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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think your parents having really loud sex was wrong?

72 replies

Cnbv574747 · 27/07/2022 21:33

I’ve just started therapy and have several issues with my mother ..but one of the memories that came up was that she used to have ridiculously loud sex with various boyfriends / step dads ..I mean screaming her head off with absolutely no holding back or consideration. We lived in a very small house and it happened often.

Another time when I was about about 8 I slept in her bed because my dad (who had split up with her) came to stay for a weekend ..I think to try and patch things up but he was sleeping in my bedroom. I woke up and he was in the bed having sex with her right next to me. I ran out crying and slammed my door and they didn’t come to talk to me later or anything. I mentioned it to my mum in the morning and she was really nasty about it and said I better not tell anyone and I needed to stop being ridiculous and get over it.

it’s stirred up some really horrible memories and feelings. Do most people have memories of something like this or was this not right?

OP posts:
KangarooKenny · 27/07/2022 21:35

No, it’s not right. Having sex in the bed next to you is vile.

Cocopogo · 27/07/2022 21:36

I never heard anything at all growing up.
So sorry you went through that, it sounds horrible.

Hiimblahblah · 27/07/2022 21:42

I’m so sorry this happened to you, OP 😔 my mum used to always have sex in the same room as me, and I would hear her talking dirty to her boyfriend during it and it was extremely disturbing. Strangely enough, when I was 8 my mother had sex in the same bed as me as well. Sadly, I was so used to them having sex around me, I just faced the other way and waited for it to end.

I honestly think this is a form of abuse. It really fucked me up in a lot of ways.

Please DM me if you want to talk about it with me, I’m not sure I’ll be much help, but I do understand what you’re going through.

Sprogonthetyne · 27/07/2022 21:43

I think most parents are accidentally overheard or walked in on a some point, but almost all go to great lengths to avoid it. The noise they might not have realised how much it carried, but sex next to a sleeping child is plain wrong.

GalactatingGoddess · 27/07/2022 21:44

I'm really sorry you experienced that OP.
It's incredibly inappropriate of them and my gut reaction says sexual abuse on their part (to have sex with a child in the bed also).

It's not normal and it's not right. They are horrible.

I hope that you get the support you need from therapy.

Annoyedwithmyself · 27/07/2022 21:45

No, that is absolutely not right, forcing you to be a witness to your parent's sex life either in clear earshot or actually in person right next to you. It was abusive, especially her behaviour afterwards. Your feelings are completely understandable and valid and her saying you were ridiculous was definitely not. If she didn't know it was wrong she wouldn't have told you to keep it a secret.

modgepodge · 27/07/2022 21:47

It’s abuse. If a child disclosed to a teacher or someone that their parents had sex with them in the same room, that would definitely be reported and I think social services would be investigating. Just vile.

not so sure on overhearing it (as in if it’s abusive or not ) grim for sure though especially if multiple times with no attempt to be quiet. Sorry you had to go through this.

Gannon · 27/07/2022 21:47

Fucking hell, that's horrible. Yes, that is abusive and vile, no wonder you're in therapy. I'd go NC with your mother Daffodil

Abdolly · 27/07/2022 21:47

This reply has been withdrawn

This has been withdrawn by MNHQ at the poster's request

W00p · 27/07/2022 21:50

Ooh this is not good at all OP. I'm so sorry x

SpilltheTea · 27/07/2022 21:50

No, that's not normal. Your Mum is disgusting and a fucking disgrace.

HollowTalk · 27/07/2022 21:52

I agree, your mother is a complete disgrace. Are you in contact with her now?

Azerothi · 27/07/2022 21:55

That is sexual abuse. She had sex knowing you were lying next to her and she asked you and wanted you not to 'tell'. Classic abuse.

GreenLunchBox · 27/07/2022 21:55

It is abuse. They teach that in safeguarding. Making children witness sexual behaviour is abuse. ☹️

cantheydothisreally · 27/07/2022 21:56

This is child abuse

I am sorry to hear you experienced this

Please seek support to talk through your feelings about this 😞

bluegardenflowers · 27/07/2022 21:56

It's child abuse, her behaviour. Neglect too with the revolving boyfriend door. I hope you get help from the therapy

FlissyPaps · 27/07/2022 21:56

Sorry you had to go through that, OP❤

Definitely not normal, or remotely okay. Really hope you are able to get something out of therapy and can heal.

Original poster
Cnbv574747 · 27/07/2022 21:58

No I didn’t think it was right…the loud sex I think is because she was pissed most the time and inconsiderate and when they were in bed with me they had both been drinking so I think just either not noticing / remembering I was there or not caring.

i see her regularly unfortunately but feeling like it’s impossible to be around her since I’ve started therapy. No contact would be really difficult as my husband actually works for her ….if I could have a clean break I definitely would.

OP posts:
MozzarellaMonster · 27/07/2022 21:59

I'm so sorry op, some parents are total shites. The fact that she told you not to tell anyone / mention it means she didn't want anyone else to know as she knew it was not ok to do and would make her look extremely bad.
You were and are right to be upset FlowersFlowersFlowers

EmeraldShamrock1 · 27/07/2022 22:02

No it isn't right at all.

Your mother must have been a narcissist for causing you so much distress.

I'd bet it was the tip of the iceberg when selfish actions were made towards you.

I hope you find comfort once you've dealt with the distressing past experiences.

Whoatealltheminieggs · 27/07/2022 22:03

Poor you. What an awful mother.

Annoyedwithmyself · 27/07/2022 22:03

If your husband aware of this, or at least the bare bones, that you're discussing your childhood in therapy? Could be a good time for him to look for a new job if you need that distance from her.

Gannon · 27/07/2022 22:04

What she did was so disturbing, your DH really needs to be looking for a new job. You don't need to be around such a person. Good luck with therapy and hopefully you can heal from this

FlissyPaps · 27/07/2022 22:05

Have you confided in your husband about what happened OP? Xx

sausageandbeansx · 27/07/2022 22:07

That is deeply disturbing