at home, or are you aggrieved that he’s getting away with not giving them a scheduled meal?

Original poster
WatermelonWaveclub · 28/07/2022 22:36

lickenchugget · 28/07/2022 21:40

I think OP has it in the diary than on Thursdays she doesn’t provide dinner, so it’s got her back up.

So much so that a McDonald’s is not ok but sending home with a pot noodle is suggested…🤷‍♀️

Yes.

McDonald's would be fine for lunch or dinner, not for both! A McDonald's for lunch and pot noodle for dinner, I can live with. To be fair he normally gives them sandwiches on a Saturday lunchtime so I can imagine him doing that at least sometimes on a Thursday. Then usual weekly junk dinner.

OP posts:
Original poster
WatermelonWaveclub · 28/07/2022 22:38

Goldbar · 28/07/2022 22:01

YANBU, but given he's feeding them crap anyway, do you really want them coming home with more crap? Nothing wrong with the occasional McDs but a pot noodle for dinner afterwards is... just a bit gross. I know you shouldn't have to and he's stealing your slack, but I'd just make them some eggs or beans on toast so they've had something vaguely filling and nutritional. It's shit, he's shit but what can you really do about it?

My teen made them eggs on toast. But yeah, I was clutching at straws with the pot noodle! When he has them on a Saturday lunchtime he normally does them sandwiches so if he can do that on Thursdays during the holidays and then the usual junk dinner, shouldn't be too bad.

OP posts:
Original poster
WatermelonWaveclub · 28/07/2022 22:39

BarbaraofSeville · 28/07/2022 22:07

A 15 YO wanting dinner before 6 pm might be directly related to only having something small from McDonald's for lunch....

If he can't afford McDonald's then he can make them something at his place for less money.

Show quote history

Well, quite!

OP posts:
Original poster
WatermelonWaveclub · 28/07/2022 22:42

Luredbyapomegranate · 28/07/2022 22:17

I wouldn’t expect kids that age to eat dinner by six, so no.

But I think he needs to sort out a place that does better lunch. There will be cafes doing baked potatoes and fillings or omelettes.

We must be very unusual as I usually give then dinner between 5.30-6. They'd have it earlier, but for me that is early anyway! They eat dinner about 5 usually on a Thursday due to a club. I mean he is also welcome to have them later now the club isn't on for the holidays.

OP posts:
NoSquirrels · 28/07/2022 22:42

I think you’ve muddied the waters with the whole send them home with a pot noodle or some eggs business.

Ideally you’d have made sure he understood he was feeding them dinner before they got dropped back, like he usually does on a Thursday.

When he says he’ll bring them home by 6, that’s your cue to say “Give them tea before you drop them home.”

You’re not wrong because you shouldn’t have to remind him and of course he should feed his bloody kids properly but no point wishing he was a prime candidate for father of the year if he won’t ever be. Deal with the reality of what you’ve got!

Original poster
WatermelonWaveclub · 28/07/2022 22:46

EmmiJay · 28/07/2022 22:35

I get it. Dinner is between half 4 and half 5 in my house. If I was dad I'd feel bad they hadn't eaten much since that dinky lunch. Surely he can pick them up something in Tescos or something to cook quickly and doesn't break the bank. Pizzas, garlic bread, bag of salad for under a fiver😅

Yes, he could have sent it home with them and my teen would have cooked it!

I know I may come across lazy/rigid not wanting to cook for them on a Thursday but in my defence I have an under active thyroid and am knackered! We went to Ikea on Tuesday and I still haven't recovered - no joke! I also like routine so Thursday I don't cook.

OP posts:
Original poster
WatermelonWaveclub · 28/07/2022 22:49

codeshutyourmouth · 28/07/2022 22:35

All sounds a bit pedantic tbh - he should send them home with eggs? Is there really nothing they can eat at home, or are you aggrieved that he’s getting away with not giving them a scheduled meal?

Yes, I suppose it is! In my defence, I'm autistic and I like routine. We are also on a low income and my grocery bill has gone up so much. Him giving them dinner on a Thursday, really helps. So yes, a bit aggrieved. They had eggs on toast in the end.

OP posts:
ZipZapGirl · 28/07/2022 22:49

LilacPoppy · 28/07/2022 21:11

What happened to the missing nugget?

Smile
Original poster
WatermelonWaveclub · 28/07/2022 22:50

Luredbyapomegranate · 28/07/2022 22:17

I wouldn’t expect kids that age to eat dinner by six, so no.

But I think he needs to sort out a place that does better lunch. There will be cafes doing baked potatoes and fillings or omelettes.

Oh and yes, regarding somewhere healthier to eat, I agree but unfortunately he likes his junk a lot. I actually have him over for dinner sometimes as I worry he eats no vegetables at home!

OP posts:
Goldbar · 28/07/2022 22:52

You're not being in the least bit unreasonable to think that he should feed them properly when he has them. After all, you manage to do this every other day of the week. But you are being unrealistic... you can't make a silk purse out of a sow's ear and he sounds like a fundamentally hopeless parent. I wouldn't cook on Thursdays though if I were you... just get some cold stuff/sandwich fillings for them to pick at.

Original poster
WatermelonWaveclub · 28/07/2022 22:53

NoSquirrels · 28/07/2022 22:42

I think you’ve muddied the waters with the whole send them home with a pot noodle or some eggs business.

Ideally you’d have made sure he understood he was feeding them dinner before they got dropped back, like he usually does on a Thursday.

When he says he’ll bring them home by 6, that’s your cue to say “Give them tea before you drop them home.”

You’re not wrong because you shouldn’t have to remind him and of course he should feed his bloody kids properly but no point wishing he was a prime candidate for father of the year if he won’t ever be. Deal with the reality of what you’ve got!

Thank you, good advice.

OP posts:
Original poster
WatermelonWaveclub · 28/07/2022 22:55

Goldbar · 28/07/2022 22:52

You're not being in the least bit unreasonable to think that he should feed them properly when he has them. After all, you manage to do this every other day of the week. But you are being unrealistic... you can't make a silk purse out of a sow's ear and he sounds like a fundamentally hopeless parent. I wouldn't cook on Thursdays though if I were you... just get some cold stuff/sandwich fillings for them to pick at.

He has his faults, but I wouldn't say a hopeless parent. Hopeless with nutrition, yes. But, thank you for the good idea.

OP posts:
EmeraldShamrock1 · 28/07/2022 23:02

Yanbu. A happy meal doesn't fill you for long.

He should have sent them full - it's one day a week he is pathetic.

He'd have bought decent ingredients and made lunch and dinner with the money he spent on McDonald's.

Did he buy himself an adult meal? 🤔

leccybill · 28/07/2022 23:04

I'm with you, OP. Bit crap that he won't even attempt a cooked meal one day a week. He could always cook it another night and freeze it.
Is he a bit chaotic/rubbish, generally?

Greensleeves · 28/07/2022 23:08

Whether or not other posters' children eat later than 6pm isn't the issue. The routine is that OP's children do eat earlier, and that their father is supposed to feed them dinner that day.

I'd have asked him whether he wasn't embarrassed to whine that he couldn't afford to feed his own children two meals in a day. It's plainly bollocks, as well. He could have made two reasonably nutritious simple meals for the price of the Macdonalds, if he could have been arsed. Not to mention blowing money on arcade machines and crap. What an utter deadbeat.

daffodilandtulip · 28/07/2022 23:08

DS goes to his dads 12-6pm once a fortnight and doesn't get fed at all. He says he can't afford. (Even on the one year DS thought it would be nice to go for Christmas...he's never asked again!) We eat around 6 so he always brings him back early to make sure he gets it with me 🙄

OnaBegonia · 28/07/2022 23:10

My DPs ex is like this, he picks kids up at noon and has to take them straight for food as they've not had breakfast never mind lunch, their mother doesn't buy any food for a Sunday at all as it's 'his day', he has had to in the past send them
home with basics such as a loaf of bread, before anyone asks she is not hard up at all, just petty.

ClaryFairchild · 28/07/2022 23:13

4 nuggets? Bloody hell, my 15 year old DS would easily polish off a 20 pack with 2 large fries on a "hungry" day....