to not let DS2 go to the beach every night

[FunnysInLaJardin]

DS2 is 12 and over the summer a couple of his mates and their mums have taken to going to a beach 30 minutes from us every night. They go from 7 to around 10pm.

Every night they ask him to go with them.

We eat at about 7.30-8pm every night and so this really eats into our evening. Our evening meal is the only time we all really have to get together.

So my AIBU is should I let him go every night or is a couple of nights a week enough. It feels intrusive to me tbh

We do go to the sea with him regularly as we have a beach just down the road.

DS1 is 16 and soo not interested. I do know the mums as the kids went through primary together, just rather not yap on a beach with them for 3 hours a night. They are nice, but would rather be at home with DH!

Oh this, 100% this. I assume OP isn't having to drive and he's being picked up by the people inviting him of course.

For me it depends on what they’re doing on the beach for 3 hours every night…do the other mums just drop them off and come back later in which case I wouldn’t be keen. Or are they loosely supervised which I guess would be ok.

However you’re absolutely not unreasonable to want him to eat a meal with his own family 2-3 a week.

They are 12. More likely messing around in the water and running around

I live in the UK and there is no way my 12 year old would be out drinking and meeting up with girls unsupervised!

How would you know? We hid it quite well!

I’d insist on a couple of nights at home with us as a family but let him go on the other nights. Summer nights at the beach are the best.

1. OP has said the other mum's are driving

1. School's out for summer

I'm sure it will fizzle out and won't end up being every night all summer.

I think there's a compromise to be had here - could you go down to the beach one night a week, keep him at home 2 nights a week and let him go with the others 4 nights a week?

Then he gets to have the amazing summer that he'll remember forever but you still see him 3 nights a week.

Because if he isn't with me then I make sure I know who he is with and he is only with parents I trust. This isn't the 90s or 00s!

that is I think what we will end up with, a compromise. A few nights here and a few nights on the beach.

Just dont want it every night

Compromise, it doesn’t need to be every night.

I can with 100% certainty say DS2 is not meeting girls or drinking. When he is at the beach other mums are there, when he is at home we are there.

He's 12, not 17!

dont know about the UK, but there is zero chance he could get away with that here, never mind actually getting their hands on cans of beer!

I'd be looking for a compromise here, EVERY night is a bit much at 12 years old, no?
It'll be soon enough before he really is out every night and not wanting to spend a moment at home.
4 nights out, 3 nights home maybe?
He's only 12 fgs!

😬

Not every night, no. Yanbu, but do you invite the other boys to supper with you instead?

Your son is getting older, he wants different company and conversation. You could encourage him to invite his friends to his home.

That makes sense - but I do think you need to let him go and enjoy himself most of the time. My friend whose parents kept them in most of the time were really resentful and it didn't make them treasure the time they had with their families.

Let him go.

If he wants to go, let him go. He'll choose to stay home if that's what he wants.

As long as the other mums don't start to feel like you should be taking a turn.

Don't make him stay home. You want kids who WANT to spend time at home/with you Not ones wishing they were at the beach with their mates.

I would’ve loved for my dd to have friends to spend time with every day. I would be fine with this. It’s only while it’s the summer months so I would want my dc to enjoy. You still have many years to spend time with him

I have to say I think it's amazing he has thus opportunity. This is literally a dream summer many many kids never get.

Let him go. As others have said it will fizzle out.

Hmm not sure having a just turned 12 year old. 30 mins drive or walk? How does he get there and back?

Wouldn’t be happy with that until 10pm in the UK at 12 being so far away but assuming you are confident he’d be safe and not swimming in the dark at least!, I’d try to make an earlier dinner to facilitate or plate his up until he got back.

I’d rather encourage the socialisation if it’s going to be positive and not getting into mischief.

It is, but luckily where we live it will be his every summer. We are 2 minutes from our nearest beach and there must be 30 other beaches nearby he can go to. So the beach thing is great but very normal for our lucky children

Why do they choose to go to the beach 30 min away instead of the local beach?

I'm still not clear if he's being offered a lift with someone else or if you're expected to rearrange your night to take him.

If it's the former I'd let him go for sure. No way would I take him every single night though.