To think this was not funny and be upset

[Flutterbybudget]

I go out with a friend most weeks, and she’s a real sweetheart - when she’s sober. When she’s drunk, she’s really funny. We have a good laugh. We’re both single, and we both flirt a bit, and sometimes she makes slightly inappropriate remarks, but always in the context of the conversation. But this week, in my mind she overstepped the mark.
We were talking to a group of young lads, we know one of them, and out of the blue, she tells them that I have an STI because I will sleep with anyone. (Neither true). She thinks I’m over reacting because I said that I was embarrassed and that I don’t feel I want to go out drinking again for a bit. She says that they knew she was joking, but I only know one of them and they know my kids.
So, am I over reacting, or is that just “not a joke”?

It's about as funny as telling the lads that your friend is easily inebriated as she's just out of prison for shoplifting and hasn't had any booze for a couple of years.

I find with people like the 'friend' is that they can diss it out but throw their dummies from their pram if the 'jokes' done to them.

op yanbu I don't think she's sweet at all and drink is never an excuse for these things, I hate when people use drink as an excuse for the unacceptable. We still know right from wrong when drunk and I say that who has being drunk many times and taken every drug under the sun-you still have a common sense and element of control about you. When people use booze as an excuse it's bollox.

Not funny and really quite inappropriate if the lads know your kids. Definitely worthy of an apology.

She really isn't your friend.

This was not funny and I can understand why you were embarrassed. Actually I think it was even worse that you were in a local pub where people know you/your family so I’d be doubly offended.

Actually I think it was even worse that you were in a local pub where people know you/your family so I’d be doubly offended

This with bells on, that is the part I'd be furious over. The woman (your friend) is a bloody liability. Be careful and I say that who had a friend exactly like this.

Thanks all
its all that, but more than that, it’s that I was afraid that I’d be overreacting , so waited until two days later to say anything and when I did she still says that it was “just a joke”. i
find myself questioning my own reality so often, that I’m never sure if I’m mad or not. (Generally, not with her). Left over from my marriage I think 😞
but thanks everyone who took the time to reply

she wanted to appear better than you, Like oh you dont want her shes dirty

Nasty & with that attitude post such a big faux pas, she'd be an ex friend

Switch it round. If it was a group of young girls and one of their friends Dad's made similar comments. How on earth can she even try and justify it?

Switch it round. If it was a group of young girls and one of their friends Dad's made similar comments. How on earth can she even try and justify it

i don't get your point-why is reverse gender relevant here?

Did she do anything to make clear it was a joke? Like 'ha ha only joking' afterwards? If so I'd think she was being a bit of an idiot but it makes her look weird. If it was not made clear then I'd be more upset

Did she do anything to make clear it was a joke? Like 'ha ha only joking' afterwards? If so I'd think she was being a bit of an idiot but it makes her look weird

nah i think as soon as she uttered the words it makes the op look bad and not her. It just crossed a line. It's the kind of joke I could imagine close friends would make to each other in a group and everybody knowing it's not genuine it being funny-ofcourse that totally depends on the group dynamics.

However in the context of the op's story it's neither funny or appropriate and crosses a line because these young males aren't close friends with the op and don't have that connection. They'd likely believe it to be true.

It's like the post weeks ago where the op was offended being called a tart at the dinner party by her friend's dh. Many posters pointed out that jokes/humour like that can work but it totally depends on the context like who said it and the group dynamnics/the audience and I totally agree with that stance and it applies here very much.

In other words there's a time and a place.

Btw op what was your reaction after she said it and did they laugh etc?

If it was just a joke, why didn't she make it about herself? She made the joke about you because she wanted to use humour to put you down and get laughs at the expense of another person.

I always think you can tell a lot about a person by who the targets of their jokes are. She could have chosen to be self-deprecating, but she knew that that particular joke had a bit of nastiness to it so she turned it on you.

If you’re going to throw someone under the bus for a cheap gag, it has got to at least be funny!
That wasn’t. However, it doesn’t sound particularly malicious to me, especially as you say she’s lovely normally. Just a stupid, drunk comment. I’d tell her you were upset and then let it go. If she does it again, however……

I don't think she is lovely. She's sober now and won't admit this was a horrible thing to say.

The non-apology was given when she was dead sober. She’s shown you who she really is. I’d be stepping waaaay back.

There is something wrong with her if she can't see how unpleasant and unacceptable that was. I would guess she is drinking more than she can handle and I would not be around her when she is drinking at all.

Agree with PP that the 'sorry if I upset you' is very telling. This sort of 'apology' is passive aggressive. The sub context is that you are so easily offended. I wonder if she is jealous of you OP?
You say she is lovely but she may be covering up hidden insecurity.
How would she react if you made a similar joke about her do you think?

If she thought it was so funny & unoffensive & she was only trying to get a laugh-I wonder why she didn't say it about herself then?

That would be enough to want to distance myself for a bit. The least she could do was acknowledge it was not funny and bad taste and upset you rather than brushing it off as ‘your problem’ if you didn’t get the joke.

Hmmm my friends have said a lot worse, wouldn't bother me tbh

Agree with PP that the 'sorry if I upset you' is very telling. This sort of 'apology' is passive aggressive. The sub context is that you are so easily offended

gaslighting

Hmmm my friends have said a lot worse, wouldn't bother me tbh

who did they say it to and what did they say exactly? Because if you wouldn't be bothered by your friends telling your kids friends about your sex life and that you had an std then I'd be concerned.