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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Not to put cat down?

113 replies

babybooo · 24/07/2022 13:38

My cat is 16 and up until this last month has been in perfect health, only saw the vet for a UTI this year that's all. She has a grade 2 heart murmur which is medicated.

Over the last month she's become more frail and slowed right down. To be expected with her age I suppose. She can still walk around, go up and down stairs, jump on the bed etc. I would say she's just slow at going from sitting to lying down.

Last week she became super lethargic and went off her food. Took her to emergency vet who ran full blood screen which came back fine, very good in fact! They gave her fluids and said to monitor her. She went to the normal vet the next day who said she had muscle wastage in her hind legs to be expected with age. Gave her appetite increasing meds.

Over the last week cat has barely ate. she will take a mouthful of warmed cat food or tuna but that's about it. No interest in food.

Took her to vet yesterday who gave a steroid injection to hopefully get her eating again. She also gave fluids. She said there is nothing "wrong" with the cat but she is probably nearing the end of her life. She isn't in any pain or distress.

She has eaten tiny bits since the injection yesterday. She has also started drinking which is good. She was very dehydrated yesterday.

I am due to fly to America on Tuesday for 2 weeks but I have decided not to go because I am scared cat will die while I'm there.

She isn't in any pain or distress, other than not eating I would say she's her normal self, maybe a bit more sleepy than usual.

AIBU to give her a chance? Or should I have her put to sleep?

Vet has us booked in for 9 Aug which was meant to be after my holiday. She said if the cat starts to eat that would keep her going.

She has lost a significant amount of weight over the last couple of months - she's losing weight even between vet visits and is very very skinny.

This cat has been by my side for 16 years and in need to be by hers and do right by her.

OP posts:
OnTheBoardwalk · 25/07/2022 19:14

Oh Babyboo. Sorry for your loss but you did the right thing

my old girl hated being at the vets and them messing with her constantly. I’m bet your cat felt the same

there will be a void in your life, accept this knowing you did what was right by her

FurAndFeathers · 25/07/2022 19:23

You absolutely did the right thing @babybooo
it was very brave of you
take care

Jellycatspyjamas · 25/07/2022 20:26

It was the right thing, extended treatment is no life for an old girl.

babybooo · 25/07/2022 20:27

I just keep thinking did i give her a chance? Would she have rallied in a few days of fluids and cat soup? Would that be all it takes to fix the anaemia and build her back up a bit... I'm torturing myself Sad

OP posts:
Jellycatspyjamas · 25/07/2022 20:33

She might have rallied, but just for a day or two and she has no way of communicating that she’s in pain. Cat broth won’t cure cancer, she was just about needing a transfusion - so really quite poorly. It’s very hard to make these decisions but it’s the kindest thing you can do as an owner. If the vet felt there was a chance of her having a quality of life they would have told you.

Remember her fondly, knowing you took care of her til the end, and made the right, most compassionate decision you could for her.

We've always had cats and have had to make that decision a few times, it’s very hard but very right. Better a week early than a minute too late.

Reluctantadult · 25/07/2022 20:35

It really does sound like you did the right and kindest thing. They can't tell us how they're feeling. Purring because she loves you and loves a fuss doesn't mean she's feeling well. 16 is a good age. I don't think she'd have got over this.

countrygirl99 · 25/07/2022 20:36

OP often the kindest thing for an animal is the hardest thing for the owner. You saved her from suffering at the cost of your heart break. That is love.

wherearebeefandonioncrisps · 25/07/2022 20:41

Oh OP , you absolutely did the right thing.
As your vet said, despite all the interventions, tests, feeding tubes , your cat may well still have needed to be PTS.

Please try and find comfort in the fact that your decision prevented her from further stress which all these interventions will have caused.

We were in a very similar position to you about 5 years ago with our beloved cat. Various vets at the practice seemed to want to do so many horrid things to her but a locum vet told us the truth.
She was old , her organs were failing and extra stresses wasn't what she needed.

As to your cat suddenly looking at you, at the end, it's very common and lovely vet said that it was very common. Just checking that you're there for them. She would have rested quietly knowing that you loved her.

You really did the right thing out of love for her.

TheresABearOverThere · 25/07/2022 20:43

Did the vet suggest lymphoma at all? My cat had these symptoms. He ate with the steroid injections but still rapidly lost weight. We did sadly have to PTS.

TheresABearOverThere · 25/07/2022 20:45

So sorry, should have RTFT. You did the right thing, though I know how hard it is. Went through the same what ifs with mine.

onlythreenow · 25/07/2022 21:07

OP, I have many years of cats (and dogs) friendship, and believe me you did the right thing, so please don't torture yourself. I have seen people keep giving pets one last try, and it never ends well (unless of course you know it is something easily fixed), and let's be honest we are doing it for our benefit, not the pet's. Cats are not humans, your lovely cat did not know what was going to happen, what she did know was that she was loved and you were with her.

ExcaliburBaby · 25/07/2022 21:24

I just wanted to say it’s such an awful decision to have to make, and you must be feeling really sad. But as an objective outsider - reading your last post it’s so clear that all of that possible treatment you described would have been incredibly traumatic for your cat, and with no guarantee it would have a happier outcome I think most people would agree you make the best decision for your cat. It’s difficult for you know but I hope in time you’ll believe you made the kindest decision that meant your cat didn’t suffer. We look after them all their life and they need us to look after them at the end too, and do the right thing no matter how hard it is for us. 💐

Nahimjustaworm · 25/07/2022 21:33

Awwww OP you absolutely made the right decision. It really sounded futile and she lived a great life with you by her side. RIP little furbaby

I think it was incredible of you to cancel a trip to America! I love my cats and am dedicated to them but that's next-level dedication. Are you able to still go? I would just go if you can it might take your mind off it xx

DangerNoodles · 25/07/2022 21:35

Oh OP, I'm so sorry. Going off to sleep in the loving arms of her loving owner before she got too poorly was the best way to go.

Sending you very unmumsnetty hugs OP

CaribouCarafe · 25/07/2022 21:57

You did the best thing for her - I won't go into detail but due to circumstances I left it too late for two of my pets (partly because I wanted to give them a chance) and I bitterly regret not having put them to sleep. You made the brave, right choice and I'm sure your cat knew how much you loved her

Honeyroar · 25/07/2022 22:08

babybooo · 25/07/2022 20:27

I just keep thinking did i give her a chance? Would she have rallied in a few days of fluids and cat soup? Would that be all it takes to fix the anaemia and build her back up a bit... I'm torturing myself Sad

If it helps you feel better, I had two beloved dogs pts in the last few years. The first one was left too late, and possibly suffered. It still haunts me five years later that we left it too late. The second one we had pts a week after finding out he had a tumour. We spent the week doing all his fave things. Despite it being horrible to lose him, I feel a lot happier about what we did for him and I know he didn’t suffer…. You did the right thing. Be kind to yourself.

Clarich007 · 25/07/2022 22:47

Oh Babybooo. Bless you. You did the right thing. Cats really try to mask when they are ill.
With that list of problems, she was ill. It's easy to get used to bad situations. My last cat had kidney failure, and at the end was only managing to eat a quarter of a pouch each day. It was heartbreaking but we got used to trying to tempt her to eat more. Looking back it must have been awful for her, and I wish we had taken her to be put to sleep earlier.
Please be kind to yourself. You've had a shock. Take care

babybooo · 26/07/2022 00:26

I'm wondering if I gave her enough time on the steroids. She had them 48 hours before she was put to sleep... she did eat slightly better the day after having them?

I'm also wondering if the vet was too quick to suggest PTS... i feel like I'm torturing myself because I'm reading about similar cats who perked up after being on drips etc

Maybe I didn't persevere long enough? The vet said with the treatment she couldn't "do it for a day, see No improving and give up" as it was a long haul. Was this a reference to the steroids and me bringing her back too soon?

Clearly she was unwell as she was dehydrated and anemic.. I don't think eating more would have fixed this completely

I feel like I let her down

OP posts:
calmlakes · 26/07/2022 00:31

OP you obviously did the right thing, the possible treatment sounds awful and with a limited chance of success.
There is no way I would put an elderly cat through that.
Vets are not too quick to suggest putting animals down so if they suggested it, it was time.

TheresABearOverThere · 26/07/2022 00:48

@babybooo please trust me as someone who also had their cat on steroids so they'd eat - you did the right thing. Any improvement would have been completely temporary. You said goodbye while they weren't suffering too much. It is the kindest thing you could have done. The vet would not have put to sleep too soon, they don't do that. There was no hope of recovery with my boy but the vet still didn't recommend PTS until it was clear it was time.

Please be kind to yourself. It is so so hard. I couldn't leave the car park of the vets for hours because I was crying so much when I'd said goodbye. I still cry when I think about him but I'm glad now I was with him at the end, where it was peaceful, where I could love him.

thegcatsmother · 26/07/2022 01:01

Once they have anaemia, it is difficult to treat. My lovely boy is 19, has FIV and the starts of anaemia, and as long as his levels are within tolerances, we keep going. Once they are out of whack, then the hard call has to be made.

For the moment, he gets a steak weekly (over a few nights, to help his meds down, cooked medium!!) to keep his iron levels up. Having lost another cat to anaemia and kidney failure, I'll make the decision sooner rather than later.

You did the right thing OP, hard though it is. Afaik, cats have no concept of death, so she didn't know what was going to happen, and she was with you.

Selttan · 26/07/2022 01:04

You didn't let her down, you did the hardest thing a pet owner has to do but is the kindest thing to do.

It's been almost 14 years since we had to pts my old girl. I grew up with her and even though she was 19 and ready to go, I wasnt. Numerous vet visits over a few weeks and my mum finally said to me just look at her. She was miserable.

I still think, maybe we should've tried something else but in my head I know we did the right thing instead of prolonging her life. It would've been for me not her.

Toddlerteaplease · 26/07/2022 11:20

I think you've made the right decision OP. My then 6 year old cat had triaditis. And was so critically I'll that I was in no doubt I'd have to put her to sleep and it would have been the right thing to do. But she made a miraculous recovery. But she was six. For an older cat I'd have PTS straight away.

MarsupiIami · 26/07/2022 11:57

You've not let her down. You've done the kindest thing for her even though it was heartbreaking for you.

I've left it a few days too long and ended up spoon feeding lickelix. It was a huge mistake and I felt really selfish for leaving it too long.

I'm so sorry OP. Flowers

Pashazade · 26/07/2022 16:26

We did the steroids thing with a previous cat, perked up wonderfully for two days then declined, had another injection, perked up ,declined. It is no way to make an animal live and we had her PTS within a week or so of this period.
You didn't let her down she had a peaceful passing at the right time rather than weeks of being prodded and poked and carted about when she'd rather have been at home in her favourite sunshine spot. Intensive treatment that in all likelihood would only have delayed things by a couple of miserable months.

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