Who is BU? DS's hair cut

[FruityPooty]

Who is BU? Parent 1 or Parent 2. I will try to present both as factually as I can.

Parent 1: (to DS, 11yo) we need to go get your hair cut. (It's longer than normal, his hair is curly and thick so it gets bushy pretty quickly)

DS: I don't want a haircut. I like it this way.

Parent 1: Ok. But you need to get it done before school starts.

DS: Yeah, ok. I'll probably need it done in a week or two.

Parent 2: (to DS) No. It's too long and looks messy. Go get your hair cut.

DS: I should be able to choose how I want my hair.

Parent 1: (to Parent 2) I agree with DS. It's summer holiday and there's nothing pressing he needs to look smart for. Let it grow for now.

Parent 2: (to Parent 1) There are standards that should be upheld. Why don't we just let him get away with everything? Let's just let him parent himself, he doesn't need us. You're not parenting him, you're an absent parent. You're being neglectful.

Ok, it's probably pretty clear which parent I am but this is what was said, almost verbatim, minus the ensuing argument.

It’s the child’s hair, he gets to decide when it’s cut and how it’s cut. This is part of your child developing autonomy and learning to reflect and make his own personal decisions.

His hair. His choice.

My DS used to go for weird and wacky haircuts and ear piercing on the first day of summer hols - his choice for those 6 weeks - then a day before school started in September, the earrings came out and the hair colours/silly styles got removed so tidy for school! 🤷‍♀️ No issues … and some of the photos are still worth a look 25 years later!
It’s really not a problem, if he’s on hols.

Parent 2 is being the most unreasonable, but you are both being a bit unreasonable in turning a complete nothing into a big hoo-ha.

Parent 1 probably should have asked if he wanted a haircut rather than telling him he needed one but that’s really minor compared to parent 2 who sounds like a complete psycho.

He's 11, for me that means hair interventions are related to hygiene. This is the age you must start allowing personal choice or the teens will he hell

Let him be responsible for his own hair.
Both parents are ridiculous arguing over a child's hair.
No idea what parent you are OP 1 or 2 ?

He’s 11, it’s his hair.

His hair his choice, when ds was 8 he wanted to grow his hair. It looked awful but he loved it for a while.

Why does he need it cut before school starts?

Is there a school uniform policy on hair?

I know a few boys with long hair/afros/lovely shaggy curls.

School is a different matter - my DC's schools had very, very strict rules about hair.

They could do what they liked with their hair in the holidays.

Parents should avoid undermining one another - but sometimes one is being such a complete twat that it's unavoidable (Parent 2 in this case).

He's 11, let him decide. The summer holidays means that he can grow it and have fun with it, until his back to school haircut.

My dad has had a day in her hair since she was 6. If she wants it long, she grows it, if she wants it cut, we go to hairdressers.
She's 9 now and has had it cut today into a chin length type Bob.

If trying to teach my child that she has bodily autonomy makes me an absent parent, then I'm fine with that tbh

Obviously you're parent 1!

It's his hair. I think telling him he needs it tidied up a bit for school is fine but the length and style needs to be his choice

Get him some thinning shears to help with the thickness and then let him have it however he wants, regardless of school.

His hair, his choice. It’s not neglect it’s respecting his individuality!

You're going to find the teenaged long greasy metal head / grunge head stage great fun.

My son has long hair and he gets to choose when it needs cut and what length to have it. His school doesnt have hair rules so it can be whatever style or colour you want

He needs and wants a haircut now so we made an appointment with my hairdresser as she cuts it how he likes it.

In the summer let them do what they want. DS2's friends all have ghastly fades or mullets! Will be back to relatively normal for school.

Parent 1 shouldn’t be undermining Parent 2 in front of child. It Parent 1 and 2 disagree they should talk about it in private and present a united front in front of the child.

Instead Parent 1 had teamed up with child, presenting Parent 2 as the outsider to be ignored.

Parent 2 needs to unclench.

My 11 year old son has bright magenta hair right now, we dyed it on the first day of the summer break. He knows that He'll have to get it cut much shorter and potentially dyed brown depending on the regrowth when it's time to go back to school.
Right now he's enjoying looking like something from an anime cartoon.

His hair, his choice I'd say. Totally unnecessary battle......if this is the hill Parent 2 wants to die on, then God help them when the real battles start 😉

I'm not a fan of long hair on boys, so I would just book in my DS for a hair cut and not make a big deal about it. He has his hair cut every 6-8 weeks (nothing too severe), and always looks smart and tidy, which is good for school and keeps him cool in the summer. However, Parent 2 was unnecessarily rude to Parent 1, which is unacceptable.

He should be able to decide how he wants his hair at 11 (school rules notwithstanding), especially if he wants it longer. I must admit I did discourage DD 6 from cutting her's short as I went through a brief tomboy phase and cut mine really short then got upset how long it took to grow back.

I wouldn't book my ds in for a haircut unless he wanted me too

Who cares if you arent a fan of long hair on boys as its not your hair?