AIBU about wedding buffet.

[HappyDays40]

Long story short my sister gets married soon, all on a shoe string but has advised she has decided that people need to buy their own post- wedding meal from the pub after. It is up to her but my mum said that she will help her out with food costs. I have told her that will agree to a buffet rather than a sit down meal our parents and I will pay the cost as a wedding present ( we can't afford to pay for sit down meals for 30 people).

She has spat her dummy out and said she wanted a sit down meal. I told her she needs to be a bit more grateful. I had a three course sit down dinner at my wedding and she thinks I should pay for something similar (with our parents contributing too). The things is we both earn a similar amount I paid for all my wedding costs and had no additional money from parents. I saved and paid, she thinks I'm being mean with my money.
I'm partly feeling like telling her to piss of altogether but know that our parents will pay the full costs. Please tell your stories of unbelievable ungrateful bridezillas!

I'm not trying to, I offered to pay she thinks I should pay for a sit down meal.

I think give her the option - buffet or nothing. It's still a sit down meal. They chose their food then sit down. They don't eat it standing up!

So you say no to that. Offer her whatever cash you wanted to give her as a wedding present and tell her do do what she likes with it. Then just take a massive step back. Or say you don’t want to give money any more if you don’t want to do that.

Who invites someone to a wedding and expects them to pay for their own meal ? This is absolutely tragic.
Either put on buffet ( shudder ) or stick to your budget and just have a resistant office and a small meal with closest family .

Why do people think they can have what they can’t afford???? It’s crazy!

And ignoring the previous stuff, but taking this at face value, then of course you shouldn't have to.

Presumably you just laughed and told her that was a good joke?

@Lochroy , I was a bit taken back to be honest qnd said I'd be happy to put the equivalent of a buffet toward her choice this ( this morning) still digging he heels in about me and mum paying. I told her she is very entitled and needs to think about how rude she is being. This behaviour is so out of character for her, absolutely not her usual style. I'm quite shocked ( but not shaking with anger or crying in the usual mumsnet style!)😂

@londonlass71 that is brilliant I'll ask her if she is choosing a venue with chairs!

At least you're being straight with her. Pre wedding stress is quite something.

Only on MN do fancy have no involvement or interest in things like weddings

@SleepingStandingUp
I know right! Friends and family are putting some considerable effort to get too. She lives overseas (southern Ireland) we are North England.

I'd say that your gift is the offer to pay for a buffet, and that still stands. If she would like to use the money towards a sit down meal, that's up to her. Let her know how much she's got to play with and then leave it to her. Back out, smile and wave. Your ability to afford to pay for her wedding reception is none of her business. Neither should she be leaning on your mother.

I personally feel that if you can't afford to offer your thirty guests something to eat at a wedding reception, you can't afford a wedding reception with thirty guests. Whether that's a buffet or sit down meal.

Well you offered her a compromise, spoilt cow isn't happy with it, so pub it is and everyone is paying for their own meals. I'm sure her guests will LOVE that, wonder how many drop out.

If it is only 30 people, they are probably close enough not to mind. My cousin had similar, she put on an afternoon then only family for a dinner we each had to pay for. One of the best weddings I’ve been to, the bride and groom asked everyone to bring a plate of food instead of a gift and it was delightful.

Afternoon tea*

I think this is absolutely ridiculous. If she can't afford the wedding she wants then she should save until she can however, if you are where you describe, why don't you give the money you wanted to pay for buffet and DP give their donation and your DS pay the rest for the meal she wants?

I think it's a very generous gift from you by the way.

In that case, if she turns down the buffet I'd give her x amount as her wedding present to use against costs as she sees fit. (Deducting the cost of your own meals for the reception). EG if you offered £250, give her £200 or whatever. Good luck, I don't think there's an easy win with this one.

She’s declined your offer, so stick £20 in a card and stay out of the theatrics, who cares.

Rather than specifically paying for the buffer, couldn't you give her X amount of money (however much you think is reasonable/you can afford) and say it's to go towards the costs of the meal? If she wants something that costs more, she can top it up from her own pocket.

That's very cheeky she should be grateful for any help offered at all. Just tell her that's your contribution it's either that or nothing.

If she’s asking people to pay for their own meals at an Irish wedding she is likely to be met with total bemusement! They tend to be very hospitable affairs - an open bar would not be uncommon.

Do you mean Ireland? or southern Ireland as in the Cork/Kerry area?

They don't have to go if they don't like the arrangements...

You did a kind thing, and I think you've dealt with your sister's incredibly rudeness well.

Let her cool off now, hopefully in a couple of days she's be embarrassed about her silly tantrum and apologise!

@pico1 was going to say the same thing. Live in Ireland, say i have been to about 50 weddings in the past 10 years never ever been asked to pay towards a wedding ever. Its not the done thing here at all. Nor have i been or heard of a buffet wedding - not to say that its never been done now
With regards to your contribution i think you should word it different, give her the money that covers a buffet but she can use it towards the cost of a sit down meal. Its very generous of you to give her the money, she can spend it on what she wants though. I don't think she is rude by saying she doesn't want a buffet but she is being rude to you in regards to the gift of money.

I've been to a lot of Irish weddings and none have ever had an open bar.

It’s going to end up in the mail.