to not let DS2 go to the beach every night

[FunnysInLaJardin]

DS2 is 12 and over the summer a couple of his mates and their mums have taken to going to a beach 30 minutes from us every night. They go from 7 to around 10pm.

Every night they ask him to go with them.

We eat at about 7.30-8pm every night and so this really eats into our evening. Our evening meal is the only time we all really have to get together.

So my AIBU is should I let him go every night or is a couple of nights a week enough. It feels intrusive to me tbh

We do go to the sea with him regularly as we have a beach just down the road.

If he really wants to go, and his mates are there, then I'd accommodate it tbh. I'd either go with them and take a picnic, or move dinner. Childhood is short and summers are even shorter...I wouldn't make this a hill to die on, personally. It's only a few more years until he'll be going wherever and whenever he pleases anyway.

He is getting older and will want to spend more time with his mates. I'd let him go a few nights a week.

would you do it every night though? I have another DC who also eats with us

OP should give up every evening to drive an hour round journey so her son can sit on a beach and eat a picnic with mates he most likely just spent the day with at school?

Are you for real?

It's Summer so just let him enjoy it.

Forcing him to stay home and eat with you will only make him resentful.

If he wants to go every night, and he's safe there and welcome with his friends' mums, then yes, I'd let him go as often as he wanted to at 12. I tried to stick to a policy of not curtailing their preferred activities unless there was a really good reason - safety, for example, or the need to do schoolwork. I wouldn't say no purely because it made me sad not to have them around. I find they spend more time around you voluntarily if they're not feeling like they have to fight their way free.

Yes I would let him go every night if he wanted to as before you know it, it will be September, getting dark and cold and he won't be going.
Can he not eat his dinner when he's back? Zap it in the microwave

I understand your point about it being family time but he won't care for family time unfortunately and I'd be glad he was out in the fresh air enjoying himself.

Maybe you could go along sometimes too?
I'd love to live by a beach.

Where does the OP say she has to drive him?

I assure you I am quite real

Mine are 18 and 20 now, and I have very good relationships with them both. I' not sure what was so shocking that it made you doubt my existence, but everybody's different.

The fact the other mums are going and she doesn’t say a lift has been offered?

To be honest I would be surprised if their mums were going, I think it’s more likely they’re meeting girls and having a few cans.

Let him go and have fun.

He doesn't want to go to the beach with you, OP. He wants to be with his mates.

I didn’t say ARE you real 😂

Yabu. Either serve a meal at 6pm or plate his 7.30pm meal up for him to microwave at 6pm the next night. Yabu to force him to spend every evening with you.

I would be delighted if my son was doing this every night, instead he's on his Xbox

Going to the beach every night as a 12 yr old with mates sounds amazing - the kind of thing that he’ll have memories of for life.

Sounds like a great way to spend summer evenings out and about safely. I'd be encouraging this. He's 12 he's not bothered about sit down family meals every night. Why not go along sometimes and get to know the mums. Take dc2 with you and take them for a walk and a play while ds1 is with his mates

I think one or two nights of family eating together is enough, outside of that I'd let him go. Is he defo going with his mates family though?

we have a lovely time as a family and do lots of stuff he really enjoys. I am torn, because I don't want to stop him being with his mates and he is every day, including the weekends when they all meet up, but also we all so enjoy having time together as a family.

He hasn't kicked up a fuss about this at all, and is quite happy to do family stuff, it is just me feeling the guilt!

I am also painfully aware conversely that he soon won't want to spend time with us, and so perhaps I am selfishly having on to that

hanging*

Did you miss the part where OP said they are 12! Unlikely to be drinking and meeting up with girls!

they really aren't. The other mums are there.

We aren't in the UK and out teens are much younger emotionally than UK teens.

Which incidentally I am very happy about.

I'd be so happy for DS having fun with mates, adult supervision, outside.
Maybe ask for one night/week with family, OP.

I’d let him go. As others have said there’s probably only a few weeks of summer where this is possible so I’d let him enjoy it. Forcing him to stay home isn’t likely to lead to pleasant family meals anyway! We also eat quite late same as you, but that’s the exception to the norm I think, so we do need to be flexible.

Anyway,I think I would probably let him but reserve one or two nights a week for family time and make that really special.