AIBU about wedding buffet.

[HappyDays40]

Long story short my sister gets married soon, all on a shoe string but has advised she has decided that people need to buy their own post- wedding meal from the pub after. It is up to her but my mum said that she will help her out with food costs. I have told her that will agree to a buffet rather than a sit down meal our parents and I will pay the cost as a wedding present ( we can't afford to pay for sit down meals for 30 people).

She has spat her dummy out and said she wanted a sit down meal. I told her she needs to be a bit more grateful. I had a three course sit down dinner at my wedding and she thinks I should pay for something similar (with our parents contributing too). The things is we both earn a similar amount I paid for all my wedding costs and had no additional money from parents. I saved and paid, she thinks I'm being mean with my money.
I'm partly feeling like telling her to piss of altogether but know that our parents will pay the full costs. Please tell your stories of unbelievable ungrateful bridezillas!

Tbh if the bride has said that to guests and they are happy to come and pay then why did @HappyDays40 butt in

This

whatever you were going to budget pp fir buffet so £10/12 roughly x 30

She can then top up if wants or ask people to pay

''she has decided that people need to buy their own post- wedding meal from the pub after. It is up to her but my mum said that she will help her out with food costs. I have told her that will agree to a buffet rather than a sit down meal our parents and I will pay the cost as a wedding present''

Just go back to her original suggestion that folk pay for their own pub grub after the wedding. Nothing wrong with that. It's a sit down meal, which is what she wants.

Why on earth did you offer to pay for the buffet?

Unless we’re talking cheese and mini sausages on toothpicks, you were very naive to offer.

Or was it because you think otherwise your parents would feel forced to pay for a sit down meal?

My narcissistic sister who doesn’t speak to me for years at a time expected me to pay towards her trousseau.

At my wedding I had guestzillas - people demanding to invite their neighbours (!) and my best friend who was always always happy to meet at the drop of a hat said she didn’t want to book the day off work long in advance (had plenty of leave and no kids or partner).

She hasn't sent her invites out yet and I feel hat my mum and dad would feel under pressure to pay for the whole thing. I thought it would be a nice gesture in lieu of a present.
@Blondeshavemorefun I didn't butt in as you put it. I offered and she feels I should be able to afford the whole lot ( which I can't).
The guests don't yet know about the pay your own way meal. I thought it would be nice to offer them something eat as they would potentially be travelling via plane / boat and be paying for hotel stays. We are only talking Ireland from England but it's not a quick hop up the M6.

Given that the OP has given zero indication that the wedding is in Ireland, I don’t really know why we’re getting a lesson in Irish wedding etiquette…

OP’s sister is a typical ‘Option 3’ person - someone who, when offered a clear choice, doesn’t make it, but instead complains that they can’t choose the non-existent option they’d prefer. Sister had two options here: accept the OP’s offer, or politely decline and stick to her original plan. Instead she’s thrown a strop because the OP won’t be guilt-tripped into paying for what she wants. Frankly she’d be getting 20 quid in a card now.

I'm sure she will calm down and apologise she is such a good person. Luckily the wedding is not till spring next year so we have plenty of time. She is not normally like this I just think the stress has been too much for her. 🤓

Why would you offer to pay for sisters food for wedding

@WomanStanleyWoman2

@HappyDays40 states We are only talking Ireland from England but it's not a quick hop up the M6.

@Blondeshavemorefun That post appeared while I was typing 😁 But to be fair I did miss a previous reference to Ireland.

I think you should have let her do the guests pay their own way thing. It's fine in this day and age.

Offering to pay for part of something often results in problems. It starts to dictate what the whole is. Especially if you've offered ''half''.

I mean she doesn't HAVE to accept your offer if it's not what she wants? If she feels comfortable to ask for people to pay for their own meals, just leave her to it.

• Bride wants sit down meal at her wedding and plans to ask guests to pay for their own meal to facilitate this.
• Family member/s don't like the sound of this and start offering money - but only enough for a buffet.
• Bride doesn't want buffet and asks for enough money for the sit down meal to go ahead.
• Family members think she's being greedy.

See? Just leave her be.

she is having a wedding in Ireland and expected guests to pay for their own meal. I hope she isn’t inviting any Irish friends they would be bemused to pay for their own meal. Buffets are very unusual but anything goes for a small wedding but the bride and groom pays.
Free bars aren’t a thing here, no one could afford to pay for it. Although for small weddings there could be a free round or a bit of money behind the bar.
Wedding isn’t until next year why can’t she save up for wedding she wants instead of being so rude to her guests and not even having manners to feed them one meal.

I'm not a wealthy woman so I understand wanting to do it on a budget, but if I was asking guests to travel overseas to another country, which will be expensive in terms of travel, accommodation and annual leave already, I'd think it was pretty tight to expect me to pay for my own food too! She's lucky that you've offered to cover the costs of a buffet or the cash equivalent as your gift, I'd say. Sounds like her refusal is to guilt trip you and your parents to fork out for the 3-course meal.

Her original plan was for a sit-down meal. That is what she wants.
Your mum offered to help her out with food costs (presumably to cover the cost of a sit down meal so that guests didn't have to pay?)
You then pitched up with an entirely different offer. She doesn't want that. I don't see what's inherently unreasonable about that. She knows what she wants - a sit down meal.
I would rescind the offer and let her go back to plan A. People may be affronted at the suggestion of having to pay for their own meal at a wedding and simply not turn up. That'll be her problem. She had other options.

Call her bluff. Although you'll obviously need to get your mum to play along.

She started from the position of "people need to buy their own post- wedding meal from the pub after." I would tell her that since you can't afford to pay for so many meals, and she's not interested in your offer to pay for a buffet, then she should just go with her original plan that her guests will need to buy their own meals. I'd also be dropping into the conversation that you "paid for all my wedding costs and had no additional money from parents" so she should do the same.

Faced with no meals at all, she'll likely backtrack at high speed and accept you and your parents very kind offer to provide a buffet.

She said: Today 10:26
@SleepingStandingUp
I know right! Friends and family are putting some considerable effort to get too. She lives overseas (southern Ireland) we are North England.

So yeah, she said the wedding is in Ireland

I suspect the sister knows she can guilt trip her mum into paying for a sit down meal at least.

I know my own mum would have been mortified if I had made guests pay for their own meal at my wedding, even though my parents weren't expected to nor did they contribute a penny to my wedding.

If she isn’t providing any hospitality, then I hope she isn’t expecting any gifts from her guests.

I think its incredibly rude to invite people to an event you're hosting and not offer any hospitality to them. It's even more rude when you factor in the travel most of them would undertake to attend.

I think you did a nice thing and she's taking the piss by asking for more rather than politely declining if she doesn't like your suggestion.

I think your offer was lovely and honestly if she can't afford to pay for her guests meal then she should have a smaller wedding. That's just embarrassing to do that.

She cant expect people to travel from ireland and make them pay for their own food 😮. People ferries, accommodation and fuel alone will be £600 plus for them to pay. The ferry from belfast to scotland is £400 return at the mo

If people have made the effort to travel across borders for a wedding, probably bringing presents, I really don't think it's fine at all to expect guests to pay for themelves. Even if the wedding reception were just in a pub down the road from my home, I wouldn't appreciate the lack of hospitality on the couple's part that much, either.

Just revert to what she asked for? People pay for their own sit down meal?