Secret confessions thread

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Okay, so, we all have these thoughts; things we know we DEFINITELY are being unreasonable about and yet we can't help but think them.

This is that thread. A chance to say whatever you want judgement free. You know it's silly, you know it makes no sense but it's how you feel. Feel free to share! It might make me feel a little less crazy.

I'll go first...

My best friend gave birth to twins today and I am INSANELY jealous. Simply because I want twins. I know it's stupid, I know I likely won't even have twins but I want them so badly and now she has them. I feel like she's stolen the twin dust and there will be none left for me!

Like I said - just somewhere to post how you're feeling consequence free

Similar to a pp - I secretly bin things that other people (mainly my mother of DH) will NOT deal with. They do not ever throw anything away.. they have some sort of brain issue where they live internally and do not see the ‘stuff’ left in the wake of their lives. So I bin it when they’re not looking. Not once has either of them ever noticed!!!!!

You are not alone :)

I wish these threads had emojis. I wanna laugh or cry or both at most of them but don't want to clog the the thread up. Thanks for the thread OP. Let's hope nobody ends up in jail or single 🤣 (what happens on the thread stays on the thread)

@Squiff70 report your neighbours as that’s a very cruel life.. also solves your problem.. win win xo

as in 'likes and other emojis.

Oh yes he does <3

My brother lives in a very swish and exotic location. I keep making excuses not to visit because I don't particularly like his wife. Too smug and self-satisfied for my liking. He has no idea I feel this way.

Darkshade, what's the sign to ward off evil?

I'd hire you 😂

My husband had a pair of much loved but stinky slippers. I'd had enough and threw them away. When he asked me if I'd seen them, I told him the cat had thrown up in them so I'd had to throw them away.

In my day to day life I'd consider myself to be well spoken, not overly loud, polite etc. Get me behind the wheel of my car though and I can swear like an absolute trooper at other drivers if they cut me up or behave in a way I'm not happy with (not indicating/not giving way on roundabouts/weaving in and out on major roads etc). I'm only like this when I'm on my own though. If I have a passenger I may make a comment but I really tone it down.

I’ve got a huge crush on someone I barely know and spend all day fantasising about having an affair with them. Would never go through with it though, even if I had the opportunity which is unlikely.

I can't stand my best friends' son and wish she'd just have coffee with me without him. (it that's you always insisting on the kids coming too, please just stop!!)

I'm nearly 50 but got a crush on a 22 year old. Completely inappropriate!

I reported them for something similar 10 years ago and they tried to make my life hell for the following 8 years. We just ignore each other now which suits me fine. Meanwhile...

I have asked MN if this thread can be put in Mumsnet Classics - it's quietly brilliant! @colourPink , I hope that's OK.

@DillonPanthersTexas you are a genius! Was this picture one of yours...?

I used to get regularly groped whilst on or waiting for the bus by a local creepy guy. I would say "don't!", move away, try to surround myself with other people but he seemed to sidle up to me whatever I did. I was much younger and shy and absolutely mortified, I used to freeze with fear. Then, one day, I found a hat-pin on my mum's bedroom table. I took it and put it in my coat pocket and then, when the inevitable happened on the bus I sneaked it out and stabbed his finger really hard with it when it came around the edge of the seat.

His cry of surprise and pain, mingled with the effort to stifle his shriek so as not to alert the rest of the bus to what he was up to was really rather satisfying. He left me alone after that. This is the first time I've ever mentioned what I did. 😳

My parents are part of a religious community which is almost like a cult (although not quite as you can leave at any time). It’s not the religion itself that makes it cult like, more some of the members of the community who behave in very cult like ways and treat the spiritual leader as a god and can’t be criticised.

I left the community shortly after Uni while my family are still members of it. I wish I left the community sooner and feel like a lot of the members are hypocritical dickheads. I don’t discuss this part of my life with any of my friends or DH.

I feel sad seeing my younger sister living half a life strictly following the rules of the community. I’ve talked to her about it but she won’t see sense.

My parents and sister are good people. I just wish they weren’t so embroiled in this community.

Like a pp no one knows that we are really wealthy. I never had a clue how wealthy DH was until I married him. It was a combinaton of being a high earner and savvy investor at a young age. You'd never figure it out going by our lifestyle really. Modest house and third hand cars. But neither of us work and we have 2 DCs in private school. DH tells people he is a freelance consultant. I tell people I edit professional text books in my field. Our main luxury is that we are both retired in our late 40s and spend our time going out for lunch and pootling around the house. In fact, the main reason I quite my last job is because I thought it simply was not fair to take a job away from someone when I did not need to work. One of my favourite things to do is to treat my extended family to weekend getaways. I'd like to splurge a bit more on occasion but we are both naturally quite frugal. I have a severely disabled older DS and his medical appointments etc take up loads of time and that pretty much occupies me and as his needs become more intense now he is a teen.

I have a friend who boasts constantly about how rich she is. She flaunts and parades her wealth and says things like 'You must try living mortgage free. It really helps with the cost of living crisis'. She talks about their assets, their racehorses, their this that and the other and is deeply patronising. Sometimes I'd love to tell her that we are alot wealthier than she thinks, but her identity is tied up somehow in being able to lord (lady?) it over others so I refrain.

That said- the current cost of living has been a shock to us and so I am even more deeply grateful that we are okay.

I picked up a blouse I liked at a market stall. I held it for ten minutes waiting to pay the stallholder but he never appeared so I walked off with it.

Fine by me! It's given me a right laugh.

I literally danced on my Dad's mum's ( I refuse to call her the g-word), grave. That was several years ago and I haven't visited it since. Hope the bitch is rotting in Hell.

I found £100: in my DH trouser pockets and kept it. We’d been on holiday a few months previously, the trousers are lightweight chinos he only ever wears on holiday, he wore them once on that holiday, when we got home he hung them straight up in the wardrobe. Months later during packing for another holiday I took them out to check if they washing and found the cash. I mentioned to him I’d checked his trousers and they were fine, I never mentioned the money nor did he so I reckoned he hadn’t missed so I got my hair and nails done with it.

I could have written this. Exactly.

Both paragraphs.

This one has had me in stitches!! Hahaha

@FrothyThoughts

Definitely 5 classics not worth the hype! I would so watch that!