Is this hoarding? Doesn't seem as severe?

[EllaPercy]

Evening all. Name change as could be outing to the person talked about in the thread.

When does being sentimental turn into being a hoarder?

I've offended my cousin today but I do think she's more than sentimental.

Moving house and not had many viewings so estate agent said it's because the house is too cluttered and to clear out and take more photos.

So I went to help as I'm quite the opposite - she says too I'm ruthless as I don't keep much.

She's the opposite. Still has her childhood toys. All her school books. All her DC baby clothes and toys.

Which to me is hoarding.

But that's the row - as it's not like on TV where there is filth 5ft deep. Which I did stress.

There isn't a clear surface in the place. But it isn't a dirty home.

But I do think it's not healthy to not part with anything.

Is there a name for it other than hoarding? It is generally things with sentimental value that she has. But there's just SO MUCH of if.

A mild version?

Yes that's what I was trying to say. But still upset her a lot.

Really wasn't my intention. But to me keeping all your 30 year old teddies = hoarding.

I'd call that hoarding tbh

hoardingdisordersuk.org/research-and-resources/clutter-image-ratings/

llike most things, there's differnt degrees of a problem
you wouldn't go from having a supremely organised uncluttered home to being featured in a reality tv program for hoarding overnight.
the link above is a series of images of different rooms & different levels of clutter/hoards.
If its holding up the sale of the house, rent a storage unit for a few weeks? temporarily decluttering and living without stuff for a few weeks might be a bit of a trial run.

I'd think it could be the start of hoarding. People doesn't suddenly have a load of belongings they can't bear to get rid of, it happens gradually. It's a mental illness though, I think, it isn't easy for people to just get over.

People don't suddenly*

I don’t think it’s hoarding. I am a sentimental person and like to hang onto things. I do throw stuff away eventually but it takes me a while to get to that point. I have only recently, aged 30, thrown away my old school books. I have also recently given away some of my childhood toys. It takes time for the emotional attachment / nostalgia to wear off and to realise that there is no benefit to keeping the item and likely never will be.
I think hoarding is more about compulsively accumulating stuff, even rubbish.

I would say it's hoarding, imagine how bad it will be in 30 years if she continues to accumulate stuff without parting with anything. Can she take digital photos of some of the less treasured items and start to declutter? It does get easier. My Mum was a hoarder when I was growing up and I used to get upset about getting rid of old worn out clothes etc. I've learnt to appreciate not living in a cluttered house and am a lot more picky about what I buy and will just get rid of something as soon as it breaks if it's not economical to repair it.

Its 'hoarding tendencies' - I have them...

@ThinWomansBrain

Interesting link. Thanks.

Thing is those pictures are actually really different to my cousins house.

There isn't rubbish on the floor. And the beds can be slept in and sofa sat on.

So in that respect it's like the least cluttered images.

But. What those scales don't have are what's in their home.

Walls crammed with as many shelves and bookcases as will fit. With old Knick knacks and toys and books.

Every windowsill is stuff on display. Sofa has soft toys all along the back and a lots of cushions and blankets.

Hundreds of DVDs and computer games in racks around the TV.

Kitchen sides have loads of gadgets and cake stands and snacks as the cupboards are bursting with at least 50 mugs.

So yes very cluttered but the clutter scales go from "bare" to "literal rubbish on the floor and sofa" and sort of don't apply to cousin.

Which I why I think she doesn't see it as a hoard. More a collection I guess?

The problem is for example she recently found at my Aunt's house her old Sylvanian families. But a few bits were missing that she remembered from childhood so she found them on eBay and bought them.

I guess it runs in the family as my parents 100% have none of my childhood toys left in their house.

Which I have voiced to her before and she was very sad for me.

Not true hoarding at all in my opinion

but who's going to take a 30 year old Teddy bear? she is either going to gave to keep it or throw it in the bin and if it has sentimental value (childhood toys and books do) then why would she throw it away.

I wouldn't throw any of mine away If I still had them. and I often wished I'd saved more.

Also its her stuff not yours so you won't see the 'boat game' or the 'fairy game' when you pick up her old Teddy but she will and it probably still brings her joy, sparking memories of childhood with a tangible object

It's not hoarding. It may look like "clutter" to the modern eye and need to be removed from sight presale, but it is rather rude to refer to someone's treasured possessions as a hoarding problem.

Sounds like a tidy version of Stage 4.

It's clearly a problem if you walk into a room and can't see or access the walls and windows because it's so stuffed with stuff and of course, it's going to put buyers off.

Your cousin's house is my nightmare. If she's not an "official" hoarder, she's right on the brink, and it wouldn't take much to tip the scales.

oh you'd hate my house and I don't care. I like my stuff. I do go through it occasionally, at least once a year, and thin it out and yes I know when i sell I will need to rent storage in order to stage the house. I can see why your cousin was offended and if you were my cousin and criticised my house and lifestyle I would be more than offended. Of course its okay for you to choose a more minimalist lifestyle but you shouldn't be judging others.

this

and this

I agree those photos do not help as they do not show a hoarder who "tidies". I have a friend who is probably at a stage 8. You can't get to her cooker anymore, have to walk through walkways, but everything is tidily stacked up in boxes almost ti the ceiling.

I think it does sound like hoarding. She is keeping things she will never actively use. 50 mugs is ridiculous!
Full disclosure; even the stage 1 photos look a mess to me!

Not every one has to be a minimalist. I love my sentimental objects and knick knacks and things on display. Most of MN would probably faint in horror. It’s often linked to age but I’m 24 and I like a full environment, always have.

Don't get me wrong, it doesn’t impede on living spaces or walkways but I have a few shelving units and many pictures hung up. It doesn’t seem like hoarding to me anyway

I forgot to add, it does sound like she has too much stuff but calling it hoarding is the least helpful thing to do. She’s picturing those TV images of filth and despair and thinks you see her like that.

@HintofVintagePink stage one is totally normal.

I am a hoarder, and the daughter of a squalor hoarder. It's painful just typing it.

You might not guess from my home. It’s clean, normal looking,
and relatively organized. The 'home' I grew up in, was very extreme and the total opposite, so for a long time I was in happy denial that I was a hoarder, because I presented so very differently from my parent.

I’ve spent years battling myself and eating away at erasing and controlling different parts of the condition. The stuff is just the visible symptom. It absolutely is a MH condition, and genuine educated help is rare.

Part of my issues may be learned behavior, and part may be genetic, but a large part is almost certainly a response to a very horrible shameful childhood which included the repeated loss of everything, and everyone, combined with a creative ability to see potential in lots of things that others wouldn’t.

The clutter scales cause a lot of issues for people who are in control of their possession, homes, and cleanliness, or who are additionally hoarding in storage out buildings etc, because the images don’t relate to how many live.

Additionally you have a raft of people living in extreme foul conditions, considered hoarders who aren't actually hoarders, having no emotional attachment to what they're surrounded by.

When is it an issue? When it damages and impacts yours and others quality of life, and/or mental well being, use of space, and finances. The bigger the home and or additional storage, the more potential of ‘getting away’ with hoarding tendencies, the smaller the home the more likely you are for it to become problematic earlier.

If you’re sentimental and keep everything from childhood, etc, and have the room to comfortably do that, you’re actually fine as long as that situation remains.

The problem comes when you don’t, especially if life changes suddenly, and you find the impossibility of letting go is greater than the need to, regardless of the price of that.

The reason your cousin is so upset is because stupidly we stigmatize people with the condition and treat them as lesser with lesser rights.

While items are kept tidily, displayed, organized and clean, it is technically labeled a collection, only the owner knows how deep or problematic or not their attachment is, and if it's actually organized hoarding.

My late husband WAS a hoarder; he did not hoard filthy items, he did not keep items in a way that made them dirty; he kept items in a clean way BUT he had way too many things, he kept childhood items and NEVER got those items out of the door. Our house was floor to ceiling with stuff kept in boxes or storage crates; when we moved, we had to put stuff in storage, so prospective buyers could see what the rooms were like. Too much stuff for the rooms available makes someone a hoarder in my book. He always thought that if we could just have one more room for storage, everything would be OK. Since he died, I have sold/given away absolutely tons of stuff and I feel less anxious, having suffered from anxiety for years.
I would argue that not all hoarders are living in filth, but a lot will end up that was because they just don't have the room to keep items. It does get out of control in the end, and it did with him.