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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

So upset just need to tell someone

96 replies

cadburyegg · 25/07/2022 02:52

Shameless posting for traffic. I've had a bad day with my mental health today and couldn't sleep so went for a drive. I was going 30 in a 40mph zone and hit a cat that darted across the road.

I took it to the emergency vet who scanned for a chip and will let the owners know. I just got home. I'm so upset and feel so horrendously guilty I can't stop crying. I've just given my own cat a big hug. I feel so awful and guilty for going out in the first place. That poor cat and it's family SadSad

OP posts:
Ponoka7 · 25/07/2022 02:56

I've always had cats, love my current fluffy male to bits. I accept that one day they might not come home. It's how it is with cats who go outside. You've done nothing wrong. Many drivers don't stop for cats, it was good of you to do so. You've had a shock, be kind to yourself.

MumTrain · 25/07/2022 02:58

You did the right thing taking it to the vets. I hope things are better for you soon.

DogWithMyOwnRoom · 25/07/2022 03:00

Sending you virtual hug in case no one else is awake. You will know this is a risk/worry all cat owners have to live with and at least you have saved them some worry by identifying them as quick as possible. Be kind to yourself, these things happen, x

TheNestedIf · 25/07/2022 03:19

This happened to our childhood cat (we didn't even live near a busy road).

It wasn't your fault, you didn't mean it, and you've done the right thing, which is as much as you could. ❤

octoberfarm · 25/07/2022 03:29

Oh love, I'm so sorry that happened and on a bad day already. I just wanted to offer you an unmumsnetty hug and to say that you were really kind and thoughtful to take it to the vets - I bet the owners will be grateful to you for that. I totally understand how awful you must feel (truly, I'd feel the same way) but sometimes these things do just happen, especially with cats. Hope you're able to get some rest, and please don't be too hard on yourself. You did everything you could Flowers

MaxiPaddy · 25/07/2022 04:02

It's been over 12 years since my beloved boy didn't come home one day. I accept he was probably run over - what I don't accept is how someone probably just kept going.

Not knowing, and always waiting means I will never get over his death. You did such a kind thing taking him to the vets and giving his family peace. Accidents happen - don't blame yourself. You did the right thing after, and that makes all the difference in the world. 💐

LovelyYellowLabrador · 25/07/2022 04:06

It was an accident not your fault
you did more then most by taking it to the vets
weve had a cat before that we loved but if you allow it out you accept the risk it could get run over
at least the cat had a happy life with freedom

do not feel bad it wasn’t your fault
it’s just an accident

Elfblossom · 25/07/2022 04:08

Cats and squirrels (and a lot of teenagers!) are twats when it comes to crossing roads.

Please don't feel too bad for too long.
I'm a cat owner and if it were my cat, I'd know by the fact you'd taken him/her to a vet that you're a good person & it was an accident.

WheelofLife · 25/07/2022 04:13

It was really kind of you to take it to the vet. A lot of people wouldn’t have. I know you’re upset but it really wasn’t your fault. It was just an accident. Look after yourself

Lagertha6 · 25/07/2022 04:18

Aw its not your fault. Sending hugs xx

villainousbroodmare · 25/07/2022 04:30

I've done this. Absolutely horrible feeling. But not your fault. Please don't let it stop you going out. Hugs.

StrawberryPot · 25/07/2022 04:41

Oh poor you. I understand why you feel awful but you've done nothing wrong. And most people wouldn't even stop, never mind take the cat to a vet. I've had 2 cats run over and in both cases they were just left by the side of the road. My teenage son found one of them on his way to school which was very distressing for him.

You've had a nasty shock, but please don't blame yourself.

scarletisjustred · 25/07/2022 04:50

It was an accident and you did the decent thing. I know you will feel all shakey and upset because it was an upsetting thing. Logically I don't think the outcome would have been any different at 30 mph though in future you might want to resolve to drop your speed a bit rather than letting it creep up. Perhaps a modest donation to the SPCA would make you feel better but only if you can afford something.

StrawberryPot · 25/07/2022 04:53

@scarletisjustred - the op was doing 30. In a 40 zone.

NeedMoreMilk · 25/07/2022 04:58

I’m so sorry. Please try not to feel guilty though, this wasn’t your fault and you did everything you could.

It’s always a risk with cats that are allowed outside and I am certain the owners will appreciate that went to the emergency vet in the middle of the night. That shows what sort of person you are 💐

ViennaDreams · 25/07/2022 04:59

You poor thing, what a horrible shock, especially as you were already feeling fragile. Our family car hit a rabbit a few days back. It was an awful feeling knowing it was our car that killed it. But I also knew there wasn’t a thing we could have done about it as it just darted out into the road.

You really weren’t doing anything wrong and it could have been anybody. Try to see it from the perspective that many people would have just driven on. You did such a kind thing taking it to the vet and easing the pain for the owner. Hugs.

PrayTell · 25/07/2022 05:00

I’m a life-long cat lover, and I want to send you a hug ❤️ You really are a very kind and caring person to stop and take the cat in. I would hope someone would do that for my cats. I once hit a cat that darted out in front of my car. I stopped but I couldn’t find it anywhere. I was so upset.

GETTINGLIKEMYMOTHER · 25/07/2022 05:06

That happened to me - no way could I have avoided it. I know how horribly upsetting it is, but it honestly wasn’t your fault. Cats have zero road sense.

We’ve had two cats killed on the road, and we don’t even live very near a busy one.

JoolsHoneybee · 25/07/2022 05:12

This reply has been deleted

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Catlover1970 · 25/07/2022 05:29

I’d be upset too. You stopped and did All you could. Some owners never find out what happened to their beloved cats. I’m a huge cat lover with An adorable old moggy so I know how you’re feeling xxx

scarletisjustred · 25/07/2022 05:34

I'm so sorry I misread that you were in fact doing 30 mph in a 40 mph zone. In that case you have absolutely nothing to reproach yourself about. You weren't speeding and you stopped and took the cat to the vet - there wasn't anything more you could have done.

Reenskar · 25/07/2022 06:17

It was an accident and you did the right thing. The family will be grateful to know what happened rather than left wondering. If this had happened to your best friend I’m sure you would give them the same advice so please don’t be too hard on yourself.

Emotionalsupportviper · 25/07/2022 06:20

cadburyegg · 25/07/2022 02:52

Shameless posting for traffic. I've had a bad day with my mental health today and couldn't sleep so went for a drive. I was going 30 in a 40mph zone and hit a cat that darted across the road.

I took it to the emergency vet who scanned for a chip and will let the owners know. I just got home. I'm so upset and feel so horrendously guilty I can't stop crying. I've just given my own cat a big hug. I feel so awful and guilty for going out in the first place. That poor cat and it's family SadSad

Cats are cats - I have two and always dread that one day they just might not come home.

You did much more than many people - you took it to a vet and had the chip scanned. I hope that if anything happens to my cats then whoever hits/finds them does the same - then I will know what has happened to them.

A friend lost his cat on bonfire night some years ago. It was a housecoat - in 12 he had never been out of doors, but (Sod's law) shot out of the house on that night of all nights. For weeks he and his family put up notices, searched garages, sheds, bins in vain, looking for poor Zack. They never found him. Our friend was tortured with wondering what had happened to him.

You hit the cat by accident - awful, but not your fault - (I'm assuming the cat died - you don't say )but you have at least given the owner a chance to grieve and the peace of mind that comes from knowing what has happened to their beloved pet..

Allicando · 25/07/2022 06:23

I got a similar call from a local vets on Good Friday this year to say my cat had been hit and brought in. It was a young lad that hit her, he was really upset apparently. I was very grateful to him for taking her, at least we knew she was gone Flowers

romdowa · 25/07/2022 06:31

At least you brought it in. This time last year my dog ran and someone hit him with a car and took him home and kept him in a porch for nearly 2 days in a heat wave with a broken spine. They lived a 2 minute walk from the vet and I spent 2 days searching the area for my poor baby dog while 6 months pregnant. I'd have been so thankful if they'd at least took him to the vet. You've done all you can ❤❤

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