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Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

So upset just need to tell someone

96 replies

cadburyegg · 25/07/2022 02:52

Shameless posting for traffic. I've had a bad day with my mental health today and couldn't sleep so went for a drive. I was going 30 in a 40mph zone and hit a cat that darted across the road.

I took it to the emergency vet who scanned for a chip and will let the owners know. I just got home. I'm so upset and feel so horrendously guilty I can't stop crying. I've just given my own cat a big hug. I feel so awful and guilty for going out in the first place. That poor cat and it's family SadSad

OP posts:
JustlookingNotbuying · 25/07/2022 09:09

It’s very much not your fault. Many cats just have no road sense.
I have had 4 cats and lost 3 to the road, it’s why I chose not to have any more as I am pretty certain it would continue to happen, they are so silly bless them.
As a fellow poor mental health sufferer I say please be kind to yourself, things like this can make you feel awful but it was fate and totally out of your control.

RewildingAmbridge · 25/07/2022 09:11

Last week coming home I had to stop the car and get out on a narrow side street to shoo a cat away. He lives three doors down but this was a few streets away, he's mainly black and if dark I wouldn't have seen him just laying in the road, also I know he does this regularly so keep an extra close eye out, also the street in question is very narrow with cats parked either side so can't go more than about 10/15 mph. I know he will end up run over at some point and it won't be the driver's fault. We keep our black cat in over night because of the risks.
You did the right thing taking him to the vet.

MerylSqueak · 25/07/2022 09:11

Thank you for taking the cat to the vet.

I have just lost my lovely boy, not to a car I think, but he was found by someone in their garden and they took him in to have his chip read. I'm so, so sad about him but knowing he is gone stops me worrying he's trapped somewhere I can't find him dying of thirst, which had been torturing me. I'm so grateful to them.

JustlookingNotbuying · 25/07/2022 09:12

Oh and thank you so much for taking it to the vets, that is the most kind and thoughtful thing to do. We found two of our cats (brothers who both got hit 4 months apart) weeks later and I felt so bad that they may have suffered for days. The other was placed by the driver on a neighbours door step.

HereWeGoAgainorBust · 25/07/2022 09:15

Don't feel bad. Cats often just dash across a road and it's why so many of them get knocked over. You took to a vets and did the right thing. It's one of those things.

Try to understand it's not your fault.

SallyWD · 25/07/2022 09:16

You poor thing. I have a cat and realise that one day he might get hit by a car but I accept that risk as I want him to have a rich life, roaming outside. You were driving carefully. It wasn't your fault - just one of those things sadly.

Lwren · 25/07/2022 09:18

Just a big hug.
Cats are fucking nightmares, between getting ran over and leaving us for other families, we all know the risks in owning cats and you've been beyond good doing this.
Be kind to yourself and no beating yourself up. Cat owners, we know the deal. It's awful but at least now the owners will know and not wonder what happened.
I'm sorry this happened to you, but if it hadn't been someone as nice as you, the owners may have never had closure.
Youre good people, please don't let this affect your MH, you're 100% blameless. Xx

GreenFingersWouldBeHandy · 25/07/2022 09:19

Oh sweetheart, that's awful but it's not your fault. And you did absolutely the right thing by taking it the vet. Please don't beat yourself up. It could happen to any of us.

Bollindger · 25/07/2022 09:29

That cat has been using up it's lives crossing the road, it had the very good luck to be hit by you. A person who took it to get help, rather than leaving it hurt by the road.

Therealpink · 25/07/2022 09:31

Cat was out, on the road. In no way your fault.

You did a good thing bringing it to the vet.

I hope today is a lot better but it really wasn’t your fault.

Ginbutholdthetonic · 25/07/2022 09:32

Big cat lover here too. My cats gone missing a few times for a week or so and I often think about if she’s been ran over. I never feel blame or anger towards the theoretical driver though. It happens, cats are fast .. and like pheasants they just run out of bloody nowhere half the time.

Youve also done what a lot of people wouldn’t do; seek help. Some people just don’t value cats lives enough and leave them on the side of the road after being hit. You’ve done the best you can and you shouldn’t feel guilty for that.

SnBLurker · 25/07/2022 09:33

I was in the car when my dad ran over a cat years a go and it really was an awful feeling. I picked it up, brought it home and called the number on the tag. It was one of our neighbours, so just added to the awfulness. Saying that, I knew it was nobody's fault. The cats owners felt guilty that they had let the cat out (young cat, only been let out a few times before) but of course they hadn't done anything wrong either.

I'm sorry OP. It's horrible, but don't give yourself a hard time about this.

WhenISnappedAndFarted · 25/07/2022 09:36

When I was 9 I had a cat I absolutely adored, he was my everything. One day he went out and then never came back. He'd been hit by a car and left at the side of the road, one of my neighbours (who happened to be a vet) found him and brought him back to my Mum and said he'd been dead a while and had definitely been hit.

You did the right thing by getting the cat to the vet so the owners can be informed. It's one of the risks of having cats and you did what you could. Accidents happen, don't torture yourself over it.

Mammami · 25/07/2022 09:41

I'm sorry about the cat OP, no way of avoiding it. I'm also concerned about you - are you ok generally? I wouldn't drive in the middle of the night because that's when you get lots of dangerous car racers and accidents in any case, so I hope you can find a good strategy for you x

SeekingTact · 25/07/2022 09:43

Elfblossom · 25/07/2022 04:08

Cats and squirrels (and a lot of teenagers!) are twats when it comes to crossing roads.

Please don't feel too bad for too long.
I'm a cat owner and if it were my cat, I'd know by the fact you'd taken him/her to a vet that you're a good person & it was an accident.

All of this - so true. Take it easy on yourself.

Maytodecember · 25/07/2022 09:53

Oh bless you, you did everything you could, a lot of drivers would have just left the poor thing. Not your fault at all it ran in front of you, just one of those things.
💐

CoffeeLover90 · 25/07/2022 09:55

I love all animals, and have a cat myself, but I do accept it's possible for cats to be knocked over. What's not OK is the ones who knock over and carry on, with little more thought than if they bumped the kerb. It was an accident and afterwards you did a wonderful thing, helping the family have closure. And I thank you very much for posting as it's reminded me to update my cats chip details. Thankfully he has a fear of the outdoors (strange creature) but better safe than sorry.

MumofSpud · 25/07/2022 10:03

Well done for taking it to the vet - so many wouldn't
Maybe you were supposed to be the one to hit the cat as others would have left it
(Hope that makes sense - it did in my head)
Flowers

Brefugee · 25/07/2022 10:06

OP I'm sorry to hear about your bad day.
It was an accident, and you did the absolute right thing by taking the cat to the vet. So many people just drive on and leave them dead or suffering by the roadside.

I hope the kind messages here help you at least a little?
Flowers

Carrieonmywaywardsun · 25/07/2022 10:07

Cat owners all know that it could happen to their cat. It's a risk of pain we accept and when it happens we know it's such a freak accident that cannot be stopped nor can the blame be put on anyone. You could have driven away but you didn't and that's what matters. The cat's owner will know you didn't do it on purpose and they'll be okay.

PinkSparklyPussyCat · 25/07/2022 10:09

Oh bless you. Accident's happen and unfortunately cats have no road sense which is why we cat proofed the garden. Thank you for stopping and taking the cat to the vet, if I was the owner I would be so grateful for you for doing that.

ClocksGoingBackwards · 25/07/2022 10:14

You did nothing wrong. Cat owners know there’s a risk when they let their cats out, especially if they allow it at night.

You were a lot braver than I would have been, I would be too scared to get out the car in the middle of the night and I’m not good with cats anyway so would be too worried to pick up an injured cat even if I had blankets or something in the car to use.

You should be proud of how much you did for that cat and it’s family.

CustardySergeant · 25/07/2022 10:14

Viviennemary · 25/07/2022 08:55

It would have been no different at 30 mph. You did the right thing taking it to the vet. I agree you have done all you can.

She was doing 30 mph!

MrsLargeEmbodied · 25/07/2022 10:22

you are totally justified to feel upset.
i hit a squirrel, it did manage to run off and the following day another had a near miss
it is an upsetting event.

oakleaffy · 25/07/2022 10:23

MaxiPaddy · 25/07/2022 04:02

It's been over 12 years since my beloved boy didn't come home one day. I accept he was probably run over - what I don't accept is how someone probably just kept going.

Not knowing, and always waiting means I will never get over his death. You did such a kind thing taking him to the vets and giving his family peace. Accidents happen - don't blame yourself. You did the right thing after, and that makes all the difference in the world. 💐

So sorry for your loss.
One day, we were walking and our two dogs trotted to the field they used to run on , but stopped halfway and stood over a cat.
They would not come when I called, just stood staring in my direction.

I walked up, and the cat was semi~sitting on the road ..It was a very hot day, and the cat was miaowing, loudly, With my hounds looking on, quietly.
tried to ''shoo'' the cat off the road, but he wouldn't move.

I gave him a gentle push, and felt bone move under my hand.

His gums were white.
He needed a vet urgently.
We hitched to the local vets, the three animals and me on a kindly driver's back seat.

The cat, ''Henry'' had immediate treatment due to internal bleeding and he had a fractured pelvis and femur.

The owners were so grateful, Henry had surgery and crate rest , and I was lucky enough to meet him and his owners when he was well again.

Vet said he would have died within the hour had he not been taken to a vet's.

A driver surely would have known that a cat had been hit.
They should have checked.

@cadburyegg You did all you could. I hope the cat makes it.

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