Am I being mean?

[Totallyexhausted1]

DS and his friend have both gotten into summer camp. Not done before but others in class have. I was so excited as summer can get long. DS’s friends mum just contacted me to ask if I can drop off and pick her son up. I’m in a real pickle as I don’t work so obviously can’t decline but she works and if I don’t drop off and pick up her son can’t go.

I know it’s so easy to say “just say no”. I don’t feel I can. Truthfully I don’t even know if her house is on the way or if I’ll be going out of my way so I’ve explained I’ll check out the journey and let her know.

it’s so annoying as I planned we’d do stuff after or before but I feel I’m stuck now. The camp is not local either, it’s a 30-45 minute drive away.

Just say you’ve checked the journey and unfortunately it’s much too far, sorry about that.

Dont give any excuses or other info that could be refuted.

Who's looking after him while she's at work?

Here's a possible message: "Sorry - I've had a think about the logistics and I'm afraid it's just not going to work with all the things we have planned for before and after the summer club."

Surely she must have thought about transport when she applied! After all, she didn't know your son was going to be going.

Hi, I've had a think and unfortunately i'm not going to be able to help. Have a good summer.

I cant commit to what your asking me due to other plans over the holidays. You will have to make other arrangements sorry.

Did she explain to you that her son wouldn't be able to go unless you agreed? That's quite bad if so, she should never have put that sort of pressure on.

I would explain that you are planning to play it by ear a bit and that it might be the case that on some days your son doesn't end up going at quite short notice. You'd feel uncomfortable agreeing to be somebody else's primary source of transport as it would either limit your flexibility or mean that you had to let them down potentially on the same day.

I'd offer to do 2 days a week and explain you're busy before and after the club on other days.
As I'd want a lie in I'd pick him up on the 2 days but say she's has to pick him up from your house.
Of course you can just say no. You don't have to do it just because she wants you to.

You know it's not just the camp commute, right? She'll be dropping him at yours on her way to work. You're her chosen free childcare from 7:30am every day. There's no other way to do it is there? She won't be taking the mornings off work every day to wait with him until she can drop him at yours in time to go to camp. And it won't matter if you decide not to go for the day. He can just hang out at yours with your son.

PLEASE say no. Tell her that you couldn't possibly commit to that. You're often out and about before camp starts most days and your DS will be deciding daily if he fancies going anyway so wouldn't have set available days. You also go to Aldi and do your food shop on the way home don't you? Or go to your mums to do her hoovering so will rarely be heading straight home.

Non-confrontational pushovers: (yes, like me!) Have a list of pre prepared excuses if you have trouble saying no.keep giving various excuses until the requests or demands stop. That's how I got out of being an unpaid chauffeur to a family on my street. They wanted to go to the shop? They knocked on my door for a lift. All 400 yards to the shop.

You don’t need to give a reason or make up excuses. Just say it doesn’t work for you.

Maybe she's not being a CF and is just asking a favour? Either way, I think it's totally fine ti ask, and totally fine ti say yes or no. What about saying happy to take him on Monday day but to be honest had plans for the rest of the week.

She’s not really nice if she’s expecting you to do her a huge favour like this and laying it on about her son not being able to go unless you agree. As PP’s have said, who’s going to be looking after him till 10:30 every day? Is she expecting you to stop him home after? If your son doesn’t want to go or gets sick one day then what?

If she was being nice she’d offer to split the journeys with you to make everyone’s life a bit easier.

As they’re going to different schools it’s even easier as you won’t be seeing her again.

Mumsnet Favourite, " No" is a complete sentence.

You need to tell her no OP. It's too big of a commitment. She's obviously got you pegged as a soft touch and is trying to bag free childcare.

If she then says he can't go then, then tell her you're sorry to hear that and let it hang.

She isn't nice, she's a CF.

If you do it, do it because you’re choosing to help a friend and helping your son’s friend to enjoy the summer camp. Sometimes doing the right thing means not doing the thing you most want to do. You probably can’t expect the favour to be returned unfortunately, and if you’re asked to do something like this by her again you will have to say no so she doesn’t start to rely on you. If you can do this thing without massively resenting it then do it, it’s not a big sacrifice in the scheme of things.

Sure but I’ll only be able to let you know each morning if we are going that day. If we are you can drop him here at 10.30 and collect at 6.30?

“Sorry I’m not going to be able to help, we’ve got various plans for things before and after camp so I can’t commit to anything else. I hope you get something sorted though” Send your response straight away rather than dwell on it, she sounds really cheeky.

Op you know thr saying...if it costs you your peace of mind its too expensive ? If this will have you fretting all.summer then just say no. Tell her thst you are sorry but you are planning on seeing how you feel each day and it's totally unpredictable which days you will do and you don't want to have to commit.

Or say you plan on going out after and have made plans to see people etc.

If you were super laid back and could say yes and be honest that some days you just won't be going or won't be able to do it then you could say yes

I'm a very sharing caring type person and this strikes me as a very unfair request. The usual deal with lifts is that parents will offer to share ! So I would say..hey both kids are doing thr same club shall we start sharing or swapping lifts

I honestly don't think she is that nice if she is just flat out asking you to do all the driving 40 minutes away ! That means your entire day is built around it.

I’d hate the responsibility of driving someone else’s DC for that long every day.

This is the perfect thing to say.

You’d look like a right idiot if you actually said “no” as a complete sentence

Good lord why did she apply for a place when she can’t get her child there?
I would not be happy at all having someone else’s child I’m my home from 7.30am.
I would say you intend doing things before and after the camp so it doesn’t work for you.

I know this might sound really obvious...but...in your second post you have the answer - you just tell her the truth - you won't be going every day as other last minute plans will likely pop up

I'm like you I agree to everything too haha, but your first reason sounds fine ! You are planning to do things before and after so can't commit to giving lifts.

Have you actually checked out the journey, is it on the way from your house to camp? If it’s 30 minutes the other way that’s obviously a non starter. If you live close and don’t mind I’d offer to share some of the driving. I wouldn’t commit to doing it all.

you can't refuse because you don't work? why not? I mean surely you have stuff you have to get on with, places to go and so on? I think you need Big Girl knickers.