Secret confessions thread

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Okay, so, we all have these thoughts; things we know we DEFINITELY are being unreasonable about and yet we can't help but think them.

This is that thread. A chance to say whatever you want judgement free. You know it's silly, you know it makes no sense but it's how you feel. Feel free to share! It might make me feel a little less crazy.

I'll go first...

My best friend gave birth to twins today and I am INSANELY jealous. Simply because I want twins. I know it's stupid, I know I likely won't even have twins but I want them so badly and now she has them. I feel like she's stolen the twin dust and there will be none left for me!

Like I said - just somewhere to post how you're feeling consequence free

I attended one of the best grammar schools in the country. Failed my AS Levels as I thought I could pull it out the bag at the last min as I had done with GCSEs.

Told my parents I had achieved my predicted grades.

Ended up taking a 2 year "gap year". Parents thought I was working FT to save for Uni but I was attending a local college.

Had a Saturday job in John Lewis so they saw me occasionally flash the cash.

Studied like mad at college, didn't socialize at all. Managed to get into LSE and have been fairly successful ever since.

I secretly despise the following people:

• People who are proud of being ignorant - "He he I don't know the capital of England, what am I like ...."
• Reverse snob - "We don't eat nowt like them fancy olives here"
• People who make to much noise using their walking sticks - "tap, tip, tap, bloody tap"

I suffer from bouts of detachment where my life does not feel real to me. I just go through the motions and pretend.

Absolutely this.

@REP22 that poster is hilarious! Thanks for making me laugh today.

Is that how your username came about? 😂

I have a Kindle.

Now that doesn't seem like very much of a confession until I tell you that this was a battle between me and one of my friends. I speak to her every week. She is desperate to spend my money. When I moved she was telling me to get this that and the other - forget a new carpet, I should have the floorboards anded and polished (a 1 week window to move in), should buy this, buy that. I don't know where I was supposed to get it.

A couple of years ago, she suggested I get a Kindle because I am an avid reader on the bus in the morning. At the time, I was of the "I prefer proper old-fashioned books" school of thought. She said I should get a kindle. I said well, no, because..... books. For the next 4 weeks, my purchase of one of the effing things was the main subject of conversation. She argued me INTO THE GROUND about it (meant to shout there). I wasn't till I shouted "I'm not getting a f*ing Kindle!!!!!!!!" that she let it go.

I bought one just before the pandemic, but I have never told her.

@DillonPanthersTexas you are a genius! Was this picture one of yours...?

No, but I might steal that.

I have used photos like this, often with the pet having some public school name like Bartholomew or Rupert.

and we had no lube so I grabbed a tube of VO5 hair oil. Sex was good but jesus, the afterburn lasted about 2 days. Do not recommend!

gulp

you only do that once

Just wanted to say a huge thank you to everyone. This thread has made me laugh so so much!!

All I can say is I am NOT a journalist. I expect my word won't be enough. Just a teacher on her summer holidays who is very jealous of her best friend haha.

I don't think I've ever related to so many people as I have in this thread.

P.s I think we all have in laws we wish dead (wish I could input a laughing emoji here).

@GrandTheftWalrus that is trending on twitter along with #princeofpegging (seriously but you have to go down a sordid twitter rabbit hole to get the arse references )

I sometimes eat prawns that still have the shell on because i can't be bothered to de-shell them. I don't do this in public, but i will at home in front of DH who couldn't care less.

Name change.

The feminist in me hates me, but I secretly want to pay for a male prostitute

I haven't done it yet. But I keep thinking that it would be great because they are professional, know exactly what to do and it will be all about me, me, me!

I was once having unplanned sex, when I was 20 and free, and we had no lube so I grabbed a tube of VO5 hair oil. Sex was good but jesus, the afterburn lasted about 2 days. Do not recommend!

But your minge would have been restored with your dry and damaged pubes receiving a boost of nourishment with a supercharged formulation, powered by Marula Oil, that providing up to three days of frizz control?

Am I the only one reading this thread who can't get over how everyone seems to be psychopathic?! 😬😬

I spend £6,500 a year total.
Of which £2,000 is spent on gifts so people don't think I'm stingy.

Oh me too!
I'm a lesbian and have never slept with a man but am sort of curious about it now.
I've fantasised about this but would never do it 😬

Was this the subreddit?

www.reddit.com/r/AskWomen/new/

I have never had an orgasm. Don’t know how. Not really that bothered.

I am slightly perturbed by some of the vitriol from some posters and feel sad that they are living with such bitterness and hatred.

I sometimes utterly despise my 13 year old DS. I am hoping this will pass.

Forgot one

When working in Cape Town, I waited ages to go up Table Mountain because of the fog - finally got up there, got caught short on the top and had to find a quiet spot, take a humongous dump and bury it under a rock. Still ashamed of my defilement of such an iconic place. Other people take bits from it, I added to it! Next day, I was on the boat to Robben Island with a great view of Table Mountain. Spent the entire boat trip looking back and guiltily trying to locate the spot where I laid a cable. 💩

I hope my brother divorces my horrid sister in law. He confessed he's been unhappy for at least 12 years but is still with the witch. She's always been a cunt to me and I want her out of the family.

I'm a lesbian and have never slept with a man but am sort of curious about it now.
I've fantasised about this but would never do it

As a non-gold-star lesbian... trust me, you are NOT missing out.

I'm glad that a certain person is dead. It means no more hassle and harassment ever again which is a massive relief

I really hope you aren't my SIL ... 🤣🤣

@Angelinflipflops looks like this - also called mano fica (figa/fico).

I am so looking forward to all those animal posters going up, great idea!

Would you have missed something the size of a pencil?