Am I being mean?

[Totallyexhausted1]

DS and his friend have both gotten into summer camp. Not done before but others in class have. I was so excited as summer can get long. DS’s friends mum just contacted me to ask if I can drop off and pick her son up. I’m in a real pickle as I don’t work so obviously can’t decline but she works and if I don’t drop off and pick up her son can’t go.

I know it’s so easy to say “just say no”. I don’t feel I can. Truthfully I don’t even know if her house is on the way or if I’ll be going out of my way so I’ve explained I’ll check out the journey and let her know.

it’s so annoying as I planned we’d do stuff after or before but I feel I’m stuck now. The camp is not local either, it’s a 30-45 minute drive away.

"So sorry but we have other plans and I won't be able to help out this summer."

If she was planning to rely on you for transport for her DS she should have cleared it with you before applying!

Also I won’t be taking him everyday as it’s not compulsory so I’ll feel I have to decide before as I need to let her know rather than waking up and seeing how we feel. It’s so bloody annoying these things always happen to me. I can never get excited things always go wrong. I was looking forward to having time to myself.

Say of course, which two days do you want to do and I'll do the other two then we can decide on the other day each week. That will put her off but it's a completely reasonable suggestion she can back down from without looking super shifty

Maybe suggest she drops him at yours before hand and picks him up? Then your not going out of your way ?

Is it a long camp or a daily one? If its every day then she's a cheeky cow asking you to do that multiple times so I'd just say "no sorry because of the distance and cost of petrol atm I'll be tying drop offs and pick ups in with various other things so wouldn't be able to commit to dropping (her kids name)"

If its a one off camp for a long weekend or a full week I'd offer to give him a lift one way and possibly pretend I'd misinterpreted "that's a good idea to share pick up and drop off, petrol is so expensive at the moment it would have cost a bit going there and back twice, drop off is probably easier for me but I might be able to do pick up instead if it's easier for you."

She would have to be a real cf to repeat she wants you to do both and if she does and you don't want to just reiterate as above "sorry I've just discussed with dp/my mum/friend and we are going to visit mum/friend on the way there/back so probably better if we each just make our own way"

Yeah I thought of doing that but the camp doesn’t start till 11am so I’ll be stuck from 7:30 with someone else’s child plus I won’t have a lie in. She’ll have to drop him off before work. Why do people bloody do this? I would just not send him rather than put someone out.

It’s everyday (Monday - Friday) . 11am to 5pm

Just reply and be honest. "Hey, yes I'm sure that will be fine as long as you can drop him at the house first and pick him up from ours after. There will be times that we are doing things straight before / after so I won't be able to drive him on those days but I'll let you know the night before if I'm not able to"

That's a pain in the arse, just say yea that's fine if you want to drop him here for 10 then we can set off and then pick him up at 6 gives us chance get home" that's more the fair then ?? Xx

Of course you’re not being mean. She can’t get him there so she shouldn’t have applied till she’d sorted something. Assuming you’ll do is incredibly rude.

i suppose it’s not a big deal as I feel it is. Problem is I’m a very nervous driver! I’m okay going to nearby locations but this will involve the motorway. I’m more nervous taking someone else’s child for some weird reason.

Say sorry that’s not convenient for us

Learn how to say no

You're not being mean, and of course you can just say no. Is this camp running all summer long? If it was a week long I'd have no problem, but I wouldn't agree to giving lifts every weekday for weeks on end.

I'd say I can do however often you are comfortable with (weekly? Twice a week?) But I couldn't commit to it every day, as we will have other plans before and after the camp. You're not unreasonable.

I would never ask this of someone. I would make sure i was dropping him on the way home at his otherwise you could get stuck with him at yours with "im on my way texts". Id feel trapped by this and be inclined to say i couldnt commit to this every day

So who will be looking after her son from the time she goes to work to you collecting him?

I really struggle with things like this. I find myself doing things I don’t want to. I wish I hadn’t mentioned it. She would have figured a way to get him there but I shoot my mouth if again. DH thinks most my problems are that I talk too much and tell people things. I should not have mentioned he got in. There’s a huge waiting list so they let parents know one by one as spaces come up.

You don’t want to do it and she’s banking on you feeling too awkward to decline. That’s how people get away with this stuff. She had no qualms about asking and putting you out and you don’t need to have any in saying no you can’t help. You don’t have to apologise or give excuses, it just doesn’t work for you. I expect she’ll find an alternative.

I do know how you feel, honestly. It takes practise saying no and it gets easier every time.

He’s actually going to a different school after the holidays so how do I stop this from happening in new place? Do I just not tell people our plans for the hols? How do I approach these things in the future?

As I’m a SAHM people just assume I’m free!

The thing is she’s actually really nice. I think it’s my insecurities about driving and fear of being taken advantage of.

Either tell her you're only free to do it 2 days per week or as a pp suggested, tell her she needs to arrange someone to drop him to your home at 10am and she picks him up from yours at home time.

It's eithert that or do all the back and forth each day. How many weeks is it for ?

She's looking for wrap around care.
Just say that you can't accommodate the arrangement as it's too long in the morning and that you've got breakfast and shopping and other stuff to do.

If her child can't attend this camp then it's his mum's problem, not your's.

Please don't fall for it... I did , for different reasons and the resentment plus lack of any gratitude, as it was a given for CF friend, meant that our friendship eroded.

‘ I’ll do the drop offs, you do the pick ups’.

How old are they OP?