Secret confessions thread

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Okay, so, we all have these thoughts; things we know we DEFINITELY are being unreasonable about and yet we can't help but think them.

This is that thread. A chance to say whatever you want judgement free. You know it's silly, you know it makes no sense but it's how you feel. Feel free to share! It might make me feel a little less crazy.

I'll go first...

My best friend gave birth to twins today and I am INSANELY jealous. Simply because I want twins. I know it's stupid, I know I likely won't even have twins but I want them so badly and now she has them. I feel like she's stolen the twin dust and there will be none left for me!

Like I said - just somewhere to post how you're feeling consequence free

Fuck that's awesome

Mine is so silly😂

One time I stayed at my uncle and his partner’s house. They had four kid’s together and my uncle had his oldest daughter from a previous relationship. We have a big family so one of my other cousin’s would stay over during the weekend at the same time as me.

There was one morning where we all had a bath and had brushed our teeth. I needed to spit and for some reason instead of spitting in the sink or even the toilet, I spat in the bath and just left it there.

My uncle’s partner went madddd at my uncles first daughter and instantly blamed her. I remember her saying ‘I know it wasn’t pedropony because she wasn’t raised like that.’ ‘I know it wasn’t pedropony’s other cousin because she wasn’t raised like that either, so it must have been you.’

My cousin kept saying it wasn’t her, she was even crying and I stayed quiet the whole time. I often think about it now and think I should come clean but we were like 7, 8 and 9 so I think I’ll leave it in the past now. I still feel bad though!

i think my brother is a shitty parent and husband... i love him and would walk over hot coals for him.. but i can't stand him as a person at all... he's a complete and utter arsehole, and i think his current wife should leave him.

I only haven’t murdered someone because it’s illegal and I don’t want to go to prison. I think I’m perfectly capable. I often fantasise about hunting down my childhood bully and slowly killing her. I could do it given a free pass. And I’d enjoy doing it. And sleep well afterwards.

I'm another one who only felt relief with MIL died. And I haven't missed her since. In fact, life has been better in almost every way since she went.

I used to feel bad about this, but then I decided I would use the experience to try and make sure I didn't become a person that no-one would miss.

(and one time we went to hers for dinner on Easter Saturday - at her insistence. She had cooked up a ton of food and puddings, but none of it was for us. The Golden Child was coming with her family on the actual Easter Sunday, so we got an extremely basic meal while being told not to eat this, and not to touch that, as it was all for them. Reader, it is possible that, before going home, I may have spat in the trifle.)

Name changed for this. Ever since I found out about my H having an EA around 6 years ago, I monitored our router- so yep I know all about my Hs 5 times a week secretive porn habits when I'm out, more if I'm away - when he's always said he wasn't that interested- the 'I've not stopped' with work today when I know he had 2 hours playing games on his phone and if he ever starts with dating sites or hook ups , unless he was accessing it away from the house , I would be the first to know- controlling? Yep I agree to some extent but given that he's been a bit of a disloyal twat in the past , at my age and without significant assets I'm protecting myself- he totally devastated me with the EA, and wanted it 200% swept under the carpet, so my view is he's lucky I stayed at all.

(sorry for breaking the thread rules)

If the world and all your family, if everyone except his wife, knows - can you please just tell his wife? Please? You would be doing her a massive favour. If everyone else knows, please, just do another woman a massive, sisterly, hug-in-a-mug favour. I am literally BEGGING you, having been on the receiving end of this.

You’d have to be a saint not to be hurt by this. You sound lovely.

I take sick leave just to bump up my holiday days from work.

I was reading a thread on the evils of porn a couple of months ago where somebody said something along the lines of how awful it must be for the poor porn star to be fucked by twelve different men, one after the other.

I was thinking that I wouldn’t mind trying that.

I can’t stand my mother. She’s a horrible, spiteful, judgemental bitch.

We rotate her between us for Christmas as she’s widowed. It’s my turn to have her this Christmas and I loathe the idea of having her in my home.

So I invited her along with myself and my DD for a long weekend in Italy (we live on the continent).

Whilst there I casually dropped into convo that we’ll be in my DH’s home country for Christmas because his elderly Mum can’t travel to us and being an only child my DH has full responsibility for her.

My siblings are going to hate me because I’m never having her for Christmas again but I don’t care. I will manipulate the situation as much as I need to make sure I never have to have her for Christmas again.

I don’t love her. I also think the wrong parent died, I won’t mourn her and most likely won’t bother with her funeral either. I’ll be too unwell with some bug to fly 🤷🏼‍♀️ I don’t feel bad about this at all.

I really hope my SIL & BIL go bankrupt and lose everything. They are vile racist, sexist, lying, tax-dodging bullies whose business affairs are a total fiction. They only care about 2 things, their money and their kids (and probably in that order).

They've come close to it twice, at least, to my knowledge. I've contemplated giving a blow by blow account of their dodgy dealings to the tax man on many occasions.

My SIL makes me feel sick. Her children are properly obese and she posts constant pictures on SM of them eating cakes she's made, out for ice creams and look more bloody cake. Every photo weirdly shows them eating it's bizarre. I once watched her and my disgusting MIL feed the youngest 2 massive bowls of trifle one Christmas. I could have cried.

I LOVE THIS

I have a whole imaginary life that I play out whenever I'm bored or alone.

In this life, I'm married to James who's a beautiful dermatologist. He used to work in the NHS but now has a very successful private practice with his business partner Ahmed.

James and I met when he was doing postgraduate medicine and I was an undergraduate. He's very normal, grounded, working-class, self-effacing and funny. His family - he has a mum, dad and two brothers- are all lovely. His older brother is a very successful personal trainer.
His younger brother followed his dad into the building trade and does ornate plastering work. This younger brother (Daniel) does a lot of work in France, renovating old chateaus and also does some stuff for the National Trust and English heritage.

James and I live in a self-build five-bedroom house which has a separate outside building with a swimming pool and small gym. The house has been built in Victorian gothic style and looks original. My garden is massive and thriving.

@thequeenoftheandals

I'd love to follow you too. I realise you won't want to disclose your Instagram name. But can you at least give me a pointer as to the general area I should look for? Poetry? Families? I'm not on Instagram yet but would love someone interesting to follow get me going. Generally I find it all a bit dull to be honest but yours sounds my kind of thing...

I really hope that Brexit is proven to be a massive clusterfuck within my D's lifetime.

I don't like my mum at all. She uses my DC to look like the best grandparent but is just horrible. She'd throw me under a bush to safe herself, and slags me off whenever I do a slight thing wrong.

I'm slowly spending less time with her and my mental health is so much better because of it.

I cry when I think of my best friends mum who died before getting the chance to meet her GC, I'd have asked her to adopt me if I could, she was such an amazing woman

I am insanely jealous of my sisters. As being the oldest child I had to deal with so much shit and they have had such an easy ride compared to me. I made the mistakes and they learned from them and had perfect lives.

I have inappropriate thoughts about a man in his late 20s. I am almost 50. A sportsman I have met a few times, with my DC in tow I hasten to add. He's so nice, and so bloody fit I could eat him.

I know the rules of the thread are no judgement but I fucking love it

Did she stop her shit-hanging habit after that?

@ihatebojo amen to that!!

You know the way people fantasise about bigger houses, cars, holidays if they won the lottery?

I fantasise about becoming an assassin. An angel of death. I read about terrible husbands on MN, and while other people are giving practical advice, I’m thinking about how if I had the money, I’d track the unhappy posters down, buy untraceable poisons and bump into their husbands in my clumsy, invisible middle aged way - “oh - sorry, dear” - quick jab, Putin-style and then disappear, while they walk down the street, and then die.

I know it’s stupid but it’s such a strong and detailed fantasy that I don’t buy lottery tickets.

I am confident this will happen.
I would love to make my idiot schoolfriend, who has uttered every trite unsubstantiated bullshit claim about sunlit uplands, read every page of the long, sorry history of Brexit that is yet to be written, and then apologise to the nation.

My DH has a friend who's had a dark moustache for the 25 years I've known her. I secretly think of her as 'Tasha' in my head. I also think why the fuck don't you deal with it? Its not cos of money, and dark hair is easier to treat then light hair.

I have just been up to the bathroom to see how well this works.

I discovered I have to smile in order to say "cunt" without moving my lips, which makes it all the funnier. Tedious colleague will think I'm smiling at their latest genius idea, when all the time I'll be calling them a cunt.