Secret confessions thread

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Okay, so, we all have these thoughts; things we know we DEFINITELY are being unreasonable about and yet we can't help but think them.

This is that thread. A chance to say whatever you want judgement free. You know it's silly, you know it makes no sense but it's how you feel. Feel free to share! It might make me feel a little less crazy.

I'll go first...

My best friend gave birth to twins today and I am INSANELY jealous. Simply because I want twins. I know it's stupid, I know I likely won't even have twins but I want them so badly and now she has them. I feel like she's stolen the twin dust and there will be none left for me!

Like I said - just somewhere to post how you're feeling consequence free

My secret sexual fantasy is a threesome with a much younger man and a much older man.

@Citygirl09 · Yesterday 23:03
"LittleValleyOverNearSlice · Yesterday 22:24
I'm suffering from a ridiculous unrequited crush on the husband of one of my friends.
Is it mutual?"

The clue is in the post you quoted. An unrequited crush.

I'm in a very happy and fulfilling relationship.

A couple of years ago I went to a conference and on the first day, I met a man who I was overwhelmingly attracted to. For the next two days I engineered every situation so I could 'accidentally' find myself sitting next to him or attending the same activities. There was a definite chemistry.

On the last night, a few of us were quite drunk in the hotel bar, I was wearing a dress and ankle boots and I had my legs dangling off the edge of a sofa. He came over and sat near my feet and out of view of everyone else, he put a couple of his fingers inside my boot and spent a good while stroking my ankle. It was unfathomably erotic.

Nothing else happened, which was entirely down to my iron will and love for my partner. But Oh. My. God. When I'm having any kind of (ahem) alone time, my go-to memory is still Mr Conference rootling around in my boot and where that might have led...

You are me.

I secretly hope the neighbours that back onto my garden will set fire to their very tall light blocking trees on fire and burn them down. I have had surveyors from the council who say they don’t need sorting for another 3 years. They are more than twice the height of my bungalow! They shed dead needles and bits of bark all over my garden at the slightest breeze. Can’t have a lawn as it turns into a pine needle pit. Neighbours do like a bonfire so here’s hoping

I sent a poison pen letter to my mum's ex neighbour (who made her life hell) I cannot state the contents - but it was supposed from beyond the grave, telling the neighbour thinks - no-one was ever supposed to know - makes me cringe how awful it would have been to read - but we were at the end of our tether with her bullying abusing behaviour, It would have been life changing for her (I really want to 'write' again and tell her not to worry) but she moved

Rohypnol, strip her naked, and dump her 50 miles from home.

That escalated quickly 😮

Caught my husband having an affair about 5 years ago and systematically destroyed the OW’s life

she knew us and knew what she was doing, so was as culpable as him

over the course of 2 years, I had her sacked from her job, then sacked from her next job by telling them she had been sacked from the last one

Then I bought the freehold of her flat through a shell company (I work in property investment as my day job) and hit her with a massive bill for overdue maintenance work, which forced her to sell it for less than she paid for it because I knew she had no way of paying the bill

i also did lots of silly little things eg she would post on (unlocked open) social media that she was excited about going to a certain restaurant with friends, and I would phone up the restaurant, cancel her table and then rebook it in another name, so she would be turned away when she got there
She also posted that she was going to the theatre, I phoned her pretending to be from the theatre to say that sadly the performance had been cancelled and she would be refunded within 5 days. I then saw her tweeting the theatre asking for her refund so she definitely didn’t go to the show

basically just did anything I could to make her life difficult and not very fun

I was in therapy during most of it, and told my therapist what I was doing and her attitude was that it wasn’t something she would recommend or suggest but it wasn’t making my mental health any worse, and we had a bit of a giggle about some of the things I did

I stopped after she lost her flat, because I didn’t think I could do anything to top that…
And she doesn’t know any of it was me

@DillonPanthersTexas · Today 07:30

I sometimes look at Nextdoor and wonder if the posts on there are true

😂

That one is funny! Some of these are amazing and some are absolutely crap! Sorry!

What did you do to your husband?

I think you’re wise not to tell her or anyone about your wealth Haven as she will ask for a loan because “cash-flow problems buying a filly” and not pay it back because people who flaunt wealth are quite often in hock up to the eyeballs, and she thinks she deserves the money more than you and that you don’t need it back.

Extraordinary. I’ve no idea why this should be far sexier than 600 pages penned by EL James, but it is.

Bravo.

In a Premier Inn in Salford once, I found a Gideon Bible in the desk-drawer in my room. Inside the front cover I wrote "To dearest Julie, lovely to meet you. We'll always have Manchester! Best wishes, God xx" and put it back.

If the creationists are right, I fear I might burn for that.

Yeah, I wondered that as well. Bit excessive that.

Think you've tagged the wrong person 🤔

I fantasise about what I can do to a colleague. She's not my boss, but senior to me and I need to work with her. She's a lazy fucking narcissist with tickets on herself. She talks a good game, which is why she got the job and people think she knows what she's doing. She's dangerous as we work with children. She's also a hypochondriac : I wish she would get seriously ill and never come back.

I'm seriously thinking of sending an anonymous letter to our big boss about how fucking awful she is.

I totally judge the parents of kids we work with. I want to shout at them to wake the fuck up and realise their kids' issues are because of them/ environments they expose them to. I know they've had adverse experiences themselves, but it's not fucking rocket science to put your kids first and lay some proper boundaries. Why does everyone blame something else?!

Also, my lovely neighbour with the dead-beat daughter, I'm secretly judging you both: daughter for being a dead-beat and having kids you couldn't cope with; lovely neighbour for being far too soft with dead-beat daughter all her life (which is maybe why she's a dead-beat?).

Same here.

I wfh two days a week and do an hours work tops on each day, and spend the rest of the time just lazing about. Whilst it's not good, I imagine my managers are the same seeing as I've been this lazy since the first lockdown and have not been questioned. I actually get compliments on how on top of things I am which is bizarre.

I can definitely believe these stories about people having two full time jobs at the same time, and doing them both in a working week.

Also skive a lot when I'm in work. I've been reading this thread for 45 minutes when there's two other people in the office but they probably just assume I am writing a report.

Sadly soon I will have to go in the office full time and work with people who will know if I'm skiving, and I'm not sure how I will cope.

It’s good to know I’m not the only WFH skiver (along with DH) 😁 I genuinely think this is the reason companies are all hiring/think they have a staff shortage - loads of people at home just doing fuck all. I listen to all these people saying “I’m so productive at home, I can’t stop working” and think BOLLOCKS!

I am really fucking fed up of being the default parent. So much so, that I have deliberately sought out a career that will take up 90% of my time for the first few years, so that I can pass on that position to my husband for a while. I am really, really looking forward to asking 'what's for dinner' and telling him things like 'this is the last bin bag' with absolutely NO OTHER WORDS OR CONTEXT and then expecting the bin bags to be replenished without me doing a fucking thing.

Also, and this is shameful, I am really looking forward to my eldest child moving out. I love him beyond measure, but he is incredibly hard to live with. I want to enjoy my relationship with him and I'm secretly hoping him moving out will remove all the tension of us being too similar rubbing each other up the wrong way.

I prefer being the Mum of a girl to being the Mum of boys. I love them all entirely equally, but the experience of parenting my daughter has been so much more enjoyable. My boys were hard, hard work. She's a piece of cake in comparison. It's also been a nicer experience in terms of building a community of likeminded Mums, who have become genuine friends. I never had that with my boys, because they didn't sit still and colour in quietly, or play football. DD is also only 8.5 so I'm sure this will come back to bite me on the arse when she's a teenager.😖

Glad to be of assistance 😆

That's one of the creepiest things I've read on the Internet.

My 'd'h gave me every woman's dream for my birthday last year - a George Forman grill. Ffs. So when he eventually realised it might not be quite what I wanted, he huffily chucked me a shopping gift card. I put it together with the voucher I got from my MIL and bought a vibrator.