To be upset that someone thought I was 16 years old when I'm in my late 20s

[bluebirdsz]

I'm 28 and today I was at the hairdressers and the hair stylist asked me how old I was, when I said I was 28 she looked surprised and said she guessed I was 16 or 17. She then went onto say she expected me to be a lot younger as I'm very quiet and shy.

It's made me feel quite down to be honest. I know I'm quiet and shy but it's making me worry that my colleagues and clients don't/won't take me seriously. I don't think I look 16/17, but I admit I can come across as somewhat innocent and naive but I'm not sure how to change that

Age doesn't come up directly but it comes up indirectly very frequently. For example, I might mention something about one of my dc and the person would say "oh you must have been very young having them " or "you're never old enough to have adult children".

I was recently at a retirement party at work and I was saying I was looking forward to my turn. The discussion then turned to how many years we all had left and I got comments on not looking it when it turns out I'm next.

I was 33 old and 33 weeks pregnant when I got ID'd for buying my dad some cigarettes. I really wouldnt worry. I'm completely rubbish at judging ages!

But do you get that all the time OP? If not, it's probably just her own skewed observation. She may not be very bright in general 🤭

I would take a straw poll (like that mortifying segment on '10 years younger', the one where they see the 45 year old woman and claim she looks 86 🙄)

Right, I thought you'd given birth?
Also, if they thought you were a minor, surely all the protocols would have been different?.

Quite. Also, I think sometimes people mistake a wee bit of flattery for a genuine assessment of age - "you're retiring? surely too young!" etc

@RoastingMarshmallow - how could anyone mistake you for a student? As a teacher you're wearing photo ID with the school lanyard?

Yes! Lanyard and completely different coloured jacket to the pupils whilst the pupils were in matching PE kits 🤷‍♀️ It's quite common for pupils to have lanyards (locker keys, pupil ID cards etc) though and obviously children will wear a coat if cold so I can only assume they just were looking for someone taller/older looking and couldn't see them. To be fair the children are all bigger than me but I'd have also thought my clothing and the fact I'm telling the children where to go/what to do was a give away!

I will add, the year 6s are taller than me if that helps you get a jist of my size. I work with all age groups but mostly Key Stage 2, 3, 4 and 5 so of course by the time I'm at a fixture with 18 year olds they tower over me.

So really it's a bit of a passive agressive/ bully type comment.

Do you think you are quiet, shy, passive? Is it a problem for you?

Maybe it makes you feel bad because it's highlighting something about yourself that you actually don't like.

You can stop people having the power to make you feel bad about this by addressing it head on. I know it's a bit scary, but you could try some CBT (you can get this through the NHS), or some kind of assertiveness workshop - online or there might be some near you.

If it's bothering you - and it sounds like it is - then you can change it.

Me too. I'm just 5' 1" and teach yr7 through to yr13.

I meant to add, I'm never mistaken for a student, though, in spite of my size! I like to put it down to my teacher ID and school lanyard, although more probably it's my wizened features and general demeanour.

It's made you feel down?

I just struggle to believe this. How do you respond to truly upsetting events then. People have to be more resilient surely.

Not sure how a late 20s female can look 16 unless dressing v young (whatever that is), petite frame (dd and I didn’t fill out until 18/19).
i don’t think I’d be offended though. I remember being 40 and being told I looked 28 but it was dark 😆

Yes, it used to upset me too. I'd always get mistaken for younger than I was and I used to hate it. However, that said, now I'm in my 40s I kind of miss it.

I indadvertently ended up with a child's bus fare at 29. Got on asked how much the single rate was, paid, puzzled over how cheap it was and realised why when I sat and looked at my ticket. Good job my bump wasn't showing yet!

6 months later in the hospital having given birth, the MW did a lot of double checking of my date of birth as she thought there'd been an error on the documents. Nice to look 10 years younger when swollen and yellow 😂

I had alcohol confiscated at the till at 37 as I didn't have my driving licence on me to prove that I was 25. ID checking normally involves a lot of frowning, looking confused and mental arithmatic at the unusual unexpected early 80s DOB.

Lots of casual conversations involve people looking confused when I mention my DCs ages or things like having bought the house over a decade ago.

The number of times I'd have colleagues come into my classroom full of y7s/y8s and call out "where is your teacher?" was irritiating because in some tougher classes it can undermine authority. Admittedly I am about the same build and proportion as an average y7, but there were some repeat offenders who didn't have the grace to be appologetic about their error (thus making it look like I wasn't doing my job properly) which were annoying.

Many of the mix-ups I've had over the years have been about looking 10-12 years younger. These days that might not bare up against close scruitiny but on casual first impressions it can be easily done.

I'm usually amused rather than offended. I'm only cheesed off when people insist that I'm wrong about myself and won't believe me.

@JustDanceAddict - it was dark 😂
It'd have to be a total solar eclipse before I was mistaken for 28.

I used to get this and then suddenly my neck turned crepey and wrinkly at age 34.

So now I finally look my age or older (I actually look quite ill too!) but I’m wishing I looked younger and healthier :(

@BogRollBOGOF - why are colleagues coming into your classroom and asking where the teacher is, is it getting a bit unruly? If not, have a word.
Again, you'll have teacher photo ID and a school lanyard, so some people must be less than observant.

When I gave birth my age and DOB were on my notes and everyt time they did a procedure etc they checked my age and DOB .....

Wee Jimmy Krankie did🤣

When I was in my 20s, I was off work so agreed to go to my mum's house while she had some builders in replacing the windows. I let them in and one cheerfully asked, "no school today, pal?"

I was in London on my 29th birthday and I was asked for ID. I handed it over and the woman behind the bar called her colleague over to marvel that I was 29, not 22.

I'm now 32 and nobody ever asks for ID; I seem to have aged 4000 years during the pandemic. I'm not even sure what it is as I still dress the same, I don't have any grey hairs and I don't have any wrinkles at all (not a brag - you never see wrinkles on a balloon ) but I just don't have the same youthful look. On Saturday a kid bumped into me and his mum said, "say sorry to the lady"

I totally understand where you’re coming from. When I was in my 30s I’d still get IDed for alcohol and I always found it to be an insult. Jeez I’d been able to buy it for longer than I hadn’t be able to!

Totally unprofessional of her to say that too. I’m quiet and shy and would feel really uncomfortable if someone said that

@Maireas I think sometimes the PE kit doesn't help as I'm in black shorts, pupils also in black short, I'm in a blue or black jumper (determined by staff dress code) with school emblem on but pupils are in a blue top or black jumper with school emblem on. My staff kit isn't an exact match to the pupil kit of course but the colours are. Fortunately my staff jacket is a different colour to the school PE kit which helps in the winter. I have asked if a different colour could be used for staff for this reason but it was declined.

I do have a younger looking face but I don't think it's quite as young as 14 year olds 🤣 I think if I was a classroom teacher and not in PE kit it would make a big difference as my clothing choice is nothing like a teenager, nor is my personality.

I stand corrected ☺️
Although, to be fair, close up.....

Don't worry about what a gobby fool says about you. She does not know you and is bloody rude to make a comment on your personality. She sounds like a bit of a bully to be honest trying to big herself up showcasing her fascinating outgoing personality (not).