Secret confessions thread

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Okay, so, we all have these thoughts; things we know we DEFINITELY are being unreasonable about and yet we can't help but think them.

This is that thread. A chance to say whatever you want judgement free. You know it's silly, you know it makes no sense but it's how you feel. Feel free to share! It might make me feel a little less crazy.

I'll go first...

My best friend gave birth to twins today and I am INSANELY jealous. Simply because I want twins. I know it's stupid, I know I likely won't even have twins but I want them so badly and now she has them. I feel like she's stolen the twin dust and there will be none left for me!

Like I said - just somewhere to post how you're feeling consequence free

I was neglected abused and raped terribly until I met my DH. I adore him but we can't live together (I'm a nightmare) so have had totally separate homes for 16 years. Spend 1-2 nights a week together and have always shared the kids as we live very close. We are totally financially separate but he is shocking with money. I took control of his debts etc/ finances and he managed to buy his council flat at maximum discount due to army housing from years ago. He paid £19k and it's now worth £94k just a few years later and almost paid off.

I've spent years in therapy for PTSD etc, so mentally better but I am now pretty seriously disabled /wheelchair bound and get full benefits/pip. My life has been so shit at times. So I'm just clinging to the future. I'll get full state pension as will he, and his small work/ private pension. I'm now in the position to downsize my council house to get a 2 bed council flat and I'm planning on him taking out a loan to buy it at maximum discount. He can afford it and is happy to do it. Then, after 5 years we will sell/remortgage both properties and piss off abroad to retire. We are even abroad now looking at a small cheap "interim" property that we could spend 6-10 weeks a year at. I am not even sorry. I just want to find some sort of peace before I die.

Love this!!

I fantasise about owning 10 huge houses split into nice self contained flats where I can help mumsnetters and kids who are trapped in awful situations-

Here's a more petty ridiculous one....I have a good friend (who I love really) but constantly goes on about how everything is a conspiracy (covid vaccines etc) and doesn't like doctors and conventional medicine. Generally I just smile and nod, and occasionally I like some of the meditation things she sends me and the flower essences. Live and let live and all that.

However she has ranted at me before that I'm wasting my time wearing sunscreen as it's a complete con by the pharmaceutical industry. But now that we are getting older, I'm 38 and she is 40, the sun damage is really showing on her face - sun spots, wrinkles etc. I'm sure she doesn't care really, but she did mention to me a while ago that I was looking well and I just smiled and said thanks, but I know if I said to her 'that's because I wear sunscreen, use tretinoin etc.' she would berate me as being ridiculous. But I can totally see the results.

So I am secretly smug about it.

@Sugaris
My euromillions jackpot fantasy is to become the Petty Millionaire and piss off annoying people.
An HMO owner and a someone who parks on the pavement outside my kids school are first on the list.

ROAR

Spread some oil around the bottom and they will think it's got a leak

I don't like wearing clothes. I would live naked if I could. I particularly dislike trousers and shorts and would much prefer skirts and dresses if I had the choice, which I don't because I am male.

I fantasise that when I am old I will move to somewhere hot and become one of those men on the edge of Spanish and French beaches who have nothing on and from the state of their all over tans, spend a lot of time like that.

Ooh I love this thread!

Here's mine..,I have a full Pinterest board all about my second wedding as a "40 year old second time bride"...I'm 35 and relatively happily married but I love planning my imaginary second wedding! I've also been to try on wedding dresses because I only tried two on when I first got married.

I also like to imagine myself in disasters to help my sleep... like if I was on a ferry that sank etc I plan out how I would save the kids.. this leads me to panic that I wear contacts and won't be able to see but then I imagine myself being interviewed afterwards and what a bad-ass heroine id be billed as, the book, film (Kate winslet playing me, Tom hardy posting DH) and me earning a living as an inspirational speaker would follow...

They never said their arse was hanging out the window though.........

I'm secretly happy if my DH is feeling down or low as it means he doesn't bother me with his silly 'playing around' or 'messing about' behaviours like tickling me or touching me playfully randomly throughout the day or when I get home from work. Of course, I comfort him etc, give him extra cuddles and such, but it means if I'm tired or whatever, I don't have to be the bad guy and be called 'grumpy' because I'm not in a playful mood.

@LaPerduta

It's bad because the situation really isn't about me, or what I'd like, it's about my friend and the baby, but I still feel sad that she didn't take everything I've done for her into consideration even a little bit and move me to the top of the visiting list. I feel pathetic for being hurt, but I am hurt.

Thank you, @Midnightblack . I try to be the friend I'd like to have.

I use breastfeeding the baby as an excuse to escape into a room on my own and go on my phone.

Visiting the in laws? Time for a feed!

Neighbour dropping round? Time for a feed!

Toddler being a pain in the arse? Time for daddy to take over while I do a feed!

I put my out of office email reply on yesterday.
It reads something along the lines of “catasshat is out of the office until xxx; this email address will be sporadically monitored; in an emergency please use the below number.”

But I didn’t leave a number.
My boss has emailed the email address I’m sporadically monitoring to tell me I didn’t leave a number.

Thwre will be no emergencies in my job that anyone would email about. Absolutely none. It is not that kind of job and I am too low down the chain.

'I can’t wait for my mother to fall off her perch
she’s an evil narcissist'

we've got a bottle of champagne waiting in the fridge

I brush my teeth in the shower. The shower is warm and cosy and I hate brushing my teeth in a cold bathroom!

This is genius! It'll give me something to do while I'm waiting for the conditioner to soak into my hair, which looks like a frzzy birds nest if I rinse it off too soon.

That my first thought on hearing that an Ex very long time & once close friends "cancer is back" was, "that's convenient & why are you telling all these mutual, not close to you friends, whilst also lying to them about what happened between us to make me look bad. Makes no sense when she ghosted me after DDs birthday & didn't tell me she had cancer as a then supposedly very close friend.

I ended up giving this friends several chances over the years, though at a distance more recently with firmer boundaries as I've spotted narcissistic behaviour in her years back.

I feel rotten questioning such an awful diagnosis, even after we've fallen out, but I can't help but remember something another friend said about her, who definitely had cancer & is no longer with us

I haven't seen my father in over 20 years. I want him to die so I can contest the will. I don't even care about the money, I just want to upset his wife and her family as much as possible.

It's highly likely his wife has no idea and would be devastated if she knew.

I can't stop thinking about my DH dying. Like every time he leaves the house for work, it comes into my head that he is going to die. And then I feel awful because I realise it's a happy, liberating thought. That I could just start it all again. Me and the DC could go anywhere, do anything, I could paint the bathroom hot pink. And then I feel like a terrible person. That I want my DH to die because I want a pink bathroom and to not hear him snore anymore. I also feel annoyed because I realise that if I think about him dying, it will never happen, because that kind of thing never happens when you've actually thought about it happening. This train of thought happens to me every single day of my life.

I also can't cope with looking at twins. I lost one on my twin boys at 7 months pregnant. Giving birth to the two of them was the hardest thing I've ever done.

Sex is overrated.

I'm scared about my sons growing into men, as I don't think I like men very much.

Go and see your friend in about a weeks time. She will be on her knees absolutely exhausted. I know how hard it is and really annoying when people say aw I really wanted twins. You have no idea !

Oh & I secretly took a course & passed, for no reason other than a close friend who was seriously I'll shot me down in flames for making suggestions that were relevant to her big health scare & need for lifestyle changes. Something I know a lot about due to having lived through it & had to research for DDs & my health sake as we had to deal with some very significant health episodes & turned things around.

A mutual homeopathy friend was giving her very bad advice, insisting that everything can be healed by food or the expensive stuff she sells etc, so I gently broached that friend might be better off speaking to a doctor for certain tests as I was concerned she had a lot of symptoms of pernicious anaemia & would benefit from B12 injections... I was told... "I'll listen to the experts thanks & XXX is the expert not you" .... XXXX has no relevant qualifications, but I now do & childishly look forward to one day shoving it up her arse 😆

This is why I didn’t mind face masks.

The absolute filth that I used to mouth at people while doing “smiley eyes”.

I have three best friends who run their own businesses and support two of them where I can but one of them and her hubby are on 6 figure salary each have amassed a large property portfolio of starter homes that they rent out for around 1k per month,

Starter homes in our area are in short supply and they buy them as soon as they hit the market meaning local young people can’t get on the property ladder which pisses me off, I regularly hope their tenants don’t pay the rents or they lose the portfolio somehow ( doubtful) i really feel sorry for FTBs due to people like her! I’m nice to her face and support her as a friend if I have to but I hate that she screws over the local young people so they can get richer and they regularly brag about their portfolio! I never want any of my friends to fail in life but I do them!

We are quite comfortably well off and Ive given deposits to a couple of mutual friends kids to help them with their first houses and they joked that there won’t be houses for them to buy as they will get them first 🤬

Since they started this business I secretly can’t stand her or her smug hubby even though we’ve been friends for 25 years plus!

I sexted someone in the first month of my relationship, it was approximately 5 messages in total, this was 4 months ago and I struggle every single day with guilt and shame. It feels like everyone around me knows which is impossible because the guy is overseas with no mutuals whatsoever. It's been really awful on my mental health and really made me feel evil.