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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Lending the car out !!

76 replies

Moonchair1 · 26/07/2022 14:10

me and other half are 50/50 everything all one pot etc
we have a car each, when I got new I gave him my old one for work
(not old old and still very nice looking on the road)
last month his work mate asked to lend it to go fishing with lads I made a song and dance and said no il call the police to say it’s been stolen etc if he does.. so he didn’t but said I embarrassed him saying no.. I said in future it’s a no to things like that
anyway they just asked again to lend the car to go fishing I kicked off again and said no
AIBU ? please help me and other half are not agreeing on this

OP posts:
misskatamari · 26/07/2022 14:11

Yanbu! No way would I be okay with lending something like a car out! Unless it was an emergency one off for close family or a very close trusted friend, and even then I wouldn’t really want to.

Dotjones · 26/07/2022 14:14

You're not really 50/50 if you own a car each. But you don't own a car each if you're able to dictate what he does with his.

But anyway, yes I agree with you, you/he shouldn't lend your/his car to them. It's not like lending someone your Jeremy Clarkson DVD, your car will be worth less when it's returned even if you assume they're careful with it and have all the proper insurance and suchlike.

Normal people don't lend cars to work mates, nor do they ask.

PuffinMcStuffin · 26/07/2022 14:15

You aren't being unreasonable at all, but it sounds like you guys could work on communication - lots of 'kicking off' and dramatics rather than just talking/asking each other.

foobio · 26/07/2022 14:16

You can also set it to mates rates if you don't want to profit from them, but means all the insurance etc is sorted.

Original poster
Moonchair1 · 26/07/2022 14:20

Thanks guys glad it’s not just me… just talking and saying no doesn’t work I need to up the craziness for this one
and yes we are 50/50 without going in to much detail both cars are actually mine and in my name
I bought a car 7 years ago he bought a van… then he sold his van as I needed a few grand tears this car so I gave him my (old) car for work instead

OP posts:
Bookworm20 · 26/07/2022 14:49

If he sold his van so you could buy your car, and then he got your old car, surely its his car and he can lend it out of he wants though? Or do you use it regularly too?

Although i think it does depend on the car tbh. I've lent one of my cars out before to a friend who was in need for a few days, but its worth nearly nothing and not precious. I have another car though that i'd be really reluctant to lend out, and certainly wouldn't for fishing, as fishing gear usually stinks to high heaven!

Discovereads · 26/07/2022 14:52

Well, the car you gave him should be put in his name if you’re truly 50/50 and have a car each.

Secondly, you haven’t explained why he cannot lend his car to work mates? What are your concerns?

RoomOfRequirement · 26/07/2022 14:53

Surprised you're old enough to drive with your ridiculous kicking off, song and dance and threats of making a false police report. Grow up.

And if you say you're 50/50 and have a car each then he can borrow his car to his friends if he wants to.

ShirleyPhallus · 26/07/2022 14:56

It’s a massive leap to say you’ll call the police given that you’ve actually given him this car so it’s his to decide what he wants to do with it

Are you worried it will come back smelling fishy?!

whowhatwerewhy · 26/07/2022 15:03

If it's his car surely he can do what he wants.

Hotenoughtoburnasausage · 26/07/2022 15:10

So you didn't really give him a car then?He is simply allowed to drive one of yours... I have 2 cars and dh isn't welcome to drive them without asking...

Maybeebebe · 26/07/2022 15:14

Is it his car?

If not, did you pay him back for the few grand you needed for your car? (At least thats what I think you meant)

I bought a car 7 years ago he bought a van… then he sold his van as I needed a few grand tears this car so I gave him my (old) car for work instead

CalistoNoSolo · 26/07/2022 15:17

It's borrowed not lend. And yabvu, it's his car, he can do what he wants with it.

Livpool · 26/07/2022 15:22

Isn't it his car so he can do what he likes?

iwannascream · 26/07/2022 15:25

My issue with anyone borrowing a car is the insurance aspect. Will his friend be covered to drive the car if an accident where to occur will there be sufficient insurance to cover the repairs to one of both of the cars involved.

My car insurance does not cover me to drive any other cars (this is a new thing as I've always previously been able to drive any other car).

ChocolateCakeYum · 26/07/2022 15:27

I wouldn’t want any of my household cars smelling of fish and bo (probably beer too) however if it’s his car and he trusts his mate then he can do what he likes with it. Just tell him he has to clean it afterwards and if anything happens to it a) he pays and b) he is absolutely not getting your car.

alnawire · 26/07/2022 15:29

I actually think this is really weird of you. It's his car and if he wants to let someone borrow it, provided they are covered insurance wise I don't see what it has to do with you. The threat to call the police is ridiculous.

Sexnotgender · 26/07/2022 15:30

if it’s his car why can’t he lend it to his mates? How does it impact you?

GertrudePerkinsPaperyThing · 26/07/2022 15:33

I guess the issue is the insurance?

Also I’d sort out if it’s his car - so it should be in his name - or yours that you just let him use

Original poster
Moonchair1 · 26/07/2022 16:58

If the friend damage it etc they cannot afford to fix it and it will be me and my daughter that suffers as it’s the house hold money that will have to pay for it
he’s not lending it out and selling van was his chose as the car is cheaper to run and no it’s not a cheap banger it’s a bmw and cost me 10k it’s work about 5k now but they are very expensive to get fixed

OP posts:
xogossipgirlxo · 26/07/2022 17:01

For me it's "no lending rule unless to my parents". No lending money, car or anything to lads, brothers, sisters. My BIL borrowed once £150.00 for some tools for work and we couldn't get it back for over a year. In the meantime he bought new iphone and all sort of shit.

xogossipgirlxo · 26/07/2022 17:02

*by "my parents" I mean my FIL too!

1FootInTheRave · 26/07/2022 17:05

Is it his car or not?

Can't imagine dh telling me what I can do with my own belongings.

However, I can't imagine asking to borrow a mates vehicle for a fishing trip either.

Discovereads · 26/07/2022 21:54

Moonchair1 · 26/07/2022 16:58

If the friend damage it etc they cannot afford to fix it and it will be me and my daughter that suffers as it’s the house hold money that will have to pay for it
he’s not lending it out and selling van was his chose as the car is cheaper to run and no it’s not a cheap banger it’s a bmw and cost me 10k it’s work about 5k now but they are very expensive to get fixed

That’s what insurance is for? To pay for any damage that is caused. Just ensure the friends are insured to drive the car.

whowhatwerewhy · 26/07/2022 22:03

Why doesn't your OH go fishing with them and drive ? Problem solved

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