Inventing your own nickname

[OldClothes]

I know I'm probably unreasonable but here goes.

A young volunteer colleague of mine calls herself by her nickname and seems to want everyone to use it. It relates to her first name but it's not a common variant and is barely shorter than her actual name.

It's also very informal - the sort of thing someone might be called at school by their close friends, but most of us barely know her. AIBU to find this a tiny bit annoying?

I once overhead a nauseating conversation between a woman and her partner(?) when I was on the train many years back. It was so absurdly overboard that I almost believed it was the couple from the Harry Enfield sketch. I went home and told my then partner-now husband about the 1 hour long lovefest and ever since I have been known to him, as Pooky. He hasn't used my name in fucking years. I like it now. Would I ask my colleagues to call me this?

Hahahahahahahahahahahaha no.

Then you wouldn't be doing her any favours. Rebbers is the kind of name teenagers think sounds cool because they're, you know, idiots.
It would be far kinder in the long run not to let her get saddled with it as she gets older. No one is suggesting any 'bitching' or 'bullying' either.

Not being comfortable using a daft nickname for s relative stranger in a work setting is not bullying ffs.

It isn't anyone else's responsibility to decide to 'be kind' and refuse to go along with the name she wants. Perhaps when she matures, she'll change it and eventually look back and cringe. But it's nobody else's business. Anyone who tries to put her straight, as it were, will just come across as an interfering busybody. But then some are just that ...

Tbh OP she asked everyone and made her wishes clear. That's it.

Your background, social circle, life experience means you find it odd but actually you don't get to choose. And it would be a massive imposition for you to choose.

And very arrogant to think you know better.

You'll get used to it.

FFS, there was meant to be some bold in there!

I had an old friend I worked with who went by Fifi, she was a 6ft peroxide blonde Amazonian of a ball breaking New Yorker. Did it suit her... hell no, but we all called her it as it was what she preferred to go by. In time we saw the irony & how she used it to her advantage in work. Its amazing how many pre judged her as being a bit dim based on her cutesy name. She was anything but dim 😂

I hope you never end up managing a team. You will soon find you don’t have time for shit like this. Also, if any manager tried to tell me that not using a nickname was tantamount to bullying, I’d make a complaint. Remember that attitude is a two-way street.

I have successfully managed many teams @WomanStanleyWoman2
& taking this sort of shit seriously meant that every time, I had a very low staff turn over with happy productive teams🤷🏻‍♀️. Sometimes taking care of the small things effectively makes for a better working environment for all, leading to less "big" things to deal with

Tbh OP she asked everyone and made her wishes clear. That's it.

I think there’s some very selective reading of the OP’s posts going on. She has never said this girl has asked to be called this or has ‘made her wishes clear’. She actually said:

A young volunteer colleague of mine calls herself by her nickname and seems to want everyone to use it.

She’s basically hoping the nickname will take off and give her a bit of personality beyond ever other volunteer. That’s significantly different to telling someone ‘Please don’t call me Rebecca - my preferred name is Rebbers’.

Tbh just go with it. Show a bit of generosity fgs. It won't kill you.

I know someone called pooky and as far as I can tell that's their real name

I quite like rebbers now. I'm imaging a kind of Martin Millar character

Rebbers is no different to Becky to be honest which is very childish but lots of older women go by it.

I know someone called pooky and as far as I can tell that's their real name

I knew an Indonesian Puki, pronounced Pooky & that was definitely his real name too. It somehow really suited him

I agree it sounds very immature but I guess it's her choice what she wants to be called. I'd try to think - what if her parents had actually called her Rebbers - and pretend that that was what happened. Or pretend that it was an unusual name popular in another country. Why anyone over 12 would choose that for themselves is beyond me, but there we are.

Of course they're different, one is a common shortened version of a name recognised by everyone - the other is made up to sound 'younique' and sounds as though it's been made up by a 12 year old.

Times are changing. Where I work this would be totally respected as preferred pronouns would. And tbh as previous posters have said it wouldn't be tolerated to impose your preferences around her name. I don't if it would be called bullying but it would be considered totally out of order.

However annoying or younique the majority or traditional view doesn't get to trump personal preference.

Sounds like your more traditional view is making it harder for you. Just roll with it and enjoy a different generation.

• I don't know if it would be called bullying.

Say it like a frog.

Can't forget this though🤣
Please God never send me someone called 'Rebbers' to work with.

Interesting how names like Thomas, William and Oliver are automatically shortened. On a register I would do this automatically but if I had an Amelia I wouldn't automatically call her Milly

@WomanStanleyWoman2 - what you said!

So she hasn't spelt it out specifically as in please call me this.

I suppose it depends on whether you want to put her first or you first.

You know what she'd like . You feel it's "slightly annoying".

There's your choice.

@OldClothes

You can't expect anyone on this forum to believe that you wouldn't feel an absolute idiot being expected to refer to another human being - in public no less - in this ridiculous manner.

But why do you feel it is so ridiculous ?

Who draws the line as to which shortened version of a name is or isn't 'acceptable' ? (Or even a full name)

I know someone called Princess.
To my, white British ears it sounds like a pet / nickname a grandparent might call their child,
but
that is her name on the birth certificate, so it isn't my place to say I am not going to use it, just because it wouldn't be my choice of name. It isn't that uncommon in Afro Carribean families.

I know 4 Victorias.
1 likes to be called Victoria
1 likes to be called Vicky
1 likes to be called Toria
1 likes to be called Tori

Now, in my head I can't understand why anyone would want to tell new people they are 'Tori' but it is a valid shortening of her name and it isn't anyone else's place to tell her they won't use it when that is what she has told people she prefers to be called.

We should all call people what they want to be called, even if it isn't what we particularly like.

At primary school I had a friend who was nicknamed ‘Maz’ and I remember she tried to use it in class once, and the teacher explained that names like that are for your friends to use but not for the classroom.

But this is arbitrary between the familiar and unfamiliar. 'Jim' is a stupid name, really, but it's familiar so noone cares if a James wants to be a Jim. 'Danny' is fairly childish, but I know two professional Daniels who go by Danny.

Just call people what they want to be called, it costs you nothing.

It's a stupid name but then you've got people out there naming their kids Nevaeh, Khaleesi, Hurricane and Columbus so...

The thing with names is what sounds made up sounds silly, whereas what's been around for years is accepted. But why should that be the case. One upon a time jimmy, Becky and Cat were pushing boundaries, now it's Rebbers.